I do NOT need this book!

When I was young, my mother informed me that I was somewhat...headstrong. Stubborn, even.

Take, for example, the time when I decided that I was through with afternoon naps. Two-year-old me stood up on the bed, hands on hips, and declared, "I will NOT take a nap!"

And since that day - no more naps! Unless you count the times when I would fall asleep at dinner, fork midway to my mouth. Or unless you count the many times since college, when I rediscovered the beauty of sleeping when you could be doing work (as opposed to actually sleeping, you know, at night).

So apparently my mother felt that she was in need of assistance, or at the very least some sound advice on what to do with such a determined toddler. She turned to Dr. Dobson and his book, The Strong-Willed Child. He has since published The New Strong-Willed Child, New Strong-Willed Child Workbook, and Dr. Dobson on Parenting: The Strong-Willed Child/Parenting Isn't for Cowards...Mom, apparently you are not alone...and I'm not the only one!

It has always amused me that she looked to this book for help. And in a way, I'm proud of the fact that I have such an untameable spirit....maybe not proud that I sent my mother scurrying for the self-help books, but there is something about having a distinctive personality that makes me feel good. Maybe it's my Celtic roots (what few of them remain untangled with all the Welsh, and German, and Scottish roots).

But I do think that I have come a long way since swearing off naps. At the very least I've recanted that oath and wholeheartedly embrace a good mid-day snooze. I also like to think that my personality has become much more manageable, particularly in the context of marriage. But I saw something today that stopped me in my tracks and made me go hmmmmm. Maybe I should re-evaluate. Because someone out there apparently is married to a version of me who never grew up. Behold: The Strong-Willed Wife.


I don't really think I need this book. My character flaws have all been gently and lovingly refined away in the crucible of graduate school in clinical psychology. (You come out the other end either totally aware of and overcompensating for your issues, or you emerge infinitely more wacky than you went in and henceforth do therapy wearing poncho shawls and cowboy boots and sparkly hair ribbons).

I'm not strong-willed anymore. I'm the very picture of wifely submission and sacrificial service. Right honey? ....Honey?


*In all seriousness, the Lord has been infinitely gracious in His refining of my spirit. While some of the strong-willed-ness remains (ok, a significant portion of it), He has taught me volumes about the importance of gentleness and submission. Joel and I are reading through a fabulous book right now called Each for the Other, by Brian Chapell. This book discusses the true meanings of male headship and wifely submission, and how to conform to these Biblical roles in marriage without sacrificing your personality and gifts.

If any of you knows Joel and me very well, you realize that he and I are at opposite ends of the assertiveness/submissiveness spectrum - and in the wrong direction! But in our short year and a half of marriage, God has molded us both to be ever more in His image and living more closely according to His ideals for marriage. What a blessing it has been to journey together, learning about ourselves and about dying to self without killing the self...we've come so far, and really it has been the most natural process.

People say the first year of marriage is the roughest, with all the adjustment that is necessary. If our first year has been the roughest, are we in for a smooth ride! Again, we attribute the many blessings of marriage not to our own impeccable characters and flawless behavior (heavens, no!). Rather, only by the grace of God have we arrived at this point in our marriage where we can sit on the back porch listening to the rain, looking at one another through the hazy April air, and remark "We have the best marriage ever." No, really. It's how we feel, so it must be true.

(anyone get the postmodern/emergent church jab there at the end?)

No, if we need any book in this house it's The Far Too Humorously Sarcastic Wife.

As an aside, did you know that "badum tish" is the official spelling of that drum sound that follows (lame) jokes? Seriously, Google says it, so it must be true. Badum tish!

More of My Crazy

Today I decided to make mac 'n cheese for lunch. This should be no surprise, considering it is April 29, and we're at the end of both groceries and grocery budget. As the noodles were boiling, I decided to touch the pot to see how hot it would really feel if I went really fast.

I'm not kidding. This was an actual, serious thought I had, upon which I then acted.

Add to this the fact that I decided to touch the pot a second time because the first time really wasn't that bad.

How does my brain work? I'm not sure, but if my parents are reading this, I'm sure that many things about my adolescence/college/life suddenly make much more sense.

Once Bitten

Do you know what this is?

It's a baby bug. And it's bitten me. HARD. Metaphorically, because if that little baby had really bitten me I'd be majorly freaked out. Anyway...

You know how they say "Once bitten, twice shy"? Well, this would be the exact opposite. This is more like "Once bitten, twice insanely desirous of enlarging one's family by means of a sweet, adorable, beautiful little baby." Sigh.

My husband's reaction when he saw me upload this picture?
Him: "What's that?"
Me: "A baby bug." (no further explanation whatsoever of what the post will be about)
Him: (sighs and bows head) "Oh honey."

Alas, I have another two years in the program. Although Mr. Wonderful tells me this might translate to only another year and a half before we begin attempting to make our dreams come true. Because deep down he really really wants to have a baby too, he just won't admit to it because that would REALLY fuel my baby issues :-).

But he and I have done some baby shopping, and reached a few conclusions. This is the most beautiful baby ever. And this one is the absolute manliest - I can already see him watching football and throwing back a brewskie with the guys. Believe it or not, the little Cullen is a good three months (if not more - don't remember exact birthdays) older than Brody boy in the second link. Which would you prefer to give birth to? You have my utmost respect, Christine!

I want one...

Welcome to My Crazy

So picture me driving an hour to a wedding rehearsal last night, from Va Beach to Currituck, NC. Directions say: turn left onto VA-158, portions toll. I go whizzing by the ramp for VA-158 (of course), but signs still say "Business 158" so I'm debating whether I'm still ok to keep going.

Enter My Crazy:
I have this history of screwing up when driving. Like going whizzing by the turn I Needed to Make. And seriously, every time, I end up getting creative and messing myself up and wishing I had just turned around and gone the way I KNEW would be right instead of blazing a new trail into the wild unknown, only to take an extra 45 minutes getting to where I'm going. Grr.

Flash forward back to this particular car ride.

Elizabeth decides to actually play it safe, turn around, and take the ramp for VA-158. The thought process: Business 158 might hook back on to VA-158, but who knows where, and who knows where that will put me in relation to my destination. Joel's map isn't in the car so I can't consult. Yeah it's a partial toll road, but it'll be ok. It might not even be toll for the short time I'm on it. Blah blah blah, best idea is probably to stick with the directions and not be late for the rehearsal.

Yay, Elizabeth! Getting back on track! Way to be humble and admit when you messed up!

So Elizabeth, still addressing herself in third person, pulls onto the ramp for 158. Literally 100 feet onto the ramp, Elizabeth realizes she has NO CASH for the toll. After briefly debating whether to reverse it back off the ramp, Elizabeth thinks, how much could it really be? Joel keeps change in the ashtray.

And then Elizabeth beholds the sign: 2-axle cars, $2.00.

Two dollars?!?! Uh oh...and the toll plaza is mere yards away!

Elizabeth frantically digs through the ashtray (all the while reminiscing about the time she had to solicit a quarter from the driver behind her - really, who has more of an interest in getting you through the toll booth quickly?) and holds up traffic as she scrapes together every blessed nickel and dime and hands them to the bored (annoyed?)-looking toll lady.

And not a minute later, Elizabeth goes whizzing by Business-158 merging back on to VA-158.

Oh, the strongly-worded thoughts that entered my mind about Joel taking his map out of the car. Oh, the incredible anger that welled up within me knowing I could have avoided the whole situation. Oh, how difficult it was to let go of that two-dollar mistake. Don't you hate when the one time you decide to learn from your mistakes and eat crow, navigationally speaking, it turns around and bites you in the ashtray?

God really knows how to keep me humble.

Welcome to my crazy.

Bite Back!

If you haven't checked out BooMama's blog, I advise you to do so immediately.

In the event that you're too lazy (or too devoted to my blog to ever navigate away), let me tell you about something cool that she is doing.

Through Compassion International, YOU can help children in Africa who can't afford inexpensive mosquito nets to be saved from the preventable disease malaria. Countless children die from this disease, and doctors in Africa are frustrated because a little netting and some education could prevent this great tragedy. So, get this - for a one-time donation of $10, YOU, yes you can provide a child (or a family if they sleep in the same place) with a mosquito net that lasts three years, along with education and treatment. To donate or for more information, click here.

Almost Famous...Sort Of

I'm famous!

You know how you feel super-cool when you have up-close, personal contact with someone who actually IS famous, and you bask in their reflected glory for, like, way longer than is probably appropriate? It's like that...

So I've been doing all this research for my dissertation on "Efficacy Expectations as a Mediating Variable in Marital Conflict Resolution" (or something like that). Amongst my, oh, fifteen thousand articles that I have gathered in my review of the literature, about 80% have had the names "Fincham" and/or "Bradbury" in the author spot. And 99% have these gentlemen at least cited somewhere in their discussion.

So as I am gathering measures to use in my dissertation, it comes as no surprise that I'm interested in the Relationship Attribution Measure, developed by none other than our dear Fincham, and an expectancy questionnaire designed by, you guessed it, the fair Dr. Bradbury.

So now for the part where I got famous.

I emailed these two really hugely famous researchers, at least one of whom was a Rhodes Scholar and is now a Big Important Honored Professor at Oxford. Me, this piddly little doctoral student, tugging at the sleeve of these Great Men, asking if I can use their Brilliantly Designed Measures.

And I got an email back!!!

Dr. Fincham the Unfathomably Intelligent sent me a response within, oh, five minutes. And it was TWO WHOLE LINES. They went something like this:

You are most welcome. I am so glad that you find it helpful.

Good luck with your research.

Obviously, my research will indeed be blessed with sweet favor.

I can't wait to see what the Fair Bradbury has to say!!

Vitae Fodder

There's a very important thing called a "Curriculum Vitae," or C.V., that comes to dominate your consciousness when you are in graduate school. Along with things like, you know, dissertation and comprehensive exams and internship applications. But it's very important to fill your vitae with very impressive, scholarly things so that internship sites will find you appealing. So people tend to do very labor-intensive and travel-intensive things to add lines to this crucial document.

With such a goal in mind, I and three other Regenters traveled to Charlottesville today to present our brilliantly-crafted posters at the Virginia Psychological Association conference.

Behold:


It was a whirlwind trip with an overnight stop at Michele's parents' home in Lynchburg. So fabulous! We crashed close to midnight and were up again at 5:30 to drive the remaining 1.5 hours to the conference location. What an exhausting day, but mission accomplished: the much-coveted vitae line may now be claimed.

Now I'll definitely match for internship!

And That's What It's All About

I was driving home from Covenant today, just listening to the radio, when I heard a song that made me stop and think.

Strange, I know.

My radio has been broken for like a year.

I was driving Joel's car, if you must know. I'm spoiled today because I am driving a bunch of friends up to Charlottesville tonight for the VPA conference. But I digress.

Oh wait, you thought it was strange that I heard thought-provoking music. You'll be even more surprised to learn that it was on K-LOVE, of all stations. That's right, a radio presence whose entire marketing strategy currently revolves around the fact that its goal is to make you "feel good". Light And Fluffy should be their slogan. I suppose Positive And Encouraging isn't far off, though.

On a side note, their "feel good" advertising bothers me. Christianity isn't about feeling good. It's not really about feeling at all, although positive feelings may be a bonus. Christianity is about being saved from the wrath of God by the grace and mercy of God, as justice was served once and for all in Christ. It's a fact thing, not a feeling thing. Why do we insist on marketing Christianity in a neat little package that promises sunshine and roses, health and wealth, if you just accept Jesus into your heart? Sure, I'll take that Jesus!

But I'd much prefer a Jesus who strengthens me for the difficult realities of this fallen world. To draw from a Natalie Grant Song ("Held"), our salvation isn't about removing obstacles and hurdles from our lives. It's about being (not just feeling) empowered to overcome them not somehow, but triumphantly! It's about being sustained in spite of the obstacles and hurdles, held far above them in a place where a deeper joy trumps sorrow and loss. Far be it from me to pretend that sin is magically eradicated from my life when I enter a relationship with Christ. How I wish this were the case! Rather, my Father comes alongside me and lovingly says, "We'll work on that sin...but in the meantime, I no longer hold it against you." The end result is not a lack of sin (it wouldn't be eliminated from the world, even if it were somehow gone from my own heart), but instead a lack of the penalty for sin, and a new perspective on pain and suffering.

Take this verse, for instance:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28).

Does it say that God will pamper us with chocolate and candles and soft music all the days of our lives?

No. (Although I'd be perfectly fine with my husband deciding to do this.)

I'd say it implies that whatever happens (in some things? no - in all things!), God will somehow orchestrate all for our ultimate good.

Which returns me to the original topic of my post (finally!).

The song I heard goes something like this: "He makes all things good, He makes all things good. There is a time to live and a time to die, a time for wonder and to wonder why, cause there is a reason. There is a reason." ~Caedmon's Call, "There is a Reason"

And I got to thinking: He does make all things good. That's Who He is. He is good. In His infinite, gracious love, God takes all of our sinful and foolish screw-ups and transforms them to our good for His glory.

Did you catch that last part? For His glory. That's really what it's all about (sorry, Hokey Pokey!). Even our salvation is about His glory. Of course God is love, and He accepts us as we are and forgives us and welcomes us to Himself. But why? So that we can bring Him the glory! We rejoice in our salvation for His sake. When I got that one, it was like a huge light bulb went on in my head. Why would He save me? Because He desires me to love Him as much as He loves me, and He desires my worship, my praise, my adoration. He is not willing that I should be separated from Him. He has chosen me to help fill His throne room with eternal song! This is love, that He laid down His life for us. But God does nothing apart from His own ultimate glory.

Which is where our ultimate good comes in.

Which God is more glorious, the one Who erases sin and causes all life to be without pain or difficulty, or the one Who is able to allow sin and pain for a time and cause them to somehow be transformed into good and glory? The second God is far more amazing, far more glorious! What a demonstration of His power that He can take MY life, MY struggles, MY silly humanity and make something good and beautiful and purposeful of them!

So that's what it's all about. We're people: by definition we are sinful, fallen, broken. We'll go on screwing up until the end of time. It's who we are.

But God is God: by definition He is love, He is power, He is glory, and He is good. He'll go on picking up our pieces and weaving them together in ways far more beautiful and glorious than we could ever see from here. I liken it to being stuck behind a tapestry: we see the knots and random strings going all over the place, but turned over, we suddenly see the great artistry of the Weaver. He takes my frayed, ugly little thread and weaves it through a few other frayed, ugly little threads and suddenly a gorgeous blend of fabric takes on color and beauty. He makes all things good. He'll go on making things good until the end of time. It's Who He is.

Irony

Irony is wanting to post your third blog entry of the day to announce that you are suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome. Which is the result of incessant blogging.

In case you were wondering.

I should be writing a paper.

Check This Out. Seriously.

You'll never guess what I just got in the mail - the Celtic Woman, A New Journey, Live at Slane Castle DVD! This concert is absolutely fabulous, even if you are not hugely into celtic music. Please come to my home and watch it (if you're my friend. Otherwise, you know, that'd be weird.).

What you will experience: Five beautiful celtic women with names like Orla and Meav, whose voices are so pure and sweet...not to mention the lovely Mairead who dances around with her fiddle on the fast numbers. Full orchestral and choral accompaniment, along with the backdrop of the Irish Slane Castle, make for a breathtaking performance! They even sing in Celtic on some of the numbers. Amazing!

A big THANK YOU to my fabulous sister Brittany for this fabulous birthday present! I need to come up with a fabulous new adjective!

I am watching it right now, not five minutes after the big brown truck of happiness delivered it to my doorstep, and I thought it was our friend Jimmey so I was all "hey! come on in!" through the open front door from the comfort of my couch, and then he didn't answer so I ran to the door and realized it was the UPS guy...who was beating a hasty retreat away from the crazy lady in the cute blue slippers.

Yay Celtic Woman!

Also see their male counterparts, High Kings. Their "Dance at Crossroads" video is also great.