Too Much Skin...Or Heart?

I greatly appreciated this article on modesty that appeared recently on the Next webzine. I'm unfamiliar with Next as a whole, but they seem to be affiliated with Joshua Harris and Sovereign Grace Ministries. The vision of Next is to "gather worshipers of Christ who burn with a passion to see the gospel transferred to the next generation."

So the article on modesty.

Lydia Brownback touches on the obvious need for physical modesty as the summer season approaches. But she lingers there only briefly, highlighting the latter end of the modesty passage in 1 Peter:

3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. [1 Peter 3:3-4]

Brownback's emphasis on a gentle and quiet spirit illuminates an entirely different angle on modesty. She links "a gentle and quiet spirit" with discretion in revealing ourselves to others on an emotional level. The article is geared toward single women, and Brownback cautions singles against forming close friendships with single men without any sort of commitment. Pouring out our inner struggles and feelings to another person inevitably forms a bond, but if that bond is formed in the wrong context - either in the absence of commitment, or when the person is committed to someone else - pain will ensue.

Too few Christians grasp this idea of emotional modesty. I know I haven't always prioritized it as I should. We think it is ideal to be honest and authentic with one another. And this is true in the right context, among mature, trusted believers of the same gender. Yet we ought to exercise discretion not only for the protection of our own hearts, but for the protection of others' hearts as well. Opportunities abound for us to develop friendships with members of the opposite sex, particularly in the church and for those in graduate school where we often collaborate on projects and presentations. Brownback points out that most married men spend more waking hours with their coworkers than with their own wives. This should caution us to be very careful of our interactions and of the bonds we form with other people's spouses.

As a married woman, I have the greatest respect for the men in my life who exercise great discretion and display high regard for my marriage, as well as for their own. There is a noticeable difference between those men who treat me as a married woman, and those men who treat me as just another friend. My natural inclination is to feel comfortable in friendships with males, but the Lord has been gracious to show me through Scripture that my heart (inclusive of my thoughts, feelings, reflections, and struggles) is reserved for Him and my husband.

Men and women, married and single, should take heed of Brownback's exhortation to modesty. For us women, let our adornment come from a gentle and quiet spirit, exercising discretion in what we reveal of ourselves both physically and emotionally. Let us encourage our sisters to likewise protect their bodies and hearts with modesty. To you men, please respect the women in your life, and draw boundaries where there ought to be modesty and discretion. As men, you carry the burden of headship and must be careful to protect your own wife and marriage; but do not forget to exercise due diligence for the hearts of other men's wives. Encourage your wife to be modest in attire and expression, and hold her accountable. Encourage your male friends to be aware of modesty as well, and to be careful of their interactions with women. This is not to foster division between the sexes, but rather to nurture appropriate relationships between them.

If you haven't already, read the whole article. You might find yourself nodding in agreement. Or, you just might find yourself nudged out of your comfort zone, convicted in some area of immodesty and in need of some tighter boundaries. I hope, either way, that you are motivated to reflect deeply on the idea of emotional modesty, and what it means to be adorned with a gentle and quiet spirit.