The Peace That Passes Understanding

Things have been quiet on the blogging front lately, and the reason is that much of what has been on my mind is not fit for public consumption. But there are many things on which I've been pondering, and I will endeavor to share that portion which is share-able.

The Lord is teaching me so much about trust, and about how He has my ultimate good in mind. I recently started back to school for the fall semester, and it is impossible to exaggerate how very overwhelming this has been. My classes (all two of them) are somewhat demanding and although they are both pass/fail as opposed to requiring a standard letter grade, they both involve extensive outside work. In one course, I am required to do field experiences in the area of trauma and crisis work (there will be a post following my ambulance ride-along tomorrow night, I am sure) and lead class discussions and what-not. In the other I will complete a consultation project with an outside business as well as clinical supervision of other students (in my case, second and third-years who are clinicians for the Hope research team).

And that's just the coursework. Add to that the stress of, in the next two months, completing cover letters and applications and essays and my curriculum vitae and sending the right combination of paperwork in the right format to each of 15-20 internship sites who will discard my application the very millisecond one "t" is not flawlessly crossed. Not to mention working feverishly on my dissertation proposal, a draft of which is to be submitted to my chair within the next week or two.

Oh, and then there's Life Outside of Grad School. Housework, finances, marriage, all of which require, at minimum, the normal maintenance and, ideally, the best of my time and energy.

It's enough to induce a panic attack in the most sanguine of personalities.

But the Lord whispers to my soul that He is my Shepherd, and I shall not want for anything I need. He makes me lie down to rest even when my spirit does not immediately yield to quietness. He leads me in the right paths for the sake of His own glory, and walks before and behind me through the darkly shadowed valley of all that looms before me. His rod and staff guide my steps and chasten my heart; they are gentle, yet firm; steady, yet invisible. They direct me where He wills, and I trust His ways. I rejoice in the table He has prepared for me, and the enemy who hovers nearby has no place here. The bounty of His blessings is before me, and my cup runs over with His grace, His peace, His love, and His mercy. He has anointed me as His, one whom He chose before the foundations of the world to submit to His grace and to walk the way He prepared for me. Surely I will dwell in the shelter of the Most High for all eternity! [from Psalm 23]

What are the obstacles I face compared to the greatness of my God? How small are my trials and stresses in the face of His might and power? When I step back and behold my life as God sees it, as something tiny yet perfectly crafted in His hand, my fear necessarily falls away. When I am reminded by the Holy Spirit of His truths, and of the fact that His Word is infinite, eternal, and unchangeable as He is, it becomes evident that my will must conform to His or be utterly thwarted. How much better to trust His plan for me than to strike out on my own!

This is true peace: knowing that the God of all creation holds me securely regardless of what my life may bring [Psalm 139]. He is the rock to which I cling in the darkest of nights, though I cannot see my hand in front of my face, nor even the rock itself. This total surrender of control, this letting go of my own destiny is not of my own doing but the work of His grace. May I become ever less that He may become greater, and that my life would be a sacrifice of praise for His sake.

Lord, You are my strength and my portion [Psalm 73:26]. I will do the things set before me by Your grace and in faith that You will receive all the glory.

Amazing how God's truth is a far better rudder than my own emotions. When I am guided by that which does not change, my mercurial feelings are brought subject to His Word as a fussy baby is soothed by the strong embrace of its father.

"...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication make your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." [Philippians 4:7]