The Elusive Quiet

Lately I disgust myself. It's easy to read through the Old Testament and shake my head at those silly, grumbling Israelites, yet I find myself doing the same. Worse, even, since I live on this side of the cross, God's most tangible proof of His covenant faithfulness.

And so I grumble. The murmurings of my heart belie an unquiet spirit. Only a short time ago, I danced before the Lord in thankfulness for my internship, an affordable apartment, signs of fertility, and positive reports on the health of my family. What a short memory I have! Like the Israelites, I so easily lose sight of the wonderful things God has already granted and grumble for the blessings I hope He has promised me.

Thus and such a friend has a new house and a beautiful baby, I remind God. Where is my child? When will we have a forever home? I focus so intently on my hopes for the future (not all bad), comparing my present to that of my peers (usually bad), and forget all about what the Lord has done in the quite recent past (definitely problematic). In these times it's helpful for me to return to the Old Testament and learn the lessons of the Israelites. Yes, they looked forward to the Promised Land and, ultimately, to the coming of the Messiah who would rescue His people from the just wrath of God. What promises! What a future! But how much time did they spend grumbling and complaining, comparing the bland manna of their wilderness journey to the garlics and leeks of their slavery in Egypt?

As Sara Groves would say, I've been painting pictures of Egypt and leaving out what it lacks.

Lord, help me cling to the blessings you have already freely and generously given. Let them remind me that you are a God of fulfilled promises...that your will for my life is my salvation and sanctification, to become more Christlike rather than more yuppy-like. Better is one day in your courts than a thousand in the house of my dreams with a wraparound porch and five bedrooms full of children. You are my portion; be thou also my vision, thou Lord of my life.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and [all that you need] will be added unto you." Matthew 6:33