13.25 Hours and Counting

That's how much longer my cohort must wait to find out about our match statuses (stati?). There was much emotional flooding earlier today as we exchanged well wishes and promises of prayer, and we asked one another how we plan to spend our "last evening". Some of us intend to stay up all night and compulsively refresh the inbox. Some planned to sleep all afternoon in order to facilitate this. There are others (me!) who hope to sleep peacefully, perhaps with the aid of a few Unisom and a rum and Coke (I can choke one down, under the circumstances). The highlight of this plan is that whenever I take a sleep aid, I find it impossible to get up early the next morning. Thus, I can remain unconscious until the deadline for match emails, which is 10:00 a.m.

The downside would be if the email comes at 8:00 a.m. and I sleep through all the phone calls that will inevitably follow. It's a chance I'm willing to take.

Tonight Joel has bought my favorite ice cream and offered me his unconditional support. I get to choose our activities and even our music choice! He turned on some Bruce Springsteen and I asked for Indelible Grace. He wondered why. I said, I'd like to listen to something that is soothing to my soul instead of.....this. No offense to The Boss, but whatever song was up first had some kind of dead cat/harmonica thing going on that was problematic to my stress level.

Regarding the stress level: It's really not too bad, as long as nothing annoying or irritating happens to throw off my delicate balance. When I'm cognitively engaged, I know everything will be fine. It's when I'm distracted that the automatic thoughts kick in and I become slightly crazy.

I'm so thankful for my wonderful husband, whose top priority tonight is waiting on me (literally, he already scooped the ice cream and has Carcassonne set up, so I should probably get going) and loving me. Together we're standing on the promises of God and looking forward to whatever news the morning brings.

I'd like to take this final opportunity before the match news arrives to acknowledge that my internship is not the be-all and end-all of the world. It certainly feels like a huge deal, and impacts our lives quite significantly. But in the overall scheme of things, I am still just a lump of clay in the Potter's hands. I'm just a cog in the gigantic machinery of His sovereign plan. Whether I do or don't match, I'm just one tiny little thread in His tapestry. And I'm thankful for that! There are so many other, more important things going on in the world and even in my life. Knowing that there is not even one renegade molecule in the universe is comforting. I can trust the Lord with my life because I'm about as big as one precious little molecule to Him. He's got it all under control. And it's all about Him and for His glory.

I'm reminded of Shack, Rack, and Benny who were to be thrown into the fiery furnace because of their faith. My God is able to provide me with the internship of my dreams. But even if He does not, He is still the King of kings and I will bow to none other - not even to the stress and possible discouragement of this process. Truly, soli deo gloria!

Your prayers remain greatly coveted. I'll keep you posted!