A Double-Edged Sword

It has been said that "the truth of God, in the hands of God, is sufficient for [the people of God]" (Wells, 2008), and Scripture says that "the Word of God...[is s]harper than any double-edged sword" (Heb. 4:12, NIV). I believe these things with all my heart, but until I saw for myself the power of the Truth to divide soul and spirit, to judge the thoughts and attitudes of my heart, I confess that I did not fully appreciate the magnitude of the influence of the living Word in the hands of the living God, whose I am.

There are no words to describe the condition of the soul when it is pierced through, to its very quick, by the simple and utter truth of God. But I shall try to capture some element of this experience here, else my blogging is in vain today.

I am the chief of sinners. There is no two ways about it. A wretch, lost, blind. I am Israel in every sense, chosen of the Lord through no merit of my own, and ever restored to the Lord's favor by His chastening rod, ever reminded of His faithfulness which is magnified by my own fallenness.

Today's sermon focused on the commandment that we are not to make for ourselves any idols or images. Pastor Mullen pointed out that the words for idol and image in the Greek refer to things created, shaped, of our own invention. We are not to have anything less or else than God foremost in our hearts and lives. He challenged us to think about what pops up on the "screensaver" of our minds; what is our "wallpaper" when nothing else is going on. The thing that your mind turns to - is it an idol? Do your thoughts naturally run toward the Savior and Lover of your soul, or do they turn to other, lesser or contrary things?

I was stricken. As a thief stealing across a dark field is illuminated in a spotlight, my sin was laid bare within me as in the brightness of day. Utterly grieved, I prayed for the Lord to change my heart, to help me in my repentance. How greedily I cling to my sin, ugly though it is, in hopes that I can just keep it in this one area of my heart, that I might return to it time and again as though visiting a favored, though forbidden, pet. But Pastor Mullen beat no circles around the proverbial bush as he declared that we cannot keep our sin under control. In his words, God sliced clean through my heart. Who am I to think that I can keep my sin fenced in? Already I could feel it pressing against its fence, seeping beyond its confines and poisoning everything it touched. When I willingly entertain sin, when I feed it bits of my time and energy, it grows exponentially until it towers, overwhelms my ability to manage it. I become a different person.

Praise my Father in heaven for His discipline! I thank Him from the depths of my being that He has allowed me to taste of His goodness such that I now recognize and abhor the bitter dregs of sin. I remember a time in my life when I could have continued to justify and rationalize my sin, when it would have seemed more attractive to me than a life of purity before the Lord.

But, oh, this morning my soul leapt when it heard the words of its Master! Like a lost sheep whose Shepherd has come suddenly upon it, I looked into my Lord's face and was at once broken and healed. Holy, holy, holy is He who judges and restores. My spirit literally trembled within me, overwhelmed with gratitude that He would change my heart so quickly and dramatically, that He would sweep me back into His arms so readily when I have been so rebellious.

Reformed theology holds that it is the Lord who draws us to Himself, that we can do nothing to choose or love Him without His initiative, His preparatory work in our hearts. If I didn't understand this before, I now see His sovereignty in brilliant technicolor. I was so happy in my sin, embracing my rebellion, I would never have willingly turned from it. Indeed, in the past it was a much longer, more difficult battle for the Lord to wrest my heart from evil. Today I witnessed great evidence that the Lord has been increasing His hold upon my heart, has been growing the power of His Word in my life. How I rejoice now to see that, while I am not impervious to the wiles of sin, my repentance and restoration is much more quickly wrought!

This repentance and restoration, though it happened quickly, was not without pain. It is true that the Word of the Lord divided soul from spirit, joints from marrow. But it was a pain that was accompanied by healing, and though it pierced sharply, it left wholeness in its wake. It is difficult to describe what this experience was like, but I felt simultaneously weak and strong, broken and repaired, trembling yet secure.

Today I thank God for the life He has given me, for the love of Himself that He has placed in my heart. I witnessed tangible evidence that He is cultivating my heart, and that I am so far from where I have been before. I am my Beloved's, and my Beloved is mine...His love is sweeter than honey, far sweeter than fine wine. And I say this truly, having tasted for myself and loving Him with every fiber of my being. Like the prodigal son, I am amazed at the Lord's ever-ready welcome and grateful for my safe return.