Musings of an Everyday Wanderer

Meet Baby Pearce!

2010-06-15T18:16:00.003-04:00

The moment you've all been waiting for [and by all, I mean Tammy]: Joel and I are going to have a baby! We saw our little spud for the first time today, and here's photographic evidence in case you are skeptical...

Head on over to http://nosmallmiracle.blogspot.com to read up on all the blogging I haven't been doing over here!

Teaser

2010-06-12T17:56:00.002-04:00

Wonder why it's still so quiet on the blogging front? I've got another little, though rapidly growing, project on the side....stay tuned, you'll find out Tuesday what it is!

Ooooh the suspense is killing you, I just know it...

Regent University Commencement Exercises

2010-05-18T18:15:00.010-04:00

Well, it's official! Well, almost. Even almost-er than before when I defended my dissertation. I'm so perilously close to having my doctoral degree, I can taste it.

On Saturday, May 8, 2010, I participated in the Regent University Commencement Exercises. Even more meaningful was the Commissioning Ceremony the previous afternoon, which was a worship service and hooding ceremony just for the School of Psychology & Counseling. At the ceremony, my faculty placed my doctoral hood over my head, anointed my forehead with oil, and prayed over me. And the following morning at Commencement, Dr. Robertson himself conferred upon me the degree "Doctor of Psychology", with all the rights and privileges thereto appertaining. I even got to switch my tassel to the other side!

I am so grateful to the Lord for sustaining me through the past five years. What a journey it has been. And I praise God not only for His faithfulness, but for the steadfast support of my beloved husband at every turn. When I moved to Virginia Beach to start this program, he followed without hesitation. When my internship brought us to Reading, PA, he uprooted himself from his stable, decent-paying job and is now working two part-time jobs and taking library science courses - finally, a chance to pursue his own dreams. Joel, husband of my youth, I know that you are not one for grand laudatory comments or public acknowledgments of your merit. But you are truly my rock and my hero. For your selflessness and constant encouragement over the last five years, I thank you. I could not have done it without you, and that is no exaggeration.

I also thank my parents - mom and dad, I will always remember your gift of my doctoral hood and all that that symbolizes. As the song says, your love has given me roots, and helped me find my wings.

To mom and dad Pearce, I thank you as well, for welcoming me into your family even as I was about to drag your wonderful son on this whirlwind adventure of a doctoral program. Thank you for your support and encouragement, and for advising me so strongly against getting off of the train in the middle of the tunnel.

There are so many thanks to be poured out here. My precious sister, and my sisters and brothers in law, you have all been behind me every step of the way. My cohort members have been sweet friends and fellow sojourners through the crucible that is a clinical psychology program. I don't even remember who I was before you all came into my life.

Before this becomes an Oscar acceptance speech (too late?), allow me to cut to the photographic evidence.
Behold, almost-Dr. Pearce:

Two sweet friends, Amy and Michele, and Michele's little Jacob.
This is pre-hooding, hence the bare black graduation robes.

Complete regalia, after the Commissioning/hooding Ceremony. It's not that I favor the Pearces over my own family, but somehow this was the only picture I have access to at the moment!

And, complete with the souvenir hat and fake diploma! If we look a little uncomfortable, it's because we were - I baked in my own portable oven on a brick patio at 90 degrees for three hours. Joel at least got to sit in the shade...

And what's all this to-do about a hood? Behold, the Regent Psy.D. hood in (most of) its glory! It has a sweet tail thing at the bottom that shows more of the royal blue and green colors.

To clarify, I will be totally official when I have completed my internship and that final internship credit has posted with the registrar. Then, they will unceremoniously mail me a diploma, and I will commence signing even my grocery receipts with a "Psy.D." on the end.

Thanks for your kind attention, if you've read this far. Here ends the public lauding of my own success, I promise. Now, back to the barely-paying, lowly intern grind...hmm, I think this post was more to remind me that I really did graduate, than it was to inform anybody else of the fact. I love being in tune with my underlying psychological drives...

Home Stretch

2010-05-18T09:08:00.002-04:00

Hi, my name's Elizabeth, and I used to have a blog. I'm here today to dust off the cobwebs and see what's left of my corner of the interweb. Is anybody in here? HELLOOOO? [hello, hello, hello....]

Well. At any rate, I guess I could give the three of us who are here a quick update on how things are going, seeing as how it's been so long. As this post title suggests, I'm in the home stretch of my internship. Only fifteen weeks to go! (I confess, I have numbered the weeks in my planner so that I can watch them tick away.) I'll spend the remainder of my time focusing on my outpatient caseload and conducting forensic evaluations with Dr. Larry Rotenberg, a renowned forensic psychiatrist in Pennsylvania. I would tell you what my work with him is like, but then my husband wouldn't allow me to go back. We get some rather unsavory characters - but don't worry, they're usually very friendly criminals.

I'm also pleased to report that I have an interview on Friday for a postdoctoral position! It would be a job with a private practice in Leola, PA, so it would enable us to move toward Lancaster as we have been hoping to do. Also, I share a mutual friend with the head psychologist, so this has been a helpful connection thus far (thank you, Migdalia!!). I'm not sure whether the practice as a whole is explicitly Christian, but the head psychologist who founded the practice is a believer, and several of the therapists in his employ are Christians and incorporate spiritual concerns into their treatment. I'm so excited for this opportunity! Please pray that the interview goes well, and that they like me as well in person as they do on paper.

As I mentioned, we're looking for a place to live. Before you pause to pray about my interview, please add to your prayer list our housing search. We have a couple of leads on houses for rent, and Joel's mission (should he choose to accept it) is to contact realtors and follow up on these leads until we have, in fact, a new place to live. We covet your prayers to this end. There are so many details to fall into place, and we trust the Lord to provide for all these needs.

Otherwise, we are supremely happy and eagerly anticipating the future. It's a relief to be on my final rotation so that I (hopefully) have a little more time to think and blog. We'll see how that goes, eh? Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for hanging in there for these past four months of blogging silence!

You Know It's Time for a New Post When...

2010-01-04T20:17:00.003-05:00

...You check your blog on January 4 and realize there are still pumpkins gracing the page. I can't believe I missed my opportunity for Christmas cheer here on the interwebs!

Sadly, nothing has happened between November 13 and January 4 to inspire a truly substantive post. Well, that's not entirely true, but they're working me hard these days and between a new rotation and catching my breath from the holidays, I don't have bonus thoughts to string together for the blog.

You read that right: This week I begin a new rotation over on the inpatient unit. Spruce Pavilion. Club Spruce. The Spruce. I hear the food is excellent. Yes, there is shuffleboard.

For the patients, that is...I, on the other hand, will magically transform into Spruce's Personal Assessment Slave (I wish that were backwards so I could be a SAP....Slavish Assessment Person?) (oh wait, it could be SPAS, pronounced "spazz". Yes!), help run therapy groups over there, and still carry my outpatient caseload. Hopefully it won't be quite as stressful as my former office-mate Eileen would have me believe. ("Former" because she and Monica traded offices, not because I finally lost my patience....).

The internship's going great, yes I'm a bit loopy (hazard of the job, I'm afraid), and don't expect another blog update til May 1 when I flip rotations for the third and final time! Someday I'll be free again to think my own thoughts and share them with you...

Love,
Almost-Dr. Pearce (fingers crossed!)

Therapeutic Self-Centeredness

2009-11-13T19:25:00.004-05:00

Perhaps this one will be a true "musing"...

If you've read my most recent posts (though not terribly recent, I'm sorry to observe), then you're likely aware of my position as a psychology intern and therapist extraordinaire at a local hospital. I've enjoyed my unique (read: lonely) perspective as a Christian psychologist, poised to catch those moments in which psychology and faith intersect. Usually, the crossroads are sublime. Sometimes they are not. This is a musing about the latter.

Therapy is sort of an individual thing. Even in group therapy, the focus is on improving yourself, building your coping and interpersonal skills, learning how to overcome your depression/anxiety/self-pity/mass media-induced neurosis. Accordingly, self-esteem is paramount. Therapists exhort clients ad nauseum to use positive self-talk, make a list of positive qualities about themselves, identify strengths and successes, disregard the opinions and past abuses of others. And there is merit to this, in the sense that no person was intended to be a doormat, nor deeply and permanently depressed.

But the opposite of, and cure for, self-loathing is not self-worship. I don't believe the answer to low self-esteem is to build a shrine to self and lie there prostrate. How I want to scream this to my clients, even as I listen to my co-therapist encourage a group of used, abused, weepy-eyed, self-flagellating women (we had a gender-homogeneous group today) to put themselves first. These women roll out their laundry lists of thankless tasks: cleaning, cooking, caring for the kids, putting up with a sour (at best) relationship, enduring emotional havoc from aging parents. They pour themselves out daily for others and are realizing that this is draining, impossible to sustain indefinitely.

As I listen, I hear much of what is biblical about femininity: nurturing, caring, raising children, having a sensitivity to the emotions and behaviors of others. To an extreme, perhaps, and many of these women do not know how to set boundaries or to say no when it might be appropriate. I also hear much that is biblical concerning the human experience: it stinks sometimes to live in a fallen world among fallen people. And sometimes we feel ugly in our own skin.

I agree with secular psychology on one point: the answer requires a drastic re-aligning of priorities. But it is not a re-aligning that places the self in the top position. Far from it! Fulfillment will never - not EVER - come from selfishness, even well-intentioned selfishness designed to salve a wounded ego.

Rather, the answer is in reorienting ourselves so that our primary and ultimate allegiance is to the One who created us to be women (and men) bearing His image. My spirit resonates with the struggles of these women: I, too, feel the pressures of balancing a home and work, of pushing myself to sort the laundry when I don't feel like it, of cooking meals when I'm tired, of cleaning things that I'll never be thanked for. But I do believe that many of these tasks are at the heart of what it is to be a woman: a suitable help-mate for a man. I do not find the strength to do these things through scheduling regular bubble baths and pedicures (though those are nice when they happen), nor by washing my own clothes and dishes and letting the rest of the house go to pot (that was an actual suggestion today, to show the rest of the family what an important job she does). I find the strength to do these things through worshipping my God and believing His word that He created me to serve and to nurture. I find fulfillment in the thankless because I do all to the glory of God, not to the glory of me or my husband. I feel worthwhile because charm is deceptive and beauty fades, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

I wonder if our therapies are rendered less effective because we emphasize the self so heavily, to the exclusion of considering other, higher priorities. Ironically, our therapeutically self-centered culture is making us all the more neurotic because we can never raise our self-esteem high enough - until it is too high, and then we have a whole different set of pathologies.

Yes, we are to see value in ourselves and in our work. But that value is to flow from the ultimate worth-ship of our Creator, who created us in His image and declared that, behold, we are very good. And we are to always remember that our value is only because He has made it so: apart from His grace, we are in a state of abject wretchedness. The women in my therapy group are only feeling the reality of their condition! When my self-esteem is low, I return to the truths of Scripture and believe, even when my heart doesn't feel like it. I believe that God is God, and I am not. I believe that I ought to esteem myself lowly. And I believe that by His good pleasure and grace, He has placed me a little lower than the angels, nay, has clothed me in the righteousness of His Son and adopted me as a co-heir of heaven.

How could listing my positive qualities, filthy rags such as they are, possibly compare with the inestimable riches and beauty of the crown of life? What positive self-talk could I possibly craft to encourage me more than to say I am a daughter of El-Shaddai? When my spirit groans in this fallen world, may I not yield to therapeutic self-centeredness, but may the Lord help me to cast my eyes heavenward, to cry "Come quickly, Lord Jesus!" and to be faithful by His grace until He does.

God and Psychotherapy, Part the Second

2009-10-08T18:51:00.004-04:00

I'm not sure I have the energy to make this post quite as eloquent as the one about angel-guy and reality, but as I witness the ongoing intersection between therapy and faith, I feel compelled to share.

Actually, this post will be more of a musing than a story (thus perfectly befitting the title of my blog, for perhaps the first time? do I often muse? how can one tell?) (I might not muse, but I certainly digress). ANYWAY...

I've noticed that clients seem reluctant to talk about their faith in session. I've had several who, just in passing, have mentioned something about God or religious beliefs, or some Christian song that they enjoy singing. Because I love Jesus and was trained at Regent University, I'm usually on that like a hawk. "Oh, are your beliefs about God important to you?" "Oh, do you enjoy singing Christian songs? What are your beliefs about that?" It is glorious when this occurs, like a sudden, unexpected beam of light shining down onto my therapy couch.

I'm always amazed when my clients seem surprised that I should ask. Those who have opened this door have turned out to identify as Christians, and to report that their beliefs are of core importance to them. How could such a person claim to desire healing without incorporating such a central component of their humanity? It blows the mind, really. Have we, as a field, professed so much hostility toward religion that our clients, the very ones for whom we exist, feel afraid to mention their love for the Lord?

One feels inspired to cuss. Or would, perhaps, if one weren't such a thoroughly sanctified girl.

I have one client in particular, whose name is startlingly appropriate to this story (we'll call her Faith, not her real name). She has been struggling with overwhelming guilt and shame related to her daughter's experience of abuse in the past. Faith has been stuck in a very deep depression for over a year, and to make matters worse, is somaticizing her distress as physical pain throughout her body. She feels little relief from her pain, even with medication and a sporadic exercise regimen. It is difficult for her to function from day to day because of the staggering weight of her guilt and sorrow.

I was trying to help her identify activities that lift her mood, even a little. She mentioned reading, and I asked what she enjoys reading. Her reading material of choice includes books about God, love, and becoming a better person. Choosing to believe that she was not referring to anything Olsteen-related, I asked about her interest in God. Does she have a relationship with God? Is this important to her? How has she experienced God since she learned of her daughter's abuse? Has she felt a disconnect between what she knows about God, and the way she feels her relationship with him is now?

Well oh my stars. If this woman didn't just light up at the mention of her God. We didn't solve world hunger, or even permanently do away with her depression, but we had such a conversation as has rarely graced a therapy room. It turns out she has felt very distant from God lately, and this is very distressing for her. She believes in Jesus, but it is incredibly difficult for her to let go of the guilt that comes from blaming herself for her daughter's abuse.

Does this not change everything about the way we will move forward in therapy??

In fifteen minutes we moved from a cold, stuck, barren place in which Faith has little hope for ever improving, to a warm, beautiful, living place in which Faith remembers her love for God, her passion for beauty, and her gift for writing poetry. Next time I see Faith, she will bring her old writings and we will speak of the only thing that is really True. Before she left that day, she smiled for at least five minutes and complimented my hair.

And all I did was agree with her that God exists, and He gives us good things, and that sometimes what we know about Him is very different from the way we experience Him. I gave her permission to speak about that which is Real in a way that her guilt and depression never will be. All I did was spot an unlocked door, and nudge it open enough for us to peer through together. And I do believe we'll be walking through it in the near future: the door to forgiveness and hope.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out. With depression as significant as Faith is experiencing, progress tends to be slow and recovery is not always complete - i.e. some symptoms and/or some tendency to relapse will always remain. I blame the genetic component of mood disorders. But if we can reduce the heavy burden of guilt, I would imagine that we will see some level of improvement.

You know, it's interesting. That morning, as I laid in bed struggling to wake up and leave my warm (canoe-shaped...but that's a different post...) cocoon, I said a prayer for the clients I would see that day. Wednesdays are my full days, and I am there roughly 11.5 hours, so it takes a fairly strong kick in the pants to get me going. I find that it helps to minimize my stress and fear of exhaustion if I pray over that day's workload (go figure). And I prayed for Faith, who previously had been a bit of a frustration to me because of her stuck-ness. And lo and behold, the Lord saw fit to enter into the healing process that very morning.

I love my job.

[editor's note: I guess this turned out to be both a musing and a story. I have such a gift for smooth transitions and combining literary genres.]

Get It???

2009-10-06T21:01:00.002-04:00

[ht: www.basketcasecomix.com]

Operation Snowball

2009-10-03T20:39:00.003-04:00

Joel and I sat down to a long-overdue business meeting this morning and hashed out our budget. Actually, our first step was to list our one-year goals as a couple, including family, financial, personal, and professional goals. These goals may or may not have included "no more back pain!" and "get a normal job!". I won't tell you which goal was whose.

This was a great experience. I'm reminded of a well-known piece of wisdom: Begin with the end in mind. If you don't know where you want to end up, how will you ever get there? It was neat to envision where we want to be in another twelve months. We also hope to do the same with five-year goals and perhaps longer-term goals than that, but this was a good start.

When we had listed our financial goals in particular (though some of our personal goals are related), we realized that our next priority had to be examining the budget. We have been sorely remiss in not evaluating our financial situation monthly, or even bimonthly, in the recent past, with the result that we weren't entirely sure where we stood in relation to our financial goals.

Enter Operation Snowball.

I don't know whether you're familiar with the Snowball philosophy of getting out of debt. It's from the Dave Ramsey school of thought, I believe (if not him, then someone similar with perhaps a different hairstyle). You write a budget that involves minimum monthly payments toward each of your debts, and look to see whether you have a monthly surplus or deficit. We found ourselves extremely fortunate to have a modest monthly surplus - the advantage of going from one income to two, and downgrading our housing for this year. This is where the Snowball philosophy kicks in.

As we looked at putting all of our monthly surplus toward the debt with the lowest monthly payment, we realized we could be rid of that one by January (!!). Roll the monthly surplus and what we had been paying toward that debt into a payment for the second-lowest-monthly debt, and we can be rid of debt #2 by May! Wow, this is really working! And miracle or miracles, when we take all of the monthly surplus + debt 1 payment + debt 2 payment and put it toward debt #3 each month, we'll be done with that one a short time later. Voila, financial goals #1, 3 and 4 passed and surpassed with style.

We are really, really motivated to stick with this, but we sometimes have trouble with willpower. Therefore, we decided to dub our aggressive budget plan "Operation Snowball". Any time we feel tempted to splurge on something outside the budget, we will squint menacingly at one another, yell "Operation Snowball!" and exchange fist pounds (the exploding kind). Should you ever witness this, you are welcome to participate by throwing your hands in the air and waving them like you just don't care. Perhaps then we will be able to resist the siren song of the strawberry kiwi Gelato from Rita's.

I'm not so optimistic about resisting the Sesame Chicken from Zhuang's Garden, but like I always say, baby steps, people.

The Fictions of Our Healing

2009-09-15T19:09:00.008-04:00

I spent today on the partial unit because they were short-staffed due to something about a state inspection. Hopefully they only reviewed charts that I have not yet touched, because I doubt that my paperwork wherewithall is on par with state regs at this point.

And also, it's a "partial hospitalization" unit, not half a hospital wing. It can be a bit confusing when we healthcare professionals toss around the medical jargon, I know. Basically, the patients come in for a day of structure and group therapy and return home around 2:00. They need more support than just weekly outpatient therapy, but don't require the constant supervision of inpatient care. Anyways.

My brain and schedule have been so full lately that I fear I have not been on the lookout for "bloggable moments" as much as, say, mid-July, when my life was to file my nails, eat bon-bons, and pine for my husband. How things have changed! Now I get up at dawn, eat cafeteria food, and pine for my husband.

So I was thankful when, just this morning, a bloggable moment basically smacked me in the face. It's my honor to bring it to you, and hope you find some worth in its reading.

Picture a room, large enough for two long tables pushed together on one side (for lunch, therapeutic recreation, and psychoeducation group) and a circle of a dozen or so chairs on the other. A noisy air conditioner in each of two windows stands silent, abandoned in favor of audible therapy. The air hangs heavy with the remnants of this morning's muddy coffee and the closeness of fellow sojourners about to bare their souls. There is one empty chair in the circle, and a girl jokes that her hallucinations have a place to sit today. This is a place where the lines between reality and non-reality tend to shift around a bit, and are sometimes ignored altogether.

Reality. For one weathered man, reality is a foreclosure, an abusive wife, and a suicide attempt two weeks ago. For the new girl, it's somehow picking up the pieces and her baby girl and moving on from the suicide of her live-in boyfriend. The quiet lady in the corner is "down" today; yesterday she was "up" and couldn't stop fidgeting, drawing, talking, drinking coffee. The other therapist and I value reality and work so that our patients are in touch with it; our patients, on the other hand, would sooner spit on it than live it. And they tell us so.

This is a tough crowd. A cynical bunch. What does a white-bread little girl know about reality? They want to know. I'm a no-fat double latte to their whiskey on the rocks. Oh they're kind, they let me sit in their circle and ask polite questions about their troubles, offer bland suggestions about deep breathing and challenging negative thoughts.

As though I'd be coping just fine with the things they carry in those dark, tattered corners of their souls.

Enter a man with the name of an angel. He's fat, and he has a mustache and the kind of voice you'd pair with Steve Urkel if you didn't know better. He came to us for the first time yesterday from inpatient, after a brief stint in the regular hospital. Angel-guy has chronic health issues and attempted suicide by altering his meds. He's not cool by a long shot, and he hasn't been here long enough to know that the only people who talk about God are the schizophrenics with "religious preoccupations".

We had just begun morning process group, and it was one of those days when, in the words of my co-therapist, you just know you're going to haul out your crowbar and start playing dentist. Like pulling teeth, I chimed in, clarifying his allusion so that the more easily frightened in the bunch wouldn't be sent into full-blown panic attack mode. That's not a joke. You never know whose meds were adjusted by the doc yesterday.

Bless his heart, angel-guy stepped into the void of going first in group. His voice was shaky because he struggles with social anxiety (in this group, who doesn't?), but angel-guy took a deep breath and talked to us about God.

Nobody else noticed anything amiss. The other group members probably (barring auditory hallucinations) heard a guy saying, among stutters and stops, that he knows God is still there, but it's hard to feel connected with him right now because he's so depressed. My co-therapist probably heard delusions teeming with maladaptive thoughts, a sick man so intent on connecting with a mythical deity that he won't be able to discard his unhelpful beliefs and focus on his own health.

Me? I watched the paradox of reality shattering un-reality before my very eyes. In this room, where supposedly the sane lead the insane, the craziest thing of all was happening. Suddenly the fictions of our healing were fatally wounded by the Truth. We were children offering each other jellybeans for our ills while one simple, pathetic man spoke of the Bread of Life, a sovereign God who has spoken peace once and for all if we would only take and eat. He knew that reality, true reality, was somewhere just beyond his grasp, if only it would find him again.

It was a moment that loses something in the translation. But in that moment I wondered what we were doing. In that moment, my soul wept bitterly, and even now mourns, for the lost who believe they are found by cognitive therapies and relaxation techniques. Our healing is dressing mortal wounds in pretty colors if we do not offer the balm of Gilead. Our foolish reality, ignorant of the eternal God, is a tale told by an idiot, signifying nothing.

Oh, there is a place for our pretty colors and positive thoughts. I feel no less called to offer compassion and help to those who suffer in the prison of the mind. If we can liberate our patients from the chains of depression, anxiety, and psychosis, so much the better. But let us not delude ourselves into believing we have saved them from anything particularly important. Indeed, perhaps it is those with chronic and persistent mental illnesses (and other chronic health problems, certainly) who are not "cured" by our treatments and believe themselves to be beyond hope in this world, who are the nearest to understanding their true plight. And it is up to us to offer hope that is beyond this world.

Father, God, show me how you would have me serve as a psychologist for Your kingdom.
Make me an instrument of the peace that passes all understanding.
Where there is hatred, let me model unconditional love.
Where there is injury, may I speak of true pardon.
Where there is doubt, help me to show that there is Truth worthy of our faith.
Where there is despair, may hope be evident in my ministering.
Where there is darkness, go before me as the light that defeats all shadow.
And where there is sadness, may I demonstrate the joy that lies deeper than circumstance.

Lord, I encounter pain on a daily basis. It seems my caseload consists of Job after Job. Grant that I would not seek merely to treat superficial problems of thought and feeling, but that I would also seek open doors to conversations about Your reality, which is our true reality. Even while I am constrained by law and ethics, sharpen my intellect with discernment and poise my tongue to speak the truth whenever possible. Help me to remember that to love is to point to you.

And Father, when I am weak of heart, remind me of this man who was not afraid to speak your name into the darkness.

Message in a Bottle

2009-09-03T19:43:00.004-04:00

I've been running a mile a minute this week with the start of my internship. My brain is hurting from all the hospital orientation and psychiatry department orientation and meeting supervisors and having 12 patients' charts to read and schedule appointments in the next week. They have me booked almost solid with meetings and trainings through next Wednesday and starting my rotation on the adult partial unit next Thursday.

If you'd like to know what that entails, try to catch me sometime when I'm not sleeping or at work.....Right.

So consider this a little message in a bottle, scribbled quickly on a napkin and chucked into the drink as I dash by. I'm ok, you're ok, and internship is going to be great once I settle into some sort of a routine. I'm excited at all the fantastic experiences I'll have - including a forensic rotation with Dr. Larry Rotenberg, who is a self-described "passionate, atheistic Jew" and a forensic evaluation guru across the state of PA and beyond.

And perhaps I'll even finish my dissertation one of these days!

Gender Bender in the Military

2009-08-20T23:30:00.003-04:00

Dr. R. Albert Mohler, Jr. posted an article yesterday commenting on the present state of gender policy in our military. As a Christian who believes in Biblical gender roles, I found Dr. Mohler's perspective to be both intriguing and concerning. A few excerpts:

A nation's moral character is revealed in the way it fights its wars. This report, filled with documentation, reveals that our nation's moral character is now being redefined before our eyes. If it is true that a majority of the American people affirm their readiness to see women "join combat units, where they would be directly involved in the ground fighting," the American people are demonstrating their disregard for the moral wisdom of the ages. The nation is forfeiting the responsibility of men to act as protectors of women, and acquiescing to the failure of men to fulfill their duty.

* * * * *

When women are injected into combat, the dignity of women is undermined. In the extreme conditions of combat, women are exposed to the very worst that human beings can do and a physical violence that exceeds the imagination. There is no shortage of arguments against this practice. Biological arguments document differences of physical strength and stamina. Psychological arguments consider not only the psychological profile of women in combat but the difference the presence of women makes on men fighting alongside them.

* * * * *

Are we a nation ready to admit that our men must be accompanied by women on the battlefield? Are we ready to break down the necessary lines of respect between men and women? Is this really who we are? Will Americans look the other way and refuse to see this quiet circumvention of morality? Far more than the future of the military is at stake.

* * * * *
* * * * *

Dr. Mohler presents practical as well as moral arguments against women serving in active combat alongside men. The whole article is worth the few minutes of time it will take to read its entirety.

As a fairly assertive, perhaps strong-willed (I've been told) woman, part of me feels as though I should support the feminist goal of equality with men in the military, as in all areas of life. But it seems to me that equality in worth does not necessitate fulfilling all of the same roles (I know, I know, no new territory here, fellow Reformed Christians). I am perfectly content to be a high achiever in academia and psychology, to be a student of theology and music, and to increase my skill at tasks required to make my house a home. I can excel at many things while accepting my God-given role as a woman, as one who is to be protected and honored, generally a receiver rather than an initiator, and primarily a homemaker rather than a provider.

There are always occasions for these gender roles to be bent out of necessity, but as a general rule, this is where the Lord has created me to be - by a man's side, yet behind him in order to be led and protected. The dominant side of my personality finds that this is a wonderfully challenging role, as God conforms my spirit in submission to both Him and to my husband. For many women, it is difficult to submit to the authority and leadership of men. For many men, it is easier to allow the strong women around them to take charge than to do the hard work themselves of leading, providing, and protecting.

This indeed is at the heart of the curse on all creation: The Lord said to Eve, "Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you" [Genesis 3:16]. I read once that the word for "desire" here is the same that is used when the Scripture speaks of Satan "desiring" to have us. The ESV Study Bible notes that "for your husband" could be translated "against your husband". It is a desire for power and authority, for control. Ladies, we are destined to struggle for power if we do not acknowledge that this is part of our curse, and repent of our desire to be in charge. When we feel as though we are naturally inclined to assume authority, we must seek ways to do this in a Godly, feminine way - by leading other women and children, by managing our homes with excellence, and by channeling this drive into our God-given roles in the church and in the world.

Men, I pray, step up into the difficult place of leadership. Return to the wisdom of the ages - respect us women, honor us, protect us and fight for us. Lead so that we don't have to. Women, in turn, let us allow men to do these things for us. It doesn't mean that we are the slightest bit incapable of doing these things for ourselves; rather, it is God's ordained way for us to bear His image rightly. In marriage, we portray the bride of Christ who has been chosen, pursued, and bought with a price. In the created order more broadly, we are the lovely crown of creation, created especially to give nurture and help, to offer our strengths in complement to those of Adam. Bear your feminine image proudly, women! By adorning ourselves with Godly femininity, we will encourage the men around us to grow in Godly masculinity.

And what could be better than that?

The Elusive Quiet

2009-08-19T10:23:00.003-04:00

Lately I disgust myself. It's easy to read through the Old Testament and shake my head at those silly, grumbling Israelites, yet I find myself doing the same. Worse, even, since I live on this side of the cross, God's most tangible proof of His covenant faithfulness.

And so I grumble. The murmurings of my heart belie an unquiet spirit. Only a short time ago, I danced before the Lord in thankfulness for my internship, an affordable apartment, signs of fertility, and positive reports on the health of my family. What a short memory I have! Like the Israelites, I so easily lose sight of the wonderful things God has already granted and grumble for the blessings I hope He has promised me.

Thus and such a friend has a new house and a beautiful baby, I remind God. Where is my child? When will we have a forever home? I focus so intently on my hopes for the future (not all bad), comparing my present to that of my peers (usually bad), and forget all about what the Lord has done in the quite recent past (definitely problematic). In these times it's helpful for me to return to the Old Testament and learn the lessons of the Israelites. Yes, they looked forward to the Promised Land and, ultimately, to the coming of the Messiah who would rescue His people from the just wrath of God. What promises! What a future! But how much time did they spend grumbling and complaining, comparing the bland manna of their wilderness journey to the garlics and leeks of their slavery in Egypt?

As Sara Groves would say, I've been painting pictures of Egypt and leaving out what it lacks.

Lord, help me cling to the blessings you have already freely and generously given. Let them remind me that you are a God of fulfilled promises...that your will for my life is my salvation and sanctification, to become more Christlike rather than more yuppy-like. Better is one day in your courts than a thousand in the house of my dreams with a wraparound porch and five bedrooms full of children. You are my portion; be thou also my vision, thou Lord of my life.

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and [all that you need] will be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

My Favorite Anniversary Yet

2009-08-12T20:30:00.004-04:00

In celebration of our third year of marriage, Joel and I spent last night at a charming Bed and Breakfast (run by fellow Grovers, no less, who gave us a "Grove City Discount"!). We enjoyed a unique dining experience at Fenz complete with cheesecake and coffee, and promptly whisked a complimentary bottle of red wine and three fresh chocolate chip cookies up to our room upon our return to the Australian Walkabout Inn. The wine was sipped leisurely while we lounged in the hot tub that was located about five feet from our bed. The cookies served as late-night refreshment during our private viewing of the mid-90's blockbuster smash "Outbreak" (it was like reading one of my favorite Michael Crichton novels, only with an all-star cast and special effects, and from the comfort of a four-poster canopy bed). What a lovely night it was!

This morning, we awoke to fresh coffee and a four-course breakfast cooked extra specially for us. I should mention that we were the Walkabout's only guests last night, which entitled us to a free upgrade to any room of our choice (best of five, baby), and all the culinary attention we could handle. Fresh pineapple zucchini bread, spinach strata, chicken artichoke sausage, fresh berries, and a bottomless mug of java. We were not remotely hungry for the remainder of the day!

Following a leisurely breakfast, we checked out and headed for Amish country. We made it as far as a brief drive-through of Strasburg when the Walkabout called with tidings of Joel's phone charger. On our second attempt, we took a route that took us past a Mennonite Historical Society building that was holding an outdoor used book sale. If you know Joel and me, as I'm sure all five of you do, you realize that this was the highlight of our anniversary! We bought twelve books for $22 and have several aged additions to our theological and classic literature libraries. It only took an hour of weeding through The Purpose Driven Life and Prayer of Jabez to find some Reformed gems. Joel's getting out his library embosser as I type!

Onward and upward, we left the book sale for Starbucks (Joel had a gift card) and decided to hunt down a local Farmer's Market. We found success in the little village (town?) of Bird in Hand, and bought a tasty treat for some dear friends of ours who shall remain nameless so as not to spoil the surprise. We spent the afternoon driving around the area east of Lancaster in search of Quilt and Craft shops and other fun authentically-Amish attractions. We learned that we love us some Mennonite handiwork, and our (possibly long-term) goal is to buy an Amish quilt for our bedroom. These run several hundred dollars (the most expensive we saw today totaled $1600!) so we'll be saving up for a while. Other highlights included an "Amish flashlight", which consisted of a block of wood with a match sticking out of the end, and a kitschy wall hanging that says "Get kisses from the misses when you do the dishes!" This we will hang in the kitchen, more as a reminder to Joel than as true decor.

We stopped at one particular quilt shop whose proprietess, Emma Witmer, flipped through at least 20 quilts for us, rattling off the names of the patterns, stitches, and prices as only a seasoned expert can. It is our hope to return there one day to purchase a work of art to grace our bed. Those Amish quilts are truly amazing!

After a full day of exploring the Amish countryside, we returned home via a more local Farmer's Market where we picked up some sweet corn and fresh raspberries. The corn was possibly the best we've ever tasted, and the raspberries will garnish the last of Joel's "Welcome Home" chocolate chocolate chip cake with fudge frosting.

I'm sure there are details I've missed, but all in all, we've had a simply delightful anniversary celebration. What fun it was to meander about rural Pennsylvania with nary a worry and nary a plan, drifting where the wind blew and stopping wherever we pleased. If you are planning to visit any time soon, we will likely coerce you into a day trip back through Amish country. Don't worry, it may be a whole different world, but it's only about half an hour away.

To the husband of my youth: I love you more today than I did three years ago. It's hard to believe that much time has gone by - and at the same time, doesn't it feel like forever? Here's to many more years of abounding laughter and ever-increasing love! Tell Gramma Roach that we're on a roll so far, heading toward our fifty-year honeymoon :-).

In Which Ramblings I Ponder Theological Purity (Snobbery?)

2009-08-04T18:39:00.000-04:00

The gospel of Jesus the Christ is more precious to me than life. In fact, it is life.

I speak as chief of sinners, as one who is hateful, prideful, selfish, adulterous, faithless, resentful, bitter, malicious. I have sinned against God and man, have scorned His law before His very face. There is nothing in me, nothing at all, worthy of anything but the pure, boiling wrath of God poured out for all eternity in just punishment. I am fully, utterly depraved by virtue of having been born.

And Christ stands before this most holy, holy, holy God and intercedes. Beloved, He says to me, You are washed whiter than snow. Because I chose you, before the foundations of the world, to belong to me as one of my covenant elect, I was obedient to the Father unto death for your sins. Blessed child, I am the fulfillment of the Old Testament sacrifices. My blood, shed once for the forgiveness of many, is sufficient to justify you before the Father. My righteousness is sufficient to be counted for you forever. Christian, nothing you do, or fail to do, can separate you from My love! The Father has given you to me as an inheritance and nobody can pluck you from My strong hand! Not by your own merit, but by the Father's grace is He pleased to look upon me and count you forgiven.

Rejoice, beloved!

My heart leaps at these most precious truths. The church we have been attending here - Covenant Reformed Church, of the URC persuasion - proclaims these truths boldly, joyfully, and most assuredly every week. The pastor clearly expounds upon our wretchedness, the purpose of corporate worship as a covenant renewal service, leads us in corporate and private confession, assures us of our forgiveness and right standing before God, and administers the Lord's Supper (yes, weekly!) as a visible, tangible sign of the invisible work of Christ's sacrifice. Each time we have been there, I have felt tears spring to my eyes at the unashamed announcement of my sin and, miraculously, the assurance of grace to God's covenant people.

Because the Lord has been impressing these truths upon my heart in sharp relief, my heart is likewise enraged at any perception of error in this soul-piercing/life-giving message. In Barnes and Noble the other day, I picked up a book by a notable leader in the Emergent (Emerging? Have they Emerged yet?) movement in hope of skimming through it myself for some firsthand info. The gross error on the back cover alone evoked a visceral reaction similar to what might be expected upon simultaneously chewing spoiled meat, stepping in raw sewage, and being showered with sour milk. I actually could not prevent my face from contorting and my stomach from twisting.

This raises the question for me of the importance of being familiar with a movement or teaching in order to most intelligently and effectively dialogue with/refute it. Along similar lines, how are we to relate to those who depart significantly from orthodox theology (let's say, even, from Reformed theology) when we so strongly grieve the error represented in these people's doctrine. Scripture exhorts us to cling to the truth and to abhor evil and falsehood. How does that play out in terms of doctrinal differences between believers? Or in terms of familiarizing oneself with unorthodox teachings, perhaps heresies, in the name of being conversant with unbelievers or erring brothers and sisters?

Brethren, we must not be soft on doctrine. Ours is a system of belief based on facts, upon revealed truth from the very mouth of God. We declare truth; this is what sets us apart from the world and, indeed, gives us something to say to it.

I recently began a book by Doug Wilson entitled, "A Primer on Worship and Reformation". In the book, Wilson compares the apostate Christian to an adulterous husband. The man who engages in promiscuous flings, flirts with trouble, is not better because he is married. We do not say, well at least he has a wife! Quite the opposite! How much worse it is that he is not only being foolish, but he is also violating his marriage vows. Wilson compares this to the Christian whose doctrine is in error; we ought not to say, well at least this person is a brother in Christ. Rather, we should be even more fired up that this person believes wrongly about this or that doctrine. Because he is a child of God, his error is that much more egregious.

I confess I had never thought of it this way before. Wilson has more to say about the importance of fighting error within Christian circles, and about pursuing unity - but not at the expense of doctrinal standards. According to Wilson, conservatives pursue standards at the expense of unity, while moderates too often uphold unity without concern for standards. Neither is the correct approach.

I haven't gotten far enough in the book to learn what Wilson's solution is. I certainly hope that he offers one! Meanwhile, what say you? What of believers who differ on the matter of, say, perseverance of the saints, or the doctrines of predestination and election? To toss a grenade, how about paedobaptism vs. credobaptism? How important are these doctrines, and how do we handle disagreement? Where is the line between theological purity and spiritual snobbery?

And go...comment away!

Til Pilgrim Days Are Done

2009-07-27T00:03:00.002-04:00

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"Come unto Me and rest;
Lay down, thou weary one, lay down,
Thy head upon My breast."
I came to Jesus as I was,
Weary and worn and sad;
I found in Him a resting-place,
And He has made me glad.

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"Behold, I freely give
The living water; thirsty one,
Stoop down and drink and live."
I came to Jesus, and I drank
Of that life-giving stream.
My thirst was quenched, my soul revived,
And now I live in Him.

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"I am this dark world's Light.
Look unto Me; thy morn shall rise
And all thy day be bright."
I looked to Jesus, and I found
In Him my Star, my Sun;
And in that Light of Life I'll walk
'Til pilgrim days are done.

["I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say", Lutheran Hymnal #277; Horatius Bonar, 1808-1889]

*Indelible Grace did a beautiful, soothing version of this in 1998 [music by Kevin Twit], and it is this arrangement that caught my ear tonight as I drove home through light rain and a reflective mood. 'Til pilgrim days are done...maranatha, come Lord Jesus.

The Faithful Bride

2009-07-16T10:29:00.002-04:00

This week's challenge to myself: Do I love the things of God as much as I love the things of myself? Do I long after Christ as I am longing after my husband while we're apart?

I am (rightly, I think) consumed with thoughts of my husband, longing for his company and his arms around me. As I pine, I'm reminded of my status as a member of the bride of Christ. As a pilgrim in this world, I eagerly anticipate the day when my relationship with Christ will be consummated. With a tangible example now of what it's like to long for my husband, I pray that the Lord will give me this same passionate longing after Himself.

Just a thought.

Kaye Wedding Preview

2009-07-10T14:10:00.004-04:00

Who's the biggest shutterbug I know? Hint: She just emailed me a link to her Shutterfly album of Steele/Kay wedding photos. That's right, you are in for a special treat today; I've got a special sneak preview of the nuptials, before the proofs are even back from the photog. Enjoy!

Shutterfly Album

Thanks a million, Susan! You're the best! I'm so glad you never go anywhere without your camera :-).

Also, Kory's cousin Christen posted some of her pics on Facebook. What a beautiful wedding it was!

In the interest of full disclosure, I was crying like an idiot right before/during this last photo. Brittany, on the other hand, was cool as a cucumber. There's so much I could say about the wedding but I don't even know where to start! So....I won't. But my baby sister is now my very grown-up Mrs. Kaye sister. Woa!

Stay tuned for Bachelorette Luau pics as soon as I locate everything I need to upload from my camera.

Such a Dainty Drinker

2009-07-10T08:00:00.000-04:00

If you ever have a tea party, invite Niko. She's quite the politest and most delicate drinker-upper I've ever seen. Her method? Reaching down into the glass to scoop out a wee taste, and then cleaning her paw delicately of its sweet nectar. Quite prim and proper, especially for a cat.

Niko used to employ the old face-into-the-glass trick. But most likely the tall glasses get a bit tight around the ears, making it tough to get out quickly, and I have born witness to a few nasty bouts with carbonated beverages. Niko's bright: she needed a new way to drink people-drinks, preferably one that allowed her to test the waters (figuratively and literally) and make a quick getaway if need be. Her solution? Behold, the Dip 'n Sip:

Dip...

then Sip!

Takes awhile to drink a glass of milk this way, but it's form over function, I always say. (Do I?)

Surely this is worth blogging about, even if I didn't have loads of time on my hands and nobody to share it with.

A Shopping Excursion

2009-07-09T20:47:00.006-04:00

Hey kids, grab yer best bonnet and hitch up the horses, it's a shopping trip all the way up into town!

That's how it felt, anyway, to leave the digs and head out to our major shopping center to make a few exchanges. I've been holed up here for awhile (aside from a sojourn over the river and through the woods to help Aunt Beth paint Drew's new room, but more on that later) without really poking my head out into civilization. Different little errands have popped up, but I have been putting them off, mainly due to the whole three-days-without-a-bath thing. Nobody needs to see that, you know?

But today I had freshened up and decided that, darn it, I was going to take back the dining room seat cushions that didn't quite fit our chairs. And also to look for a few different kitchen textiles and such. There's something about trying to unpack and decorate that just doesn't WORK when you look around and feel like your brand-new decor items just aren't feng shui-ing for you.

So off I went! Little did I know that it was to be one of the most highly successful Ross (Dress for Less!) ventures of my life to date (considering I didn't even know about Ross until three years ago, that's saying something!). To understand what made today so special, you should know that I have been eying (yes that is the correct spelling) the many patterns of knock-off Talavera-style serve-ware that Ross carries. Unfortunately, most of the patterns that catch my eye tend to have something like a big rooster front and center. Ugh, right? I am not a rooster girl.

So imagine my delight when I found this gem:

Beautiful blues, greens, even some of that warm red to tie in with the living room, and NO ROOSTER!! I don't know why this is so difficult for the Chinese fake-Mexican artisans who paint this stuff, but my heart rejoices at the poultry-less fruit of their labors. I bought this pitcher as a main accent piece, and two bowls, two square plates, and four oversize mugs. Oh, and a spoon rest, considering mine has been in two pieces for a solid year.

I was so pleased with these purchases that I promptly also purchased a new kitchen rug and towels. Yes, after all the effort of buying a pretty rug on Craigslist before we moved. But like I said, when you are without feng-shui, something's gotta give - and in this case, that something was our seat cushions and kitchen rug.

Getting these new things home was enough motivation for me to motor through all of our remaining boxes - the crowning achievement of a momentous day. The last boxes were all of our decorations, photo frames, candles, etc. I learned that when you move from a modestly-decorated house into a smaller apartment, it will look as though a decoration store threw up all over the place. We are down a piano and bay window, so we are short on decorable surfaces. The result is a shrine to ourselves on top of our one bookshelf (seriously, we are going to start replacing wedding photos with pictures of other people ASAP...) and a fun hodge-podge of glassware and Willow Tree figurines on our china cabinet.

Good times. Do you even care? Doesn't matter...my life has been reduced to living alone, with the highlight of my week being a shopping trip into town. All the excitement needs an outlet, and that outlet, my friend, is the two minutes you just wasted reading my blog.

Fear not, Joel is visiting this weekend and you will enjoy a break from my aimless ramblings. Perhaps I will even remember to post a Psalm on Sunday...

Tuesday's Tidbits

2009-07-07T18:22:00.005-04:00

1. The Internets are surprisingly easy to set up when two conditions are met: (1) Internet Juice is flowing to your phone jack/modem, and (2) your LameSys router isn't trying to run expired firmware. We are now 2 for 2, having spent some QT with Matthew the Verizon Man and purchased a new Belkin router thanks to the astute insights of one Christopher King, IT genius. Houston, we have liftoff. [Matthew kindly promised not to tell the neighbors that I have been borrowing their sketchy, unreliable internet since I moved in.]

2. It is impossible to trim a cat's hind claws when you are the only human present. [note: applies to non-tranquilized cats only.]

3. Apartments do not spontaneously unpack and decorate themselves during a prolonged period of absence. Neither do cats have the ability nor motivation to tidy the place up. It is much the same as when I left, aside from mounds of litter tossed carelessly onto the closet floor. If humans were like cats, bathrooms would have drains in the middle of the floor.

4. If Mom Pearce had not provided me with 8-10 servings of baked ziti with meatballs, I would have pitched a tent outside of the Arby's down the street. The ziti is my lifeline. Thank you, Mom!

5. Keller Williams says, "I can go three days without a bath, but I'll never be whole without my better half." This is proving true.

Come home, Joel!

Blink of an Eye...

2009-07-06T21:34:00.003-04:00

Things that have changed in the past 2 weeks:

I live in Reading.
My sister is married.

Things that have not changed:

I am exhausted.

Look for meaningful posts later this week...

I Am That Cat Lady

2009-06-25T16:24:00.004-04:00

So "we" moved to Pennsylvania on Saturday, and by "we" I mean that lots of people helped move the things that Joel and I own to a little two-bedroom apartment in Sinking Spring, and then Joel promptly left me here to drown in a cruel ocean of boxes and loneliness.

Actually, he departed with great angst and sadness because he realizes it is his husbandly duty to continue working at his stable job until he lands something in the correct state (and county, Lord willing). It's amazing to me that despite a full year of a long-distance relationship, I still become an emotional wreck when he leaves me. You'll be relieved to know that with the help of my cats and generous portions of Party Cake ice cream, I have pulled myself back together.

All that to say, I'm here! And I have a LOT of time on my hands. The nice people at Giant have gotten to know me well, since my regular outings there to swap Redbox movies are the highlight of my days and constitute my entire social agenda. I already have a Bonus Card and am well on my way to racking up points and savings!

Many, many thanks to Becca and Liam for visiting the other day (I love that we're close enough to do that now!); your company was a beautiful respite from the sound of silence. Literally. You know what I'm talking about, Liam.

Not much else to say. I think I'll go organize my closet by color and sleeve length. Or perhaps sort the recycling...that's not really part of it, but it's still very important.

Psalm Sunday on Tuesday

2009-06-16T16:15:00.004-04:00

Oops. In all the excitement (read: frazzled stress) of packing our worldly belongings and getting ready for The Big Move (or BM, which is a fabulous abbreviation, don't you think?), I neglected to post a Psalm this past Sunday. Allow me to correct this oversight by posting a Psalm that has been near and dear to my heart for many years. This Psalm amazes me with its breadth, covering a range of aspects of God's intimate love and provision for His children. As we prepare for the BM, this Psalm is again precious to me as it speaks of God's hand over us, going behind and before, of His inescapable presence and knowledge of our innermost hopes and fears.

I also notice how the Psalmist doesn't stop at observing God's love for Him. In light of God's infinite love and intimate involvement in the very knitting together of his body and soul, the Psalmist goes on to proclaim his love for God's Word, presence, and justice. And the Psalm concludes with a plea for the Lord to prune away any "grievous way" that is in him. The Psalmist's desire for obedience flows from his knowledge of God's love and faithfulness; in response to God's love, the Psalmist's heart burns within him with zeal for the Lord and for His commandments.

May my heart echo the Psalmist's words when he cries out, "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!" May I be reminded that even in times of great stress and difficulty, when I am utterly self-focused in my busy-ness and exhaustion, my life is not about me. I find comfort in the Psalmist's example of always turning from his vexation toward the saving grace that is God's redeeming work. Nay - of His asking the Lord to turn him when he cannot turn himself. "Not what my hands have done..."

How small my troubles seem when I reflect on the intimacy of God's love for me, and that while His love accepts me just as I am, He loves me too much and is too good to leave me as I am. When I focus, instead of on my own joys and sorrows, on the infinity of who God is and what He has done, I am reminded that I am not in control (far from it!), nor am I to dwell on my own self-interests.

Rather I am called to dwell in the Lord's good presence and, as I am fully known by Him, to ask His help in revealing and repenting from my grievous ways. Oh, that I would find goodness and beauty as I bow before my God in worship, and that He would graciously prune away my sin so that I might reflect His glory ever more fully! Oh, that I would seek this because my heart is being enlarged by His grace, causing me to run in His ways! Oh, that I would bear the glorious name of my Father with the honor that is due Him!

Psalm 139

1 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me!
20 They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain!
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

Amen and amen.

Warning: Clip Art Ahead

2009-06-09T18:57:00.010-04:00

I don't really know of an eloquent way to present what has amounted to an unceremonious end to my academic career (ergo, pictures instead of words!). Oh, I'm not totally finished...there's still that final exam on Thursday, along with a brief presentation before the final, and my dissertation to write this summer, and my internship to do before I graduate.

But all that aside: Never again will I sit through another lecture for the purpose of gaining knowledge toward earning credit-hours for a degree. Ever. Classes are d-u-n, DUN! You know how that makes me feel?

[the actual caption for this photo was "cracked-out happy cat". yes, yes i am.]

But you know what else will never happen again? I'll never be in the same room with these amazing people all together ever again. (Unless you count the inevitable pre-graduation sweatfest in which we bathe in the wetness of our own stench beneath those hard-earned doctoral robes and hoods. But I'm not counting that.)

(not pictured: Joni Lynn and Aaron)

And that? Makes me feel more like this.

This group of people has been my family during a most formative time in my life. Nobody else understands our experience of graduate school, from clinical interviewing class to navigating the internship process. In more ways than I can count, I have become who I am now through four years of intense work, manic schedules, shared laughter, and myriad growing pains as we've built relationships and learned what it means to become a clinical psychologist. When I sit down and think about it...well....I don't want to sit down and think about it.

What I'm trying to say is, even this final transition (second-to-final if you count graduation next year) is fraught with a complex roller coaster of emotions. It is difficult be truly joyful, but neither can I be completely downcast. The Lord has brought us thus far, and now is the time to ACT: "acknowledge, consolidate, and transition" (thank you, Dr. Jackson, for that final pearl). While the goodbye is bitter, it is sweet to move forward in the Lord's perfect will and timing than to cling to a season that is past. Such is life. But my heart is heavy, even while it is light.

Goodbye. I love you all, truly and deeply (in the least possible creepy way). I am better for having known you, and I pray that in some tiny way you might say the same of me.

One thing's for sure though. In the words of that most sagacious swine...

Integration Capstone

2009-06-08T16:46:00.003-04:00

At Regent, we talk a lot about the integration of Christianity and psychology. That is, how do I approach my clinical work from a Christian worldview? To what extent do I bring my faith into the therapy room, and to what extent to I view myself as a "Christian psychologist" as opposed to a "psychologist who happens to be a Christian"?

One of the last courses of our academic career at Regent is an Integration Capstone class, in which we spend hours just sitting around and chewing on the thoughts and ideas of high-profile integrationists, as well as our own perspectives on integration. Our capstone assignment, if you will, is to develop a 5-10 minute presentation of our own approach to integration, a landmark experience or event that shaped our integration journey, or just some kind of personal interaction with the topic of integration. I thought I might share my own presentation with you here. What a long, strange trip it's been as a Christian doctoral student in clinical psychology, alternately experiencing antagonism both from psychologists and the church. It is my prayer that, by the grace of God, my career will be a journey of integration and a testament to how God is Lord over all things, even psychology.

My thoughts, if you are interested...

My integration journey has been sort of a gradual one; that is, there is no particular landmark event or experience I would point to as “the one” that shaped my integration philosophy.
But as I look back over the past four years, I can identify a few driving forces and overarching themes that have been the most influential, so those are what I’ll focus on now.

The obvious driving force behind my integration development has been the hand of God. But as far as the particular instruments that God has used in my life, the most influential by far has been my husband. I know how that probably sounds, but it’s really true. As Joel has pursued God throughout our marriage, he has been constantly pushing me also to learn more about what I believe and why I believe it. He loves the Word of God and is always challenging me to compare my attitudes, opinions, and actions against the standard of Scripture. In fact, when I haven’t been reading about psychology, I’ve been reading up on my theology. As a result, I can see an overall trajectory in my life over the past few years toward a greater understanding and love of Scripture, and greater application of Scripture to all aspects of my life.

I obviously have not mastered this, and so I want to be careful to say this with great humility. But I can definitely say that God has been gracious in opening my heart and mind to see Him and His truth more and more clearly.

A major piece of this growing in my faith has been a growing knowledge of and appreciation for the sovereignty of God. If you had asked me at the beginning of our program if God was in control of everything, I would have said, “of course!”. Obviously. That was a part of my basic understanding of Scripture and my faith.

But as I progressed through my training and especially as I started to see clients, this truth became ever more precious to me. I started out with that whole idealistic thing, where I thought I could take every single client to a place of wholeness and happiness. As I realized how foolish that was, I became incredibly troubled at the thought that I couldn’t “fix” people. That’s why I signed up for this gig, right? But I learned to find comfort in two things: First, I had a supervisor who challenged me to think more realistically about my expectations for therapy. Duh, right? So then I started to view my relationship with my clients as a particular chapter of their lives, a small piece of their overall progress.

And second, I clung to the sovereignty of God and His promises in Scripture. He is often gracious even to those who don’t love Him, sending rain on the just and on the unjust, but He also declares that He will have mercy on whom He will have mercy. He is a God of healing and peace, but not everyone is guaranteed healing and peace in this lifetime. And that’s ok. My job is to be faithful to His calling in my life, to be obedient to His Word and do my part with excellence. As a psychologist, that will obviously mean offering compassion and working toward healing for my clients; but when healing doesn’t come in the form of gigantic therapeutic gains, I can be ok with that and acknowledge that this person is ultimately in the palm of God’s hand, along with the rest of creation and His children. God is God, and I am not.

One other aspect of integration I’d like to mention goes back to my husband. As I’ve spent the last few years wrestling with what it means to be a Christian psychologist, and as Joel and I have grown together in our faith, he has challenged me to apply Scripture to my work as a clinician. There have been some particularly tricky client situations that have stretched the limits of my understanding and pushed me out of my comfort zone. When I’ve shared these situations with my husband (in a strictly de-identified context, of course), he has questioned how my therapeutic goals line up with my beliefs as a Christian. At times I’ve been able to answer him easily, but sometimes – I just didn’t know. I feel blessed to have such a person in my life, who is not a psychologist but has sharpened me as an integrationist and pushed me toward forging a unified identity out of these two areas of my life.

So where do I stand now, in my integration approach? I’m not totally sure, I haven't quite worked all the kinks out; but I do know that if God is truly Lord of all and Lord of my life, then my psychological work must be subject to Him as well. I find great harmony between the techniques we use, and the truths of Scripture, so implicit integration is often easy for me. I love the opportunities for explicit integration as well – using Scripture in therapy, discussing spiritual questions, etc. For me the challenge to integration comes with those tough clients, difficult cases, and situations that might try to blur the edges of my Christian convictions. But I remember that at the end of the day I answer not to the APA, not to an ethics board, but to the God of the universe. I obviously will do my best to adhere to all legal and ethical standards of the profession: it’s not that I hope to be a renegade Christian therapist bringing everybody to Jesus. But I do hope to be so familiar with the Word of God and so attuned to His spirit that I can exercise discernment and wisdom in fulfilling my ultimate responsibility to Christ even and especially as a psychologist.

Psalm Sundays

2009-06-06T10:45:00.004-04:00

I've had a thought for a new series to do on the blog. If you're very clever, you may be able to discern the topic from this post's title. I know that it is very enigmatic and cloaked in mystery; therefore, I will explain.

It's common knowledge that we often use excerpts from Psalms in worship. Many worship songs are taken from the praise portions of Psalms, including "Better is One Day", "Forever", "Not to Us", and many more. One of my personal favorites is "God, Be Merciful to me", which draws its lyrics from the content of Psalm 51, a beautiful hymn of penitence, restoration by God's grace, and resulting praise and testimony.

My hope is to blog on a different Psalm each week (usually on Sunday, but sometimes I am impatient so you might see them on Saturdays as well). This will not only test my self-discipline and time management skills, but will also hopefully give me an opportunity to explore the context and content of both well-known and less familiar Psalms as I go along. It's basically my own little study of the Psalms, and you get to eavesdrop. I can hardly imagine your excitement!

Because I am quite the theological and spiritual giant. A near-finished work, if you will.

Perhaps a bit of pruning yet in the humility department, but I digress...

The Psalms provide such a range of emotional expression that is often not seen in some worship settings today; at times, it seems that we may take repentance and confession for granted, skipping straight to gratitude and joy. (As an aside: this is why I love liturgies that include a time of confession and assurance of pardon; my soul depends on regular repentance, and leaps at words of forgiveness!) Well-meaning Christians often squelch opportunities for expressing and anguish and sorrow, choosing instead to focus on the "joy of the Lord" and the positive emotions that are supposed to come with our salvation.

But the Word of God is a weighty, awesome thing for us to behold. In it, we find emotional outpourings that verbalize the difficult realities of living in a sin-sick world and, indeed, often being sin-sick ourselves. We also learn of the myriad reasons why we rejoice and praise the Lord, particularly in the context of sin and trials - His faithfulness in the past, promises for the future, and new mercies each day. These things are best exemplified in Scripture's overarching covenant narrative, culminating in the redeeming work of Jesus Christ; the writers of the Psalms devote much ink to the past, present, and future saving works of God.

Let us follow the Psalmists' examples of honesty and authenticity, and use their words to express the full gamut of emotions. May we learn an appropriate progression from vexation to renewed trust and praise. May we treasure God's Word, cling to it, and repent when we depart from it; and may we know the true joy that flows from God's life-giving Word of both grace and law, which are one in Christ.

To begin, I turn to Psalm 119, the longest Psalm and longest chapter in the Bible. Its author is unknown, but he expresses heartfelt admiration to God, and gratitude for the great gift of His Word. Psalm 119 celebrates the Torah, or covenant instruction, as the perfect guide for life [notes taken from ESV Study Bible]. It is evident that the author's love for God's law is a direct result of his love for God Himself, and that this in turn is due to God's reviving and saving actions. He earnestly prays for the Lord to help him uphold the law, and acknowledges that only by God's grace can he do so. This relationship is perhaps best expressed in his enthusiastic declaration that "I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!" Notice how the author's ability to love and obey the law is attributed to God's opening of his eyes, giving of life, and graciously teaching the law to his heart. Thus we can proclaim with the Psalmist, soli Deo gloria!

Because it is so long, and I have already proven myself to be long-winded in this post, I will focus on a select portion of this excellent Psalm.

Psalm 119:9-32
How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.
With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!
I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
Blessed are you, O Lord; teach me your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth.
In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches.
I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways.
I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word.

Deal bountifully with your servant, that I may live and keep your word.
Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law.
I am a sojourner on the earth; hide not your commandments from me!
My soul is consumed with longing for your rules at all times.
You rebuke the insolent, accursed ones, who wander from your commandments.
Take away from me scorn and contempt, for I have kept your testimonies.
Even though princes sit plotting against me, your servant will meditate on your statutes.
Your testimonies are my delight; they are my counselors.

My soul clings to the dust; give me life according to your word!
When I told you of my ways, you answered me; teach me your statutes!
Make me understand the way of your precepts, and I will meditate on your wondrous works.
My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word!
Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law!
I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me.
I cling to your testimonies, O Lord; let me not be put to shame!
I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!

Oh, the depths of the riches and the wisdom of God that may be found in this Psalm! There is much to say and comment on, but there is nothing I could add to the meaning of this text. Lord, teach my heart to love your Word and your statutes as this Psalmist does! Enlarge my heart, and cause me to run in the way of your commandments!

Sisters, Sisters

2009-06-03T22:00:00.003-04:00

Matching with an internship position in Reading was an enormous answer to prayer. I still thank God every time I remember how undeserving I am of matching when many others did not. Did I doubt that I would match? That's a tricky question...I had faith that God could match me, but didn't want to cross the line of presumptuousness. Know what I mean?

But I will say that on Match Day, I cried and believed that God had done the biggest, most incredible thing possible.

And ever since then, He has been showing me just how easy and small my internship was for Him. His good gifts have been just falling all over each other in their hurry to bless me. I can't explain how or why, other than the grace of God is just that sweet, and He has chosen to blow my mind during this season of my life.

Are you ready for this?

1. Healing and reconciliation in relationships that I was 100% certain would never heal and reconcile in my lifetime. 100%. Certain. And suddenly hearts were softened and phone calls made, conversations had and the past forgiven. An internship ain't no thang next to the thawing of frozen hearts!

2. Amazing spiritual growth, and my parents finding a new church home at Hillcrest. Mom and Dad, I have been so blessed to see the Lord working in your lives this past year! His hand is incredibly evident in all aspects of who you are.

3. The opportunity to continue to build relationships with the Dorianis. They barely preceded us to Virginia Beach when my aunt took a position at Regent University, and they are now again moving to within 45 minutes of us in Pennsylvania! We really admire and respect this family; Joel and I have learned much about marriage and parenting by watching their example. It would have been sad to leave them in Virginia Beach, and now we don't have to!

4. And the icing on the cake: Brittany's fiance just took a position in none other than Reading, PA!!! I am almost overwhelmed just thinking about this fact. For the first time in eight years, we will live within 20 minutes of each other (possibly within walking distance, but their apartment hunting is yet ahead of them so I hesitate to presume...). My sister, my best friend, and now neighbor! This just blesses my heart more than I can put into words. To be a regular part of her life, and she of mine, is more goodness than one soul should be allowed in this life.

I'm ashamed to say that these tremendous blessings (and I'm sure that I am forgetting many!) are not things that I prayed specifically for. Well, perhaps I prayed for Brittany and Kory to somehow live near us, but I had written off that possibility, given her track record for exotic and distant choices. What little faith I have! God has been putting my prayers to shame, giving so much more than I dared to ask. I agonized over my internship, begging and pleading, and it's as though the Lord said "An internship? Ha! Watch what happens when I move my hand..."

I do not take these blessings for granted. My heart is heavy with gratitude and awe. Glory, praise, and honor to He who gives and takes away! He has chosen to give for this season. Because of His great generosity, my life is a song of joyful testimony. My prayer now is that even in times of want, when the Lord answers my prayers with a gentle "no", that even then my heart will be no less full of thankfulness, joy, and contentment.

So even as the semester is whirling to an end, as dissertation data must be tallied and entered by hand, as a seemingly endless stack of boxes must be packed, my heart is just DANCING in anticipation of what the Lord has done, and what He will do next. We are praying for a job for Joel. In light of God's promises in Scripture, and knowing the great faithfulness and generosity He has shown us already, how can we doubt that the next step is already established as upon a solid rock, waiting to appear as the Lord illuminates our lives by His grace.

Soli Deo gloria!

See you in Reading, sister :-).

It's Really Happening...

2009-05-17T19:59:00.005-04:00

I've spent the week packing (and simultaneously NOT doing the assigned readings for my 1.333 summer classes - so good at multitasking!)...Our belongings are disappearing from sight, yet our house is fuller than ever with boxes, bins, packing paper, cats chewing on the above...partially digesting some of it...

I also remembered that, oh yeah, I should be doing data entry for my dissertation. So I'll ramp that up this week, spend some quality time in my chair's office going through files and manually entering couple scores into SPSS. On my projected timeline, data entry was supposed to be completed by May 29. Suffice it to say, I shall need to light a fire under "it".

We continue to pray for employment for Joel in Reading. If you're reading this, we covet your prayers as well. The Lord has always provided for us, and we are eager to see what He has in store for the next leg of the adventure. Hopefully His perfect plan involves steady income - but if not, we're still grateful for His blessings. But I don't think it will come to that; I've been blessed with a husband who is willing to do any job to make ends meet, from Burger King to Barnes and Noble (he'd much prefer the latter, and spend his breaks turning all the Rob Bell books backward on the shelves).

How about you? Is your May hectic? If you've recently left Virginia Beach (Tylers, Monnettes, etc.), know that you're still very dear to our hearts and are constantly in our prayers. Love!

It Wouldn't Be a Christian Goodbye Without Michael W. Smith

2009-05-11T23:28:00.005-04:00

My heart is aching over all the goodbyes we've said recently, with more still to go. Last Thursday we enjoyed our last evening with John, Christine, and Brody boy, and tonight we said goodbye to Jess, Natali, and baby Eve. We're mindful as we spend time with other friends that our opportunities for fellowship with them are numbered. It's like watching significant chunks of our life just fade to black, piece by piece...soon we will be on our own in a truck headed for PA. We're eager to see what the Lord has in store for us there, but it is so difficult to leave this chapter of our lives behind. More difficult than I expected.

It's like I have a fever. And the only prescription is Michael W. Smith.

Because Friends Are Friends Forever, when the Lord's the Lord of them. Come on, it just wouldn't be a Christian farewell without Smitty on the soundtrack. Feast your eyes and ears, and may your heart be comforted as we're all packing up the dreams God planted, in the fertile soil of you...

The tears are flowing (along with the early 90's cheese), just like church camp...in all seriousness, this is a painful season for the Va Beach Pearces. We're so grateful for the time God has given us here with our friends and church family, and are thankful that Smitty's words are true - we never really say goodbye when we're united in Christ. A lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

Living on the Edge

2009-05-02T11:53:00.007-04:00

Joel and I celebrated the end of the semester last night with a long-awaited Date Night. Our big plans? Boston Market, a few beers, and cleaning out the office.

Don't be fooled, this was an all-you-can-organize, ruthlessly-downsizing, one-time event!

When Joel suggested that we spend our date night organizing the office, my first reaction was of the expected knee-jerk "did you get into the catnip?" variety. But after thinking about it for a second, I realized there was nothing I would rather do than to FINALLY go through our files, organize and consolidate, and have the office look like a room again (as opposed to a massive walk-in pseudo-filing system). Four hours with my hubby, enjoying a quarter dark and mashed potatoes, and the satisfaction of knowing our date night has long-term benefits for our lives? A huge grin spread across my face, and at that moment I knew that my dominant personality trait is NERD. (Was there ever any doubt?)

In other news, we've stocked up on boxes for our big move. Someone tipped me off that the VABC stores have good-sized boxes for packing heavies/breakables, so I stopped by to get a few. It wasn't until I stacked them in the dining room that I realized we would have the appearance of moving up the coast with our large stock of specialty liquors:

Captain Morgan Private Stock? DonQ Cristal? Evan Williams Bourbon Whiskey? Check, check, and check. Niko was totally pumped until she realized the boxes were all empty...

Poor girl. And Joel didn't leave her much catnip, either.

*Editor's note: A quick proofread alerted me to the fact that this post makes us sound/appear to be total alcoholics. Really we're not. In all the file-sorting excitement of last night, I totally forgot about my one "girlie beer"(read: candy-flavored malt beverage) and left it to gently warm under the torchiere lamp (yum). And Niko is the one who's all about the Jim Beam. You can take the cat out of the barn, but you can't take the barn out of the cat.

This and That

2009-04-23T08:00:00.001-04:00

I just don't have the time to formulate an entire blog post on each of these great articles, so I'll simply point you in the direction of the originals:

A great article by Tim Challies over on the Ligonier blog:
Escaping Anonymity. Challies comments on our unparalleled level of anonymity and, as a result, lack of accountability in today's generation. As he points out, anonymity might be comfortable but it is far from what God intends for His children.

Two related posts at Pyromaniacs concerning church attendance:
Why You Need to Be In a Church This Sunday - slightly abrasive, this article packs a punch but lays out a crucial Biblical theology of church attendance. "Is Jesus your Lord in reality, or in theory alone?"

Thinking Like a Slave - I found this one to be a less frictional read, but nonetheless points out the overarching fallacy in all our "God commands me to go to church, but...." arguments: "Every one of them views the Christian life as a process of negotiation." Read the entire article!

On the gendered attributes of God:
Our Father, Who Art in Heaven, a post by Aron on his blog, Some Posts, gives a lengthy excerpt from C.S. Lewis's essay notes concerning the masculinity of God. Especially pertinent, as Aron notes, in light of recent controversy (i.e. female depiction of God in The Shack?). God is neither male nor female, but reveals himself consistently as having masculine names and attributes. A tasty morsel to whet your appetite:
"…The male you could have escaped, for it exists only on the biological level. But the masculine none of us can escape. What is above and beyond all things is so masculine that we are all feminine in relation to it. "

Re-imagining God in the Shack - critique by Mary Kassian of the church's tendency to reinvent God in feminine ways. Particularly provocative: her mention of the Christa, a female image of Jesus complete with "undraped breasts and rounded hips." One such statue was unveiled in 1984 at the Episcopal Cathedral of St. John the Divine in Manhattan. What?!

Enjoy and, as always, please leave a comment if you found any of these particularly helpful, provocative, or just plain irritating. I like to know that somebody is out there reading these things :-).

Spiritual Porn?

2009-04-22T09:09:00.005-04:00

Dan Philips over at Pyromaniacs makes a startling comparison: Porn and Paper Pastors.

I felt convicted as I read the article because I fear have been guilty of comparing my pastors with those whose words have been carefully researched, revised, and reprinted on page after flawless page. I have forced my pastors' words through a fine sieve of precisely articulated theology straight from the pen of [Sproul, Piper, Calvin...]. And when my pastors' live, in-person teaching doesn't measure up line for line with the immortal words of R.C. or some dead Puritan, I find myself shaking my head in disappointment.

How fair is that? Not so much at all.

And Dan Philips likens our love of "paper pastors" to the fool's love of pornography. We lust after the unreal, give our hearts to those whose words and images are edited and airbrushed to perfection, rather than loving those who have good and bad days and labor beside us in the ugly reality of our very own sin.

And by "we", I mean "I".

I appreciate this re-calibration of my perspective on famous pastors and theologians. Not to dismiss their often brilliant work, but to put them in their proper place: While their work is certainly helpful and can be foundational to building a sound theology, it ought not to replace a discipling, mentoring relationship with a flesh-and-blood minister of the Word. Never before have I paused in utter gratitude for the great gift that is God's appointed shepherd.

Enough of muddying up the issue with my own dim thoughts. Read the article for yourself - what do you think? Is John Piper really the porn of the Christian world? (Or, at least does he have the potential to be?) C'mon guys, leave your comments...I know you can do it!

Babies Everywhere!

2009-04-21T18:55:00.006-04:00

Brand-new Liam, the impending Petite Monnette, sweet Jacob, adorable Cullen, and the manchild Brody. My life is peppered with all these adorable little ones, with the effect that my baby dreams have started back up in full gear. This morning I had the clearly articulated thought, "If I don't have a baby soon, I will die."

Clearly, I am a 100% rational being.

That, following a dream last night in which a five-month-old Liam was already reciting catechism answers. Is it any wonder that my maternal instincts are in overdrive?

Add to all this the fact that we will have sweet, sweet health benefits at TRHMC for the next year - we could potentially have a $500 baby! - plus four weeks paid vacation (not counting possible maternity leave), and I am completely convinced that we would be utterly foolish to not have a child in the next year.

Any other "yes" votes? Grandparents? Anyone?

But the timing is still TBD. I'll defend my dissertation this fall sometime (Oct/Novish) and "graduate" next May (sans diploma, since I'll have to accrue my remaining internship credits before Pat will confer my degree). Joel will be working and hopefully attending an online MLS program starting in January.

Since a blog is, like, the totally best and easiest way to cull wisdom from a solid five people, how do you think we should time this? What should we be thinking about, other than blatantly cranking out a kid on somebody else's dime (which, really, isn't that enough?)?

More importantly, who will volunteer to be a free live-in nanny next summer?

I will totally slip you a twenty if you tell my husband that we should start trying next month. (love you, honey!) We are going to meet Liam this weekend, so he might be an easy sell next Tuesday....

Whew, I feel much better, now that I've spewed my baby feelings all over the internets. Emotional modesty what?

Welcome, William Isaiah Pearce!

2009-04-11T14:00:00.000-04:00

The good news: Our brother and sister-in-law welcomed their firstborn son into the world on Saturday, April 11 - little William Isaiah. What a precious gift from the Lord! We're thankful that he and mama are now safely home and recovering from the thrilling experience of delivery. If only she could have held off for another twelve or so hours, we might have shared a birthday.

The bad news: Half of my regular readership is now out on maternity leave. Becca, I hope you're back on the internet soon, if only to kill time while Liam is nursing at 3:00 a.m.

We can't wait to meet the little guy!

He's a Pearce through and through, right down to the generous hairline...

Houston, We Have Liftoff

2009-04-08T14:52:00.002-04:00

I would like to pretend that I figured how to do this correctly right off the bat, because I am so brilliant and techno-savvy. However, healthy relationships are built on mutual honesty and humility, and since I want us to have a close, positive internet connection (see what I did there? internet connection?), I'll tell you the truth.

Three weeks and two tech-guy consultants later, I have finally gotten the website to work by pure trial and error. Apparently tech guys know how to built and publish a web site for real, but know very little about self-publishing a site built from an easy-cheesy template. So, finally and accidentally, I present to you my very own domain:

www.themarriageresource.com

Did your world shake just a little, itty bit just now? I know mine did.

Still a work in progress, but there's a bit more content than when I last linked you. I welcome feedback!

Too Much Skin...Or Heart?

2009-04-07T09:23:00.004-04:00

I greatly appreciated this article on modesty that appeared recently on the Next webzine. I'm unfamiliar with Next as a whole, but they seem to be affiliated with Joshua Harris and Sovereign Grace Ministries. The vision of Next is to "gather worshipers of Christ who burn with a passion to see the gospel transferred to the next generation."

So the article on modesty.

Lydia Brownback touches on the obvious need for physical modesty as the summer season approaches. But she lingers there only briefly, highlighting the latter end of the modesty passage in 1 Peter:

3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. [1 Peter 3:3-4]

Brownback's emphasis on a gentle and quiet spirit illuminates an entirely different angle on modesty. She links "a gentle and quiet spirit" with discretion in revealing ourselves to others on an emotional level. The article is geared toward single women, and Brownback cautions singles against forming close friendships with single men without any sort of commitment. Pouring out our inner struggles and feelings to another person inevitably forms a bond, but if that bond is formed in the wrong context - either in the absence of commitment, or when the person is committed to someone else - pain will ensue.

Too few Christians grasp this idea of emotional modesty. I know I haven't always prioritized it as I should. We think it is ideal to be honest and authentic with one another. And this is true in the right context, among mature, trusted believers of the same gender. Yet we ought to exercise discretion not only for the protection of our own hearts, but for the protection of others' hearts as well. Opportunities abound for us to develop friendships with members of the opposite sex, particularly in the church and for those in graduate school where we often collaborate on projects and presentations. Brownback points out that most married men spend more waking hours with their coworkers than with their own wives. This should caution us to be very careful of our interactions and of the bonds we form with other people's spouses.

As a married woman, I have the greatest respect for the men in my life who exercise great discretion and display high regard for my marriage, as well as for their own. There is a noticeable difference between those men who treat me as a married woman, and those men who treat me as just another friend. My natural inclination is to feel comfortable in friendships with males, but the Lord has been gracious to show me through Scripture that my heart (inclusive of my thoughts, feelings, reflections, and struggles) is reserved for Him and my husband.

Men and women, married and single, should take heed of Brownback's exhortation to modesty. For us women, let our adornment come from a gentle and quiet spirit, exercising discretion in what we reveal of ourselves both physically and emotionally. Let us encourage our sisters to likewise protect their bodies and hearts with modesty. To you men, please respect the women in your life, and draw boundaries where there ought to be modesty and discretion. As men, you carry the burden of headship and must be careful to protect your own wife and marriage; but do not forget to exercise due diligence for the hearts of other men's wives. Encourage your wife to be modest in attire and expression, and hold her accountable. Encourage your male friends to be aware of modesty as well, and to be careful of their interactions with women. This is not to foster division between the sexes, but rather to nurture appropriate relationships between them.

If you haven't already, read the whole article. You might find yourself nodding in agreement. Or, you just might find yourself nudged out of your comfort zone, convicted in some area of immodesty and in need of some tighter boundaries. I hope, either way, that you are motivated to reflect deeply on the idea of emotional modesty, and what it means to be adorned with a gentle and quiet spirit.

Meine Ohrwurm

2009-03-28T13:25:00.007-04:00

"Earworm" is the English translation of the German "ohrwurm", a term used to describe the phenomenon of having a song stuck in your head. "Meine Ohrwurm", then, is "My Earworm". Perhaps not the most appealing of monikers, but descriptive nonetheless.

Why the linguistics primer?

I've had a song stuck in my head for the past, oh, 72 hours (at least) and, in addition to wanting to share the lyrics with you, I thought I'd let you know that yes, there is a word for that.

The song? It's an oldie but goodie from the late 1700's, redone by Indelible Grace in 2001. The words, well, speak for themselves. Read through them a couple of times and see if you don't find yourself utterly smitten by the awesome height, depth, and breadth of God's great mercy upon His chosen ones. The verse in italics is the one that pierces my heart each and every time I've listened to it (so, approximately 128 times in the past few days).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thy Mercy, My God

Thy mercy, my God, is the theme of my song,
The joy of my heart and the boast of my tongue;
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affections and bound my soul fast.

Without Thy sweet mercy I could not live here;
Sin would reduce me to utter despair!
But, through Thy free goodness, my spirits revive,
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart!
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground,
And weep to the praise of the mercy I've found!

Great Father of mercy, Thy goodness I own,
And the covenant love of Thy crucified Son;
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine!

["Thy Mercy, My God"; Words: John Stocker ca. 1776]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever felt so deeply convicted of your sin, and yet so completely unable to flee from its grasp? Have you ever prayed for the Lord to pull you from the mud and mire, and to set your feet upon a firm place? Have you ever experienced the wonder of feeling your heart soften toward the Lord, when without His presence you know you would have remained hard and defiant?

I am the chief of sinners, and my strong will has been broken so many times by His gentle breath upon me. Only the Holy Spirit could change my heart, so deeply depraved is it, and determined to rebel.

My friends, I pray this for you: That your heart would wonder to feel its hardness depart, that you would dissolve before God's great goodness and weep in sweet praise of His mercy!

Hallelujah, and amen.

One More Thing

2009-03-26T08:00:00.001-04:00

I feel like Colombo here. Except that he carefully calculates his moves so that as he turns to leave, he has some amazing whopper of a question designed to lay bare someone's true guilt. With me, it's more of "so I thought of this after I had already published my last post."

Here it is:
The Shack is not allegorical. Allegory is defined thus: Allegory is a form of extended metaphor, in which objects, persons, and actions in a narrative, are equated with the meanings that lie outside the narrative itself. The underlying meaning has moral, social, religious, or political significance, and characters are often personifications of abstract ideas as charity, greed, or envy.
Thus an allegory is a story with two meanings, a literal meaning and a symbolic meaning.

Does The Shack have two meanings? Let's not give yet more undue credit to its author for thinking about his content on multiple levels. He writes in a straightforward manner, portraying God in human form. Papa (God the Father, according to Young) makes comments about himself/herself/itself (?); words from the mouth of God carry a certain amount of weight, no? How many allegories have you read that involve dialogue issuing straight from God? That's not symbolic, folks, that's just fiction.

The only thing I can see in The Shack as being somewhat allegorical was the personification of wisdom. No comment on the quality or accuracy of her discourse. What do you think? If you've read The Shack, how would you defend the claim of many Christians that it is an allegory? Or, like me, do you place The Shack at the opposite end of the allegorical spectrum from classic works like The Pilgrim's Progress?

[*ht: http://www.tnellen.com/cybereng/lit_terms/allegory.html for allegory definition. It was consistent with the other definitions I found in my search, and seemed more thorough than others. My apologies for not citing it at first.]

The Sha-ZZzzzz

2009-03-25T08:35:00.006-04:00

I have to be honest: I'm losing interest in The Shack. I am tired of beating up on this book, regardless of how much it deserves the beating. I knew going into this that I wasn't going to necessarily win friends and influence people by undertaking an ongoing critique, and that my little posts weren't going to make a bit of difference in the overall popularity and acclaim of the book.

To sum it up, there's lots I have to say, but I'm not sure that it matters. At all.

I'm not as discouraged as this might sound. It's more of a matter-of-fact acknowledgment.

It just saddens me that when I talk with people about The Shack, they tend to either brush it off as a mediocre book (perhaps not even bothering to finish it, because they found it to be so ludicrous in the first few chapters) or cling to it as a marvelous illumination of the life and character of the Triune God. Few people seem to care about how damaging such a book could be to the average reader, Christian or non. So that's where I think I'll spend my time today.

Ok, so perhaps the discerning reader can make it through The Shack without seriously buying into the theological fluff that it propagates. This is probably the camp that tosses the book aside, unconcerned about its implications. But what about the quasi-discerning reader who can tell that there are some problems with the book, but nonetheless believes that the story of transformation is so powerful that all their negative-God-image friends should read it? That is, the book can be so helpful to people who have a negative view of God, so I think I'll recommend it to everyone I know, even though I'm aware of some shady issues going on in the background.

Is this appalling to anyone else?

It's a sign to me that we take the character of God too lightly. When professing Christians can love a book that reads like a fun-room-mirror reflection of the God of the universe, we ought to be given great pause. And buy up as many copies of R.C.'s "The Holiness of God" to distribute right alongside our brothers and sisters who are giving out The Shack by the case.

I'll grant you that discerning believers who actually know truth about God and are familiar with Scripture will not be shaken nor moved by this book. It's not likely to throw up red flags for people who view the novel as rather silly or half-baked. But I encourage you to take up the cause and talk to your friends about The Shack, to find out where they stand. The book has been so popular, and I've seen it in the hands of so many people from my own congregation (anecdotally, I know of at least one church that is conducting small groups on the book, and probably not from a critical point of view), that I think we ought to go on the offensive in affirming truth about God.

We have the potential to make the book's popularity into a huge opportunity for evangelism and discipleship. Exhort your friends to compare the book against Scripture, to dig in for themselves and see whether Young's portrayal of the Trinity and Papa's comments about hierarchy and suffering measure up to the richness of the wisdom of God. I submit that they will not.

Thank God that there is nothing new under the sun - no new heresy or distortion of God that man can fabricate. It has all been said before, and it is of great encouragement to me that heresy has not only come, but it has come to pass. Only the Word of God will remain. Much like the steady onward march of Calvinism, we know that the Truth is everlasting.

"But when we see Thee as thou art, we'll praise Thee as we ought." [John Newton, How Sweet the Name of Jesus Sounds]

The Brand New Marriage Resource!

2009-03-19T11:48:00.002-04:00

Like I said to my sister-in-law this morning, it's amazing what any idiot with an internet connection can do!

I'd like to present a new website for your viewing and marriage-enhancing pleasure:
www.themarriageresource.synthasite.com

I hope to have it up and running with its own domain within the next few days at www.themarriageresource.com - but I'll keep you posted on that!

What are my goals for the site? I hope to build a collection of tools and resources both for people in marriages, and for people who like to help marriages. Spouses and clinicians can peruse helpful marriage tools and current research. Knowledge is power, and I hope to equip my little corner of the interweb with lots of marriage muscle!

Watch for content, and tell your friends. I hope to gain a respectable following and perhaps one day contribute to my own client base (when I'm licensed and settled in a practice, of course).

Oh, and there's an option on the website to email me with questions and feedback. If you have thoughts about what would be helpful to include, or issues to address, I welcome your suggestions!

The Shack, Part the Third

2009-03-10T19:46:00.008-04:00

This is the third in my series of blog critiques of William P. Young's The Shack. I previously discussed general arguments about theological fiction and Young's portrayal of God the Father in human form. We now arrive at a discussion of God's character, as described in the Bible and in the novel. Again, to be fair, Young's purpose is to convey what he knows of God, in reaction against an overly harsh or punitive view of Yahweh. But he emphasizes God's love at the expense of His holiness.

Problems with Papa (II)
2. The character of God
I'd like to present you with a juxtaposition of quotes from The Shack and from the Bible. You decide for yourself how Young's portrayal of God the Father holds up to comparison with the holy Scripture. I realize the weaknesses of this method, pulling quotes out of context and all that. But I've tried to select passages that are as unambiguous as possible, and in keeping with what I know of the author's intent behind the book. No tricks here. The general theme upon which I'd like to focus is God's holiness and attitude toward sin. There are many others I could mention, but these are perhaps the aspects of God's character which are most overlooked and have the most implication for the rest of the book's (and the reader's) theology.

Is God tolerant of sin, or does His holy nature require justice for disobedience?

Shack: "'Honestly, don't you enjoy punishing those who disappoint you?' At that, Papa stopped her preparations and turned toward Mack. He could see a deep sadness in her eyes. 'I am not who you think I am, Mackenzie. I don't need to punish people for sin. Sin is its own punishment, devouring you from the inside. It's not my purpose to punish it; it's my joy to cure it.'" (p.120)

Shack: "For now I just want you to be with me and discover that our relationship is not about performance or you having to please me. I'm not a bully, not some self-centered demanding little deity insisting on my own way. I am good, and I desire only what is best for you. You cannot find that through guilt or condemnation or coercion, only through a relationship of love. And I do love you." (Papa, p. 126)

Scripture: "He will render to each one according to his works: to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury. There will be tribulation and distress for every human being who does evil....for all who have sinned without the law will also perish without the law, and all who have sinned under the law will be judged by the law." [Romans 2:6-12]

Scripture: "For you are not a God who delights in wickedness; evil may not dwell with you. The boastful shall not stand before your eyes; you hate all evildoers. You destroy those who speak lies; the Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man." [Psalm 5:4-6]

Do you pick up on a slightly different flavor of God's view toward sin in these passages? Young's Papa is grieved by sin, but doesn't abhor it. Papa rejoices in "curing" sin (though exactly what this means we're not told), but her purpose isn't to punish it. But in Scripture we see a God before whom no evil can dwell, who hates all evildoers. It sounds to me as though God's purpose is indeed to punish sin; in fact, He is holy, holy, holy. This is the only attribute of God which is elevated to the third degree in Scripture - He is never described as love, love, love, or as mercy, mercy, mercy. But He is holy, holy, holy (Isaiah 6:3, Rev. 4:8). As such, all of His actions and other attributes are defined by holiness - His love is holy love, His justice is holy justice, etc. His holiness and righteousness must be satisfied because they are absolutely integral to His existence.

God is good, but this is not defined by His wanting what is best for us. God is good because He is good, and His commands flow from His goodness for our benefit and for His glory. Young presents a very man-centric view of God and spirituality, and this is revealed in his low view of sin and almost nonexistent view of God's holiness. It is all about relationship, joining the divine circle of being and allowing God to be present with us. Young presents no discernible gospel message, at least not one that orthodox Christianity would endorse. But that's for another post.

In reading back over this post, I realize how very limited I am in my ability to develop this critique. A more worthy scholar would have provided more appropriate quotes, better examples and would have put my argument to shame. But I hope you can see at least that Young's portrayal of God the Father is at best a pale shadow of one side of our true God's countenance. There is nothing wrong with emphasizing God's love and desire for reconciliation with fallen man; however, one cannot present God accurately without simultaneously highlighting His hatred of sin and the impossibility of reconciling while our sin separates us from Him.

Up next: Problems with the Spirit: Certainty vs. Uncertainty

Quotables

2009-03-08T07:00:00.002-04:00

The following is an excerpt from the Ligonier Ministries blog post titled "Are You Intrigued by God's Holiness, or Are You Terrified?". Please go there immediately and read the entire post, even if it means you don't finish reading mine. I'm thankful for this reminder of the absolute centrality of knowing who God is, and of the danger of theology turning into mere religion. The Reformers and other church fathers are sometimes scorned as stern, or having a harsh view of God, but as R.C. Sproul reminds us here they simply have a right view of the holiness of God.

"I had a consultant come to our ministry many, many years ago and say, 'What's the most important thing you can teach non-Christians that they don't know?' And I said, 'That's easy. They don't know who God is. They know that God is, but they don't know who He is. His nature and character have been completely obscured and eclipsed in our day.' Next he said, 'Ok. Let's get back to the church. What's the most important thing Christians don't know that they need to know?' And I said, 'That's easy too. They don't know who God is.' // In my own background studies, there was a big difference between Augustine and Aquinas, Aquinas and Luther, Luther and Calvin, and Calvin and Edwards. But like C.S. Lewis, there's a certain sameness there. When you read those guys, every one of them has been wiped out by their sense of the transcendent majesty and holiness of God. I think as soon as we lose that, theology becomes religion. I think the single most important thing we need to have is an awakening to the character of God." - R.C. Sproul

"Wiped out by their sense of the transcendent majesty and holiness of God."

That's exactly where I want to be.

The Shack, Part the Second

2009-03-04T16:35:00.001-05:00

Given my promise to review the Shack and share my thoughts and critiques with you, I feel it is time for the second installment of my thoughtfully spaced-out Shack posts. It's only been two months since the first, but I just can't wait any longer. [Is joke! In actuality, I've been holding off on this post out of respect for some friends, with whom I intended to discuss the book. However, that discussion has not materialized, and I think enough time has passed to allow me to publish my thoughts here.]

The organization of my review has been a bit challenging for me. I'm not sure how much detail to include for my arguments, and whether to attempt it all here or whether to present one point at a time for your reading and commenting pleasure. Since I tend to be a tad verbose, let's try Plan B and see how it goes. Shall we?

As I read through The Shack, book in one hand, Bible in the other, and brand new gel pen poised at the ready, I came to understand why the novel is a source of such incredible controversy. Young presents a wonderfully moving story that captures the reader's emotions and tugs his heartstrings almost nonstop. The main character, Mack, stumbles upon a unique opportunity to spend a weekend with the Trinity in a rundown Shack and experience both transformation in his view of God and healing from the Great Sadness. While the book is not exactly classic literatary material in its composition, the story is nonetheless compelling, and one is tempted to turn the final page with the conclusion that one has come to a deeper, more intimate understanding of the Trinity and of God's role in the context of pain and suffering.

But does one, really?

As I mentioned in my first The Shack post, the discerning Christian must consider the implications of the book's teachings on God, salvation, and Christianity in general. That the book is "just fiction" is no excuse to turn a blind eye to the theological propositions that pervade the narrative material. I hope in my review to fairly acknowledge Young's purposes behind the way he treats the Trinity, Scripture, sin, and other essential Christian doctrines. He is often reacting against negative stereotypes, but he does so by swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction. I'll cover this more when I talk about his treatment of God's character and other issues, but for now let's begin more broadly with the mere existence of Papa.

Problems With Papa (I)
1. God the Father as a human woman
So here we have God the Father portrayed in human flesh. The author claims to have presented God the Father thus as a reaction against our religious stereotypes of God as a white grandfatherly type who sits in the heavens and judges. That's an understandable stereotype against which to rebel, but the answer is not to fight idolatry with idolatry.

Scripture says that God is Spirit (John 4:24). This has several implications regarding His nature - God the Father is alive, animate, and personal. But He is also invisible (Colossians 1:15, 1 Timothy 1:16-17). No man has seen God at any time (John 1:18). We are commanded not to exchange the Creator for a creature (Romans 1:9), and the Ten Commandments include a prohibition of worshiping any created likeness of anything under heaven (Exodus 20:4). A woman qualifies as a creature under heaven, does she not?

You might argue for artistic license, but in light of repeated descriptions of God as invisible Spirit and warnings against compromising His true nature, it may be a bit presumptuous for an author to represent God the Father in human form - particularly one that is so far from portraying the complexities of God's character. Writing a book about God, whether a novel or theological treatise, is no small thing and ought to be approached with great fear and trembling, and a sober examination of one's accuracy. Including God the Father as a human character in a novel is indeed thin ice upon which to skate.

While the representation of God the Father as a human being is one form of idolatry, there is another present here which is just as grievous. Could not the Creator be exchanged for the creature of one's own perceptions and stereotypes? We must be careful, whether in our minds or in our literature, not to reduce God the Father to any particular set of attributes that is anything less than the full complexity of His character. Young emphasizes Papa's love, acceptance, joy, and relational nature but does so at the expense of the holiness and righteousness that is more frequently emphasized in Scripture than even God's love. God is holy, holy, holy (Rev. 4:8), and to portray Him as anything but intolerant of sin is patently false!

Both the "grandfatherly old man" and "bubbly black woman" images of God the Father are charicatures, inaccurate representations (as any portrayal of God must be). This is idolatry, and we must turn only to Scripture for our understanding of God's true character.

Because we are dealing with a novel, this is where I have sometimes heard the Aslan/Narnia argument. But folks, Aslan is a fictional lion who rules over the fictional land of Narnia. At no time does C.S. Lewis claim that Aslan is God (in fact, were he a person of the Trinity he would be Christ). We understand many of Aslan's actions and his role in Narnia to be those of a Christ figure, but he does not introduce himself as Jesus or, more importantly, as God the Father. Young's "Papa" character is explicitly stated to be the real God the Father and as such, interacts with a human being to answer his most difficult questions. Important distinction!

The attributes of Young's Papa have many implications for the rest of the book's theology, including its treatment (or conspicuous lack thereof) of sin and repentance. Stay tuned!

Up next: Problems With Papa (II): The Character of God

It's the Magnificent Multi-Phasic Take-Your-Time Machine!

2009-03-04T10:39:00.005-05:00

That's right, folks, we're going back in time today - two decades back, to that glorious era when Psalty the Singing Songbook catapulted Christian music from its "corny beginnings" to a "whole new level of sophistication"!

Did you grow up singing along with Psalty, feeling sorry for poor Risky Rat, and wishing you could try Charity Churchmouse's Cherry Chive Chocolate Cheese Chutney?

Well kids, get on board the gospel train!

Psalty: Behind the Music
[created by Saddleback, featuring Rick Warren who claims that Psalty taught him the five purposes of life; the "corny" music lady is Psalty's wife, who later played Charity Churchmouse!]

Bonus: Purchase your favorite Psalty gear, DVDs, and CDs (and old cassette tapes, if you still own a device that can play them) at Psalty.com! You can even email Psalty!

Does this make anyone else as completely and utterly happy as it makes me? Despite the inevitable blank stares and barely-suppressed snickers when I mention Psalty to my Christian friends (a grown man dressed as a singing what?), he was not a figment of my imagination! There are others who lived the dream - and indeed, are carrying the torch in a blindingly kaleidoscopic way over at the Psalty Store.

We will be providing our children with all the Psalty material they can cognitively and emotionally digest. Perhaps I should place my order now - you know, just in case. Not at all because I miss singing along to the Salvation Celebration.

Side note: does anyone know what makes the breakout game particularly "Psalty's"? Are we escaping the walls of sin and death? At least the Word Find includes Psalty Vocab like "Psaltina" and "blooper".

[ht: http://stuffchristianslike.blogspot.com, where Psalty himself left an "epistle-length" comment in response to the original post about him. The comment is a copy and paste from Psalty's blog!]

Please let me know if the video takes too long to load. I can link to it externally instead of having it embedded here.

Big Rocks, Little Rocks?

2009-03-03T19:46:00.005-05:00

Perhaps you're familiar with the illustration:

Your life is like a mason jar, and you fill it with rocks each day. Some rocks are large, some are medium-sized, and then there are the pebbles and sand that fill in the gaps. If you fill the jar with the smaller things first, then before you know it your large rocks will be crowded out and your priorities will be all out of whack. But if you carefully choose which large rocks to make space for first, and add smaller rocks and pebbles afterward, your days will have space for everything you hope to accomplish and your life will reflect the satisfaction of thoughtfully-ordered priorities.

In a perfect world, that is.

So I've decided that I'd like to be more intentional about my life. There are a few things I try to do each day, like spend time with the Lord and with my husband. But I am far too lax when it comes to where my hours go on a regular basis. Even with the best of intentions, I find my days and weeks slipping away and wonder why I haven't done anything on this vague mental to-do list of life goals?

Incidentally, I blame your blog. Yes, yours. It is a time drain in the great sink of my life.

To be fair, I also blame my blog. If your blog is the time drain, mine is the disposal.

But this is my point: without conscious thought as to my priorities, I am not doing many things that I wish I were doing. Little things, like: I have a cousin who recently told me that she drinks a cup of mint tea every. single. morning. because it helps start her day all refreshed and relaxed. She's 13. I am twenty-[mumble] and my days begin however they happen to begin.

I also recently stumbled across the following question: If your life were perfect, what would it look like?

And that got me thinking.

Aside from the obvious ceasing of sin and perfect unity with God and others, what would my ideal life look like? What are my "big rocks"? What things occupy "big rock" time when they ought to be mere pebbles?

So yesterday I sat down and drafted a core vision for my life. I listed out my daily "big rocks", my weekly goals, and things I don't want to go a month without. It felt a bit "weekend retreat", and a little strange to do it on my own just because, but it was surprisingly fruitful! I'll spare you all the details, but I hope to keep the list in front of me on a regular basis to ensure that I'm pursuing the things I've determined are important. I also hope to pray over the list and refine it, adding and tweaking when appropriate and as needs arise.

It's nothing earth-shattering, but I hope it will keep me accountable to myself, in a sense. It won't replace the daily grind of school and housework, but I pray it will enhance my day-to-day life as I move forward with one eye on the big picture. Many of my goals revolve around ways to strengthen relationships, improve my health, and generally be more intentional about my choices. In this way, I hope to multiply opportunities for the Lord to use me to edify others and glorify Himself.

A few highlights from my list:
Waking up early every morning to make breakfast for Joel and me to enjoy together before we head off into our respective days.
Getting some outdoor exercise at least a few times a week.
Sending "real mail" to important people in my life - a simple card or note - once a week or so.
Setting some kind of personal goal(s) every month, whether it's an idea for a fun date with Joel, a project I'd like to do around the house, or something totally different.

What do you think? Did it take me long enough to catch on to this? What are your "big rocks" and what would you like to make more room for in your jar? Do you want to know whether I adhere to this thing?

Homesick

2009-03-02T09:57:00.003-05:00

This morning's post on the Ligonier blog speaks of the homesickness we often feel as Christians, living in a land not our own, aliens in a foreign place, whose citizenship is in heaven. Since these ideas form the basis for my blog's identity as "Everyday Wanderer", I am eager to link to this post and encourage you to read Keith Mathison's thoughts.

Bonus: He includes a video of Dougie MacLean singing and playing an acoustic version of "Caledonia", a traditional Celtic song that I love (a la my fascination with "Celtic Woman"). This song was the inspiration for Mathison's post (double bonus!).

I would love to quote his post in its entirety right here, but that would be unfair. Instead, here's an excerpt to whet your appetite:

'Those of us who are believers, therefore, feel something akin to homesickness, and a song like "Caledonia" resonates in our soul. We take joy in and give thanks for the grace and mercy that is now ours because of the work of our Lord Jesus Christ, and we give thanks for the many blessings we have in this life, but we also daily struggle with the world, the flesh, and the devil. We see the suffering caused by sin around us, and we experience it ourselves. We see friends and family go home before us, leaving us to carry on without them. We cry out, "How long, O Lord?"'

[Several quotables in a row, I know - my creative juice[s?] seem to be a bit backed up at the moment. It's not as uncomfortable as it sounds.]

Friday Quotable

2009-02-27T08:37:00.004-05:00

I stumbled across this gem today on the Stuff Christians Like blog, quoted from The Pressure's Off by Larry Crabb. I confess I don't know too much about Crabb or his book, so this is not intended to be an endorsement per se. But this quote captures so much of what we need to hear as Christians today:

“We taste so little of the mouth-stopping, complaint-ending, desire-deepening awe that His presence creates when we think more about our problems and how to solve them than about meeting Him. We experience so little of the joy that sustains us in suffering and the hope that anchors us amid shattered dreams when we come to Him looking for the pathway out of hardships instead of the pathway into His presence.”

Christianity Lite, as some are wont to call much of American evangelicalism, tends to preach Jesus as someone who can help you out of your troubles, bring peace and happiness, and provide health, wealth, and unceasing prosperity. It's all about your best life now, or at least bringing temporal, emotional contentment and relief from your hardships. His yoke is easy, right?

But I think we do miss the real meaning of the light yoke and the peace that passes understanding. These do not come apart from communion with and true desire for the Jesus who carried our burden once for all, and the God of true shalom. The way that we find relief from the hardships of today is to transcend time by entering into the presence of Yahweh. We find our needs met on a much deeper level when we receive the blessed eternal provision of Jehovah-Jireh.

And all of this only through Christ. Solus Christus.

If you do not know Him and are wading through the muck of this life, one step from becoming stuck fast in the miry clay, call upon His name and ask Him to revive your heart. Only through the Holy Spirit's quickening can you receive the gospel of Christ - but then, beloved, you are assured of your salvation for all eternity. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33, emphasis mine).

The fruit of the Spirit (including joy and peace) are not things we accomplish, but things that are added to us as we spend time in God's presence, feasting upon His Word. The Psalmist says "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me" (Psalm 23:4, emphasis mine). He does not expect to find a shortcut out of the valley, but because of the Lord's goodness and promises, His guiding staff and chastening rod, the writer walks steadily on without fear of evil. He expects to come out of the valley eventually and dwell in the Lord's house forever - what a marvelous promise!

You who know Him share in this promise. Endure for a little while, cling to His goodness, and experience His peace and joy by seeking earnestly after Him rather than seeking a way out of your valley. Beloved, you will be rewarded with an inheritance of the glorious riches that are found in Christ Jesus!

This is true contentment: to acknowledge that I am a sinner, deserving of naught but God's wrath; to see any blessing as overflowing my cup and any ill as nothing compared with the amazing grace by which I'm saved; to be so completely nourished by His Word and presence that the trials of this life hold no sway over my thoughts and feelings. Amen and amen.

Xxxxxxx, YY

2009-02-23T15:13:00.004-05:00

Let the planning commence.

It should not surprise you to know that Joel has created a Google Map showing all of the Reformed churches within a ZZ miles radius of Xxxx Xxxxxxx.

More information will be forthcoming but for now...let there be much rejoicing!

Note: This entry has been de-identified. Do not be alarmed.

But Where??

2009-02-20T13:48:00.002-05:00

We won't be able to learn where we matched until Monday morning at 10:00.

Great system, I know. No flaws whatsoever.

Stay tuned.

It's Ok, You Can Breathe Again

2009-02-20T10:00:00.005-05:00

Joel and I are so pleased and humbled to announce the results of the match.

We matched!!!!!!

More accurately, I matched, but there's whole one flesh thing, so...

We are so much indebted to the grace of God that indeed our first thought and statement regarding this news is praise God! To Him be all of the glory, for there is nothing I've done to deserve an internship position more than the many who have not matched today. We will spend every day of our internship year thanking Him for the opportunity to be there, and for me to graduate in 2010!

News from my friends continues to trickle in. Some will match, and others will go on to the Clearinghouse on Monday. Please continue to pray for the many who have learned this morning that the emotional roller coaster is not quite over. We knew that not all of us would match, and in the final shake-down there are many who will be disappointed. This reality serves to humble me yet further, and brings me to my knees in absolute gratitude to the Lord. He is no less good and gracious to those who have not matched today, and my prayer is that they will go forward in faith that they are about to learn much of His love and providence.

Soli, soli, soli deo gloria

I don't know whether that works in Latin, but you get the idea.

Also, the title of this post made me think of that song "That, that I shall never breathe again (breathe again, breathe again)". I have to say, I did not expect to think of Toni Braxton on match day.

13.25 Hours and Counting

2009-02-19T20:45:00.002-05:00

That's how much longer my cohort must wait to find out about our match statuses (stati?). There was much emotional flooding earlier today as we exchanged well wishes and promises of prayer, and we asked one another how we plan to spend our "last evening". Some of us intend to stay up all night and compulsively refresh the inbox. Some planned to sleep all afternoon in order to facilitate this. There are others (me!) who hope to sleep peacefully, perhaps with the aid of a few Unisom and a rum and Coke (I can choke one down, under the circumstances). The highlight of this plan is that whenever I take a sleep aid, I find it impossible to get up early the next morning. Thus, I can remain unconscious until the deadline for match emails, which is 10:00 a.m.

The downside would be if the email comes at 8:00 a.m. and I sleep through all the phone calls that will inevitably follow. It's a chance I'm willing to take.

Tonight Joel has bought my favorite ice cream and offered me his unconditional support. I get to choose our activities and even our music choice! He turned on some Bruce Springsteen and I asked for Indelible Grace. He wondered why. I said, I'd like to listen to something that is soothing to my soul instead of.....this. No offense to The Boss, but whatever song was up first had some kind of dead cat/harmonica thing going on that was problematic to my stress level.

Regarding the stress level: It's really not too bad, as long as nothing annoying or irritating happens to throw off my delicate balance. When I'm cognitively engaged, I know everything will be fine. It's when I'm distracted that the automatic thoughts kick in and I become slightly crazy.

I'm so thankful for my wonderful husband, whose top priority tonight is waiting on me (literally, he already scooped the ice cream and has Carcassonne set up, so I should probably get going) and loving me. Together we're standing on the promises of God and looking forward to whatever news the morning brings.

I'd like to take this final opportunity before the match news arrives to acknowledge that my internship is not the be-all and end-all of the world. It certainly feels like a huge deal, and impacts our lives quite significantly. But in the overall scheme of things, I am still just a lump of clay in the Potter's hands. I'm just a cog in the gigantic machinery of His sovereign plan. Whether I do or don't match, I'm just one tiny little thread in His tapestry. And I'm thankful for that! There are so many other, more important things going on in the world and even in my life. Knowing that there is not even one renegade molecule in the universe is comforting. I can trust the Lord with my life because I'm about as big as one precious little molecule to Him. He's got it all under control. And it's all about Him and for His glory.

I'm reminded of Shack, Rack, and Benny who were to be thrown into the fiery furnace because of their faith. My God is able to provide me with the internship of my dreams. But even if He does not, He is still the King of kings and I will bow to none other - not even to the stress and possible discouragement of this process. Truly, soli deo gloria!

Your prayers remain greatly coveted. I'll keep you posted!

25 Things You Will Wish You Could Un-Read

2009-02-18T21:20:00.004-05:00

If you've been on Facebook in the last month or so, you're no doubt familiar with the "25 Things" meme that has been making the rounds. I've been tagged by a handful of friends who apparently are dying to learn 25 new things about me. So, for better or worse, I've trolled the dark recesses of my brain and come up with "25 Things" that just might make you want your two minutes back. Read on at your own peril.

1. I'm married to a man who could not be more perfect for me.

2. When I wear my large hoop earrings, black guys hit on me. Seriously. I'm wearing them right now.

3. I did not like onions until I was in college.

4. To get my current hairstyle, I took a photo of Posh Spice to the hair salon.

5. Joel and I are totally enmeshed with our cats and regularly have conversations with them.

6. I don't think there are 25 interesting things about me, so you might want to bail out now.

7. God willing, I will receive my doctorate in Clinical Psychology in May 2010.

8. The entire front left wheel once flew off my car while driving at a speed of about 55 mph. The lugs were completely sliced through. To this day, there is no satisfactory explanation for why this happened.

9. I knit like a fiend, and can even do cable patterns.

10. I have played the piano for 23 years now.

11. I am a huge nerd.

12. I display features of OCD, including a compulsive need to make sure the covers are centered before I can get in bed at night. Joel loves this about me.

13. The tastiest alcoholic beverage I have ever enjoyed was a Pomegranate Mojito from Uno Chicago Grill.

14. I got the new ESV Study Bible for Christmas and decided to read through it in a year. I'm currently in the book of Judges.

15. Reading the Old Testament is fabulous for my vocabulary. I say fun things like "go out and depart from my presence." See 11 above.

16. My sister will marry a boy on July 3, and it kind of freaks me out. In a good way.

17. There will always be a special place in my heart for Atari, my first video game love.

18. My favorite flower is the alstremaria, and I have no idea how to spell it.

19. I rule at Yoshi on the original NES.

20. One day I will write a book. I'm just not sure what it will be about.

21. I read books on theology for fun and can speak haltingly about major church movements in the past century.

22. My best Wii age is 22.

23. I love to do home renovations/remodeling, and have acquired mad skillz in the areas of applying texture to walls, doing those popcorn ceilings with my bare hands, patching bad walls, and covering doorknobs with a latex glove and masking tape. Thank you Michele.

24. I have a lot of dreams concerning babies. I hope that they are prophetic.

25. There is nothing more amazing than flying through waist-high mud on a four-wheeler.

The End. Hey, you can't say I didn't warn you.

Possibly Too Much Self-Disclosure, But The Whole Point is That I'm Crazy

2009-02-17T17:25:00.004-05:00

I'm not sure why I do these things to myself, but this week has been a culmination of all the most stressful factors possible.

First of all, it is the Week of Pre-Reckoning. This is the period preceding the Days of Reckoning on Friday and Monday, wherein we learn our APPIC fate. So there is a wee bit of the stress. Even though it is all in the Lord's hands, it's like my brain still insists on short-circuiting all my happy coping strategies of prayer and focusing on the promises of God. I am experiencing significant psychomotor agitation and general feelings of physiological arousal. These are more commonly known as freaking out, in the bodily sense.

Also there are the hormones, which shall not be spoken of further. Suffice it to say that I elected to be a huge craving bundle of moods this week.

And finally, I sent my precious Mac to depart from my presence. [Aside: can you tell I just started the book of Judges as I read through the Bible? All sorts of catchy phrases from the Pentateuch peppering my speech these days...] My laptop did nothing worse than freeze up a few times in the last couple of months, and perhaps spontaneously reboot once or twice. And here I have practically disowned it, all in the name of more reliable performance and less anemic start-up sound. Oh and hopefully a replacement keyboard cover. New innards, new outards, I will hardly recognize Elizabeth's Mac when it returns to me.

So anyway, I am without several key coping mechanisms [laptop, emotional stability] during this leadup to the D.o.R. At least we have a bucket o' monster cookies and a Wii to see me through! Not to mention the bottle of rum we bought on a whim last week, before I remembered that I don't really care for rum and Coke. [I had a rum and Coke alongside a few slices of pizza for dinner, and made a horrendous face after my first sip. Me: "Ew, it's so strong!" Joel: "Not really." Me: "Really?" Joel: "If you wanted it to taste like Coke, you should have just had a glass of Coke." Me: "......"]

Also on Thursday evening I went to McDonalds for a double cheeseburger and fries at 10:00 at night. What am I, in college?

So the irrational choices are plentiful, and I'm sure they are not a sign of worse things to come during these last few days before D.o.R.

Riiiiiight.

On Why I Don't Need a Valentine

2009-02-15T21:25:00.004-05:00

It seems perhaps I was unclear in my original Valentine post about the reason for my negative attitude toward the holiday. I must say that I'm not opposed to celebrating love, romantic or otherwise. The consumerist thrust of the holiday is wearying and doesn't help its case with the Pearces. But the real reason for my disdain, as it was so aptly labeled is...

[just a moment as I struggle atop my soapbox....ah, there we are]...

Oh, I kid. About the struggle, not about the soapbox.

It's just that Valentine's Day, while a nice idea in many regards, ought to be needless and superfluous, oughtn't it? Similar to Mother's Day and Father's Day, which are marvelous opportunities to honor the parents in one's life, Valentine's Day seems to have been created by the greeting card, chocolate, and flower companies as the one day to make up for 364 days of neglect and dis-honor (or at the very least, un-honor).

Perhaps that's too harsh. I know not all of you men are running around treating your womenfolk like chopped liver. But why the need to pamper and treat her on one particular day, and the urgency of worrying that if you don't live up to her romantic expectations you can expect your name to be mud until the next gift-giving occasion?

It is my position that if we were properly loving and honoring our mothers, fathers, and objects of romantic affection, there would be no need to buy a card and 9,000 calories' worth of her favorite decadence (and why is that an expression of love anyway? "Here honey, maybe this year you can just glue this giant heart-shaped box to your--"...but I digress).

Hence my disdain for Valentine's Day. It signifies a lack of personal responsibility for working to maintain a relationship. And it puts a tremendous amount of pressure on romantic partners to top last year, or spend enough money to convey how much you REALLY love her. I disdain Valentine's Day because I see shallow, fragile relationships being celebrated as though they are strong. I see boorish husbands offering the day's goods to insecure wives who are right to wonder how much they are loved. I see selfish spouses monitoring how much they are receiving, with one foot out the door if they just don't feel it anymore. It BREAKS MY HEART. I guess what I'm saying is that the state of our marriages is tragic and shameful.

Don't get huffy, it's a generalization. I know your marriage is fabulous and intimate and oozes rainbows and happiness.

But the divorce rate is troubling and reveals a huge problem. For a nation that puts so much stock in a one-day romance binge, we are really missing the true definition of love.

Men, please love your wives every day. Pick up flowers for no reason on July 22 if you've got a romantic side that you just can't hide. More importantly, though, open her car door (if she'll let you - these days you never know. I think some men rightly avoid this for fear of drawing back a bloody stump), guide her through a crowd, hold her hand, know her struggles, fears, and joys. Pray with her and for her every day you're blessed to share with her. Ask her what she wants from you, what she needs. Give her that! Thank her.

Love her so well that on February 14, if you do bring home roses and pull out her chair at a fancy restaurant, it'll be because it's second nature. Love her so well that on February 14 she'll wake up with a huge smile on her face simply because it's you there next to her. Love her so well that she feels exactly the same on February 14 that she does on July 22 because you two are one.

See how I get all sappy about love? Sentimental holidays are bogus. It's the everyday choices we make that build intimacy and stockpile our love banks full of warm fuzzies. I look at my husband and, unless it's laundry day, I see a man who knows me in every sense of the word, good and bad, my gifts and my baggage, my virtues and my deepest darkest sin, and he loves me. I love my husband first of all because I promised to, and secondly because he demonstrates the husbandry of Christ in my life. He sacrifices for me, lays down his desires and his life, serves me, and provides me with amazing grace and forgiveness whenever I have need of it. I have never been shamed or unforgiven by him, no matter the gravity of my offense. I love my husband because, through my marriage to him, I better understand who I am as part of the bride of Christ.

Seriously, people, that's heady stuff. God has given me so much better than I deserve!

And in case you were wondering, on laundry day the tables are turned and it is he who is in need of amazing grace. Oh, the socks. I thank God for the mutual sanctification that occurs in our household.

The Honeymoon Might Be Over

2009-02-13T13:36:00.005-05:00

I don't know whether you observe Happy Hallmark Day or perhaps its melancholy backside, Singles Awareness Day. Whatever your celebratory status, whether you plan to clink champagne glasses to another year of love, or drown your sorrows in a large vat of Hershey's Special Dark, don't get too awfully carried away. I can't even wrap my brain around the contrived ridiculousness of February 14. Your degree of worth and fullness of Love Bank do not suddenly and dramatically change tonight at the stroke of midnight. GOSH.

Anyway.

Do Joel and I intend to celebrate? WELL. It just so happens that in our living room at this very moment is a large, ostentatious basket of long-stemmed roses, inside of which lies a gold-plated brick of Godiva that, once consumed, will reveal a slightly smudged, brand-new Wii!! A gift straight from the heart of the husband of my youth.

Ok, so there is a Wii, but it's actually still sealed in its very mediocre FedEx box and has nothing fancy about it whatsoever. And it's not a gift from my husband, we decided to combine birthday budgets and spend it all two months early. We ordered it from Best Buy and it's sheer coincidence that it arrived the day before Valentine's Day.

Romantic and full of magic, our marriage is.

[Who am I, Yoda?]

So don't bother calling, and don't knock on the door. We will be MIA tomorrow, creating Miis and bowling like it's going out of style. Because it's not out of style yet. At all. And it couldn't matter less that tomorrow is Valentine's Day because we love each other with the fire of a thousand suns every single day of our lives. No fancy-pants flowers or cards needed.

Take THAT, Hallmark.

And yes, our thoughts toward Valentine's Day may change dramatically when we can afford fancy-pants flowers and cards. Right now we're too busy scraping together our nickels and dimes to pay off this Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...

Able, Baker, and Charles

2009-02-04T19:34:00.005-05:00

Learn about the internship match, and come to a greater appreciation of the uncertainty involved as I contemplate my future. The match example below comes from the National Matching Services, Inc. website.

~~~~~~~~~~

An example of the matching process involving three applicants and three programs is shown below. The Rank Order Lists submitted by programs and applicants in this example are as follows:

Programs' Rank Order Lists

Program A	Program B	Program C
(2 Positions)	(1 Position)	(1 Position)

1. Charles	1. Baker	1. Baker
2. Baker	2. Charles
3. Able	3. Able

Applicants' Rank Order Lists

Able	Baker	Charles

1. Program B	1. Program A	1. Program B
2. Program A	2. Program B	2. Program A
	3. Program C

Match Process

The actual matching is done on a computer. However, the matching process itself could be completed as effectively by hand; the computer serves only to expedite the process. The computer is set up to process the lists in the following manner.

It first attempts to place Able into his first choice, Program B. Since Program B has an available position, Able is tentatively matched to Program B. Next an attempt is made to place Baker into Program A. Since Program A has an available position, Baker is tentatively matched to Program A.

The computer then attempts to place Charles into Program B. Program B's position is currently filled, but Program B prefers Charles to its current match with Able. Able is therefore removed from Program B, and Charles is tentatively matched into Program B.

Since Able has just been removed from a tentative match with Program B, an attempt is made to re-match Able. The computer first tries to place Able into Program B; however, this is unsuccessful because Program B's position is now filled with Charles, who is preferred by Program B. Next an attempt is made to place Able into his second choice, Program A. Since Program A still has an available position, Able is tentatively matched to Program A.

The matching process is now complete as each applicant's list has been processed, and each applicant is tentatively matched to the most preferred choice possible. Tentative matches now become final.

Note that in the matching process, no applicant or program can be forced into a final match until all applicant Rank Order Lists have been considered for the best possible tentative matches.

~~~~~~~~~~

Did you follow all that? Now think about matching 3,759 applicants to 3,016 internship slots nationwide. Those were the figures from last year - 743 more people than positions. About 80% of those applicants were matched to an internship position, and 90% of positions were filled. 279 applicants withdrew prior to the match, which means that 2,749 out of 3,492 people matched.

I'm no statistician, but without knowing how my sites ranked me, I don't really see how we can calculate my odds of matching. Anyone out there good at math?

*Note: The match is for any doctoral level students pursuing a professional psychology degree that requires internship training prior to graduation. This includes clinical psychology, counseling psychology, school psychology and the degrees of Psy.D., Ph.D., and Ed.D.. I'm in a Psy.D. program in Clinical Psychology.

Solidarity and Continuity

2009-02-02T22:00:00.006-05:00

I've been enjoying a new Sara Groves album that was given to me for Christmas, and one song in particular has grabbed my heart this week. It's a new take on the old "When the Saints Go Marching In" motif, and it brings a tremendous sense of solidarity and continuity to bear on the idea of a great cloud of witnesses that has gone before us. The music has a driving undercurrent, and the lyrics are almost chantlike with a stirring rhythmic quality. As you listen, you get a sense that there is a steady pulse, a single heartbeat that unites the body of Christ into one ever-onward march. What an incredible testimony to the faithfulness of God through the ages, and what an awesome encouragement to us who believe ourselves to be afflicted and yet are sharing only the smallest part of the burden of the saints.

I'd like to share the lyrics in hope that it will do justice to the spirit that this song it conveys.

"When the Saints" ~Sara Groves

Lord, i have a heavy burden of all i've seen and know,
it's more than i can handle
but your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and i can't let it go
and when i'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
i think of paul and silas in the prison yard
i hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
and when the Saints go marching in
i want to be one of them

Lord it's all that i can't carry and cannot leave behind
it all can overwhelm me
but when i think of all who've gone before and lived a faithful life
their courage compels me
and when i'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
i think of paul and silas in the prison yard
i hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
i see the shepherd moses in the pharaoh's court
i hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord
and when the Saints go marching in,
i want to be one of them.

and when the Saints go marching in,
i want to be one of them.

i see the long quiet walk along the underground railroad,
i see the slave awakening to the value of her soul
i see the young missionary and the angry spear,
i see his family returning with no trace of fear
i see the long hard shadows of calcutta nights
i see the sister standing by the dying man's side
i see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
i see the man with a passion come kicking down that door
i see the man of sorrow and his long troubled road
i see the world on his shoulders and my easy load

and when the Saints go marching in,
i want to be one of them.

Lord, how I long to be counted as one of your faithful! Adonai, grant me the strength to persevere through these tiny trials I face. Like the passing of the Olympic torch, help me to carry on the legacy of the faith and pass it to the next generation of your children. May I pass on a blessing.

But, between you and me, do you want to know the part of this song that pierced me through?

"i see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor, i see the man with a passion come kicking down that door."

I am that young girl. My friend, I was once so lost in my sin that I was huddled in the despicable brothel of my whoring with no hope of ever leaving. My soul was so dark within me that I had no desire even to turn toward the door. But beloved, praise the Christ of God that He is no gentleman! The instant that he kicked down that door, my heart leapt within me and I recognized my savior. Gently but without apology he dragged me from my sin and though I clung to it, he loosened my grip and gave me a desire for himself. Like Aslan, he breathed life into this heart of stone.

A heart that continues to leap at the reminder of his great grace even to me, a sinner.

A heart that is so prone to wander, prone to leave the one I love.

Take and seal it, Lord, seal it for thy courts above...and when the Saints go marching in, may I be one of them.

Oh THAT New Castle

2009-01-28T12:16:00.007-05:00

My most recent post reflected my confusion at the phrase "Carrying coal to New Castle." And my mother likewise shared her thoughts of wondering where they are keeping all that coal? Perhaps under Coaltown Hill? (I jest. This hill near my parents' house is naught but the bane of many a school bus driver during the winter months. If you are from New Castle, this joke is lame. If you're not, this joke is....even lamer.)

Fear not, our dear friend Google is here to help!

The actual phrase is "Carrying coals to Newcastle" and refers to Newcastle, England, which was the UK's first coal exporting port. It does indeed mean to do something "pointless and superfluous" (score points for using context clues!), since Newcastle was itself a rich source of coal.

Related phrases include "carrying owls to Athens" and "selling snow to Eskimos" since, doubtless, Greece already had its fair share of wisdom and Eskimos need no more snow than they have.

Thanks to The Phrase Finder for providing this information, which I have shamelessly copied directly to my blog with little, if any, paraphrasing.

I'm inspired to come up with my own related phrases...how about "giving football lessons to Hines Ward" or "feeding beans to my husband". Sadly, I can't come up with anything clever that has to do with Chick-Fil-A.

New Castle Must Have Plenty of Coal

2009-01-26T20:18:00.007-05:00

I've just arrived home from my second and final road trip of the month. And hopefully will not be putting rump to car seat for a good long time! My Nissan and I have covered just over 2,000 miles in the past 2 weeks, and R.C. Sproul has never seemed such a bosom buddy. Why, we had the most delightful conversation during the last half hour of my drive home from Tennessee. Last night. At 2:30 a.m.

We get a bit punchy when we're on the road for nine hours by ourselves. R.C. will tell you.

Though you can't begin to imagine the solid, Reformation teaching that has permeated my brain in the past few weeks. If Sproul can Renew Your Mind in 26:50, what do you think happens in (18*2*26:50) + (17*2*26:50)?

I will tell you that I can finish his sentences verbatim and answer his rhetorical questions with nary an effort. [He's making a few grammatical errors in his old age, particularly with regard to subject/verb agreement, he loves the Steelers, and his new favorite phrase is "carrying coal to New Castle", whatever that means (I think it means doing something unnecessary or superfluous?).]

The upside?

Never have I felt so confident of my salvation, so sure of my election, and so ready to give an answer for the things I believe. Go ahead, try me. Reformation theology is like a sweet, sweet drug - wine gladdens the hearts of men, but TULIP makes them positively giddy.

Or it could have been something circulating in my A/C for 9 hours straight. I'm not sure.

But today was a great day to submit my rank list for internship! I have a sense of total peace about my placement (or lack thereof) for next year. A few days ago I was blessed to read through Psalm 112 with some dear sisters (and brother) in Christ, and a line caught my eye.

Psalm 112:1,7:
Praise the Lord!
Blessed is the man who fears the Lord,
who greatly delights in His commandments!
....
He is not afraid of bad news;
his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

The Lord is gracious to those who fear him, who walk in his ways and delight in his commandments. We enjoy his providence and tender mercies, and know that whatever comes, it is the Lord's good pleasure for us. So, internship or no, Praise the Lord!

Soli deo gloria!

I'm Dreaming of a White Superbowl

2009-01-20T20:22:00.006-05:00

I am not a fan of weather that causes me to eat the proverbial crow in front of the whole interweb.

Or, you know, the .001% of the interweb that hangs out at my blog.

As I watched the weather.com radar map, a very large blob of light blue "snow" moved steadily toward Virginia Beach and then...vaporized. Before my very eyes. Gone. Nary a snowflake so much as crystallized in Hampton Roads today.

Meanwhile, in Raleigh (yes, North Carolina; yes, south of Virginia Beach):

We live in a pocket of anti-freeze.

Cold Day In....

2009-01-19T22:34:00.004-05:00

Well you know where it must be a cold day (and I don't mean just at the oceanfront) when Virginia Beach has a winter storm warning. We might get 3-6 inches of snow by tomorrow evening! Snowfall of this magnitude is enough to shut down the entire Hampton Roads area for the day - given our lack of snow tires, road salt, and driving wherewithal.

The best part?

This would mean Day Three of hanging out at home with my hubby! I think I am praying harder for a snow day tomorrow than I ever did in grade school, even though there are no sledding hills around here for miles.

Joel and I enjoyed a very strange Sunday yesterday after I arrived home around 4 a.m. We had the best intentions of attending church but after my marathon drive (involving an accidental and most unhelpful detour) and the tail end of a stomach bug, we slept in all the way til eleven! To make up for missing church, we watched part of a DVD on the Reformation when we had finished our pancakes and hash browns.

Then today was MLK Day (not to be confused with MILK Day. Sometimes I don't read so good. But that's another story.), so of course the Chamber was closed along with Regent. Another day to while away together!

And so if this snow thing does indeed come to pass, I believe it will be the Lord's way of blessing Joel and me with a solid three days together in between my five-day road trips. He always knows just what we need!

Photographic evidence of snow angels and sculptures to come, I hope! Or we might, you know, stay inside where it's warm and brew lots of African-flavored coffee, seeing as how my snow pants are at my parents' house in PA.

If Church Were Like the NFL

2009-01-17T11:30:00.001-05:00

A little comic relief on this Saturday morning...though I'm pretty sure I actually have seen some of this stuff in real churches, especially the clips of the pastors introducing themselves.

Highlights of the video: "pre-gaming" with communion cups; "have you ever bet on attendance?", King James vs. NIV, "Chief's fan - they play at 11".

I wish I could give a hat tip for this one, but I don't remember where I came across this little gem. Enjoy!

**HT: Irish Calvinist blog who hat tips a blog no longer in existence. Let me know if you can dig up any other background on the video.

D-U-N

2009-01-15T15:45:00.005-05:00

After a brief whirlwind tour of eastern PA and north Jersey, I am pleased to report that I am hereby DONE with internship interviews!

My deepest and sincere thanks to you who covered my travels and interviews in prayer. It could not have been more clear to me that the Lord God went before me and made His face to shine favorably upon the interviews. While they were intense, I felt sharp and on-point with my responses to questions and analyses of sample case vignettes, etc. I can only hope that my interviewers went away feeling as positive about their time with me.

And I can honestly say that I loved both the Reading Hospital and Medical Center (TRHMC) and Greystone Park Psych Hospital (GPPH) programs. My personality would be a great fit at TRHMC, while the GPPH would offer some wonderful opportunities since it is state-funded and housed in a brand new facility. I would be happy matching at either site!

Now we wait for the dice to be rolled. It's still possible that I won't match at all, so don't stop interceding before the Lord on my behalf! We're confident that the Lord has a plan for the next year of our lives, and hope that it will involve an internship - but if not, we'll proceed where He leads and thank Him for it. May He receive all of the praise and glory for two highly positive interviews and for whatever good He reveals in the coming year.

The Shack, Part the First

2009-01-11T06:30:00.004-05:00

[This is the first of a few posts on The Shack. I hope you'll bear with me through some potentially lengthy comments and interact with them by leaving your own comments. It is my intent to approach the book with humility and a firm love for the truth, which has been revealed to us in the Word of God. You should know that I work from the perspective of Reformed theology and believe that the Bible is the highest authority against which all else should be tested. I can do no less or more than point to Scripture as an answer to the issues raised by this book, and make no apology for the firmness with which God commands His children to guard His truth.]

I recently read through the current "Christian" best-seller The Shack by William P. Young. This based-on-a-true-story novel depicts a guy named Mack symbolically and literally revisiting the place of his deepest pain. He visits "the shack" only to find - or rather, to be found by - "Papa", his wife's affectionate nickname for God. Mack spends the weekend soliciting Papa's answers for life's toughest questions from the purpose of pain and suffering to the nature of God and His views on religion.

Prior to reading this book, I had perused several reviews by such as Tim Challies and Mark Driscoll. The general consensus among Bible scholars and discerning believers seems to be that the book flirts with heresy, whereas others like Michael W. Smith regard it as "the most absorbing work of fiction I've read in many years....The Shack will leave you craving for the presence of God."

Perhaps, but not in the way Smith intended. Little but fluff, this work leaves the discerning Christian cold and hungry for the meat of the true gospel.

It may be emotionally powerful and spiritually gripping, but largely unbalanced in its presentation of "truth" and its answering of Mack's questions.

In my posts discussing the book, I will attempt to distill my own opinions of the book (of which there are many) into several overarching themes. In this initial post, I'd like to address a few general arguments I have encountered regarding fiction-as-theology (particularly The Shack). I encourage you to read my responses and interact with them via your comments below. I realize these arguments are born of a genuine desire to be open-minded and I appreciate their intent, but I don't believe that they hold up against the standard of Scripture. I do not highlight these arguments in order to rebuke, but rather to exhort fellow believers to the high calling of God's Word.

1. It's only a work of fiction - it's not trying to teach doctrinal truths about God.

No human creation is devoid of a worldview, or basic presuppositions about the nature of reality. To create is to leave a mark that tells something of the creator's character and values (isn't this, after all, what Christians believe about the general revelation of nature?). So let us first discard the notion that a novel could be free from certain kinds of views and values. And when we understand that the book explicitly depicts the Triune God as physically present with a human being, answering questions and explaining His own nature, red flags and alarms ought to be going off in every direction! How could such a book not present truth claims in some form or fashion? We ought, then, to read carefully.

And indeed, this novel purports to be more than fiction: "The answers Mack gets will astound you and perhaps transform you as much as it did him. You'll want everyone you know to read this book!" This from the back cover of the book. The author's apparent intent, from what I can gather, is to share the answers he's found to life's tough questions and his own God-image transformation. He hopes the book will be transformational and encourages its readers to expand its circle of influence. The author himself has stated in a number of interviews that he intended his work to be more than fiction.

2. You shouldn't form an opinion about the book without reading it for yourself.

A fair enough protestation on the surface, but what if we were to carry it through to its logical conclusion? One could not claim to have an opinion about anything he had not tested, tasted, smelled, touched, heard, or seen. I would have to read the entire Quran, or the complete works of David Koresh, in order to deem them false. In Scripture we are exhorted to "test everything" in terms of teachings so that we can "hold fast to what is true" (1 Thes 5:21). But does this mean that I, personally, must try everything? I should weigh every teaching that I encounter, in terms of discerning truth from falsehood. But let us not discount the value of relying on trusted believers' evaluations. In the case of The Shack, I've read reviews and perused information from a variety of sources including those comments mentioned above. I would venture to say that when it comes to book and other kinds of reviews, the purpose of discernment shifts to the weighing of the source. One should not, for instance, give undue credit to someone who writes outside his area of expertise, nor take seriously the critique of a man whom you know to hold untrue beliefs. A book review written by Brett Favre or Rob Bell (not to place these two on the same level of esteem...) wouldn't persuade me to form an opinion on anything.

On the other hand, I can trust Christian scholars like Sproul, Challies, Piper, etc. because I have continuously compared their teachings against Scripture and found them to be discerning and trustworthy. Thankfully we can turn to those more informed and well-read than ourselves to provide reliable information, so that we do not need to read for ourselves every book ever written. My life would be spent frantically trying to keep up with the publishers, with no time left over for lofty blog posts! So I inform myself via the work of trusted others, thus exercising my responsibility to test and discern what is good without wandering right into the lion's den, so to speak. Indeed, according to Challies (2007), just because we are to test everything does not mean that we are to try everything. "We do not necessarily need to touch or experience things to know that they are evil" (p. 84). I believe that The Shack contains heresy because I trust the theology of those who have told me so.

That said, it isn't as though I am against reading things in order to form firsthand opinions of them. It's just that, after learning that the book contains untruths and partial truths (which are really untruths if you think about it), I had no desire to read The Shack. I just didn't feel like it. And to anyone who would desire to read it, I only caution you to read it with discernment and to be aware of the charges brought against it. As believers, are we not called to be responsible and well-informed readers? Is this not part of our duty to "test everything"?

3. It is (rigid/closed-minded/inflexible/etc.) of you to call a work of fiction 'heresy'!

Let's talk about the definition of heresy for a moment. In its broadest sense, heresy refers to any teaching or belief that departs from orthodoxy (the traditional teachings to which Christians through the years have held). More specifically, we can look at different "levels of theological urgency" (Challies, 2007, p. 87). Several teachings have been most central and essential to the Christian faith, including the doctrines of the Trinity, atonement, the deity and humanity of Jesus Christ, justification by faith alone, and the authority of Scripture (Challies). This will be an important list to keep in mind as we compare these first-order theological issues with those tackled in The Shack.

While we are to take all theological issues seriously ("test everything", remember?), those who deny or distort any of the above teachings have departed from biblical Christianity (Challies). So these areas are those in which we can most certainly apply the label of "heresy" to inaccurate teachings. Christians differ significantly on other topics, such as baptism and spiritual gifts, but one can be incorrect here without actually being heretical. I understand that heresy is an emotionally loaded word that sounds extreme and harsh, but an untruth about the nature or character of the God of the universe or of His gospel ought to bring harsh criticism from those who love Him and His truth. For my part, I find it impossible to endorse a book that might contain a few helpful principles about God's love that are largely wrapped in layers of half truths that feel good. Any dilution or distortion of the truth is problematic.

Does this represent a rigid view of Scripture? Judge for yourself: Hebrews 5:11-14 says that the mature are those whose powers of discernment are trained to distinguish good from evil, and tells us that those who are immature require milk and are unskilled in the word of righteousness. (By no means do I claim to have arrived at full spiritual maturity, per Hebrews 5, but by God's grace and Holy Spirit I'm being shaped to that end.) 1 and 2 Timothy exhort believers to guard the deposit of truth; we are to hold fast to the Word of truth (1 Cor. 15:2, Phil. 2:16). The Scripture has a high view of itself, and through it God tells us in countless ways to cling to what is true and hate what is false or evil, particularly when it comes to the truths of the gospel (Gal. 2:5). The Psalmist sings of the Word, of the statutes and ways of the Lord, which bring wisdom and delight when learned and rightly obeyed (Psalm 119). God's Word leaves no room for a casual approach; those who love Him obey His commands (1 John 5:2). According to what Scripture says about itself, those who love the Lord are also to love truth and are to guard it fiercely, especially truths about the very nature of God and His gospel!

These are the very truths that are undermined in The Shack. Even providing some leeway for the book to be viewed as fiction, the answers given by "Papa" in the book are problematic. Allegorical aspects aside, old heresies including modalism and Gnosticism are sprinkled liberally throughout the novel. There is nothing new here, but the discerning reader ought to be concerned nonetheless.

4. Shouldn't you be able to take the good and leave the bad?

This might be possible for the discerning reader. I can acknowledge some helpful aspects of the book - but the danger is that it still contains too many half-truths and untruths to render it truly helpful, or something I could recommend to anyone else. Would you place even one drop of poison in a glass full of water and deem it fit to drink? A book that contains an un-Scriptural view of God ought to be passed over in favor of one that presents Him truthfully, regardless of how moving the underlying story might be.

And indeed, would those who love God's truth even enjoy reading something that requires such sifting of wheat from chaff? I personally found many statements in the book to be jarring to my thoughts and to the storyline as Scripture after Scripture bombarded my mind with truth after countermanding truth.

But more about that soon, when I post my thoughts about the book itself...

References:
Challies, T. (2007). The Discipline of Spiritual Discernment. Wheaton, IL: Crossway.

Marriage Blessing

2009-01-09T11:39:00.004-05:00

Joel and I had the opportunity to visit with some dear friends while we traveled for Christmas. We stopped in Pennsylvania to stay in the home of Len and Sue, and their son Micah. This Godly family extended warm hospitality, and we enjoyed catching up with them and sharing in their family devotional time. What an encouraging example of placing Christ and the Word at the center of their lives.

While we were there, Len provided us with a handwritten copy of the blessing he spoke at our wedding over two years ago. Joel posted it on his blog today, and reading through it brought me to tears. This blessing speaks of the priorities and privileges of a Christian marriage, and by God's grace I believe He is carrying this blessing out. It is humbling and astonishing to read Len's words and to realize that God has been working out these Biblical exhortations in my marriage! I hope you will read the blessing for yourself and be encouraged to commit your relationships to God. By the power of His Spirit, He is mighty to bring about His purposes and to glorify Himself through our small, human lives - through both our challenges and our joys! We have obviously not arrived at the full sanctification of our marriage just yet (what an understatement!), but the hand of God is undeniably shaping us and conforming us to His image. Lord, continue your work in us and help us always to submit to your ways.

For Joel and Liz,

As each day unfolds, the Lord calls us to approach that day as one filled with wonder, amazement, and opportunity. A gift from God to be used to bring Him honor and glory. We are called to fill each day with all the love that lives within us, with goodness, with charity, with kindness, with generosity. May your life together take shape day by day. May these vows of marriage in the name of Jesus Christ be the cornerstone on which your life is built. May the visions you both hold dearest be those that come to pass. May the lives you touch and the friendships you make be those that endure.

As your hearts are full of love, may the world always be filled with the beauty that He gives to us. May you always realize how precious the gift is that God has given to you both - the heart of the one you love. May He bless you with many merry days. May everything you do in life reflect that special glow of the Holy Spirit who dwells within.

May contentment always latch your door. May the Lord make your relationships a great and holy adventure together. May you surrender to the King - your conflicts and your burdens. May you always be guided in the ways of holiness. May your relationship together be as a burst of light; a fount of love and wisdom for you both, for your family, for your community, for our world. May you always remember that in each other you have the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man. Yes, even the strongest one in whose loving arms you are repaired and made whole all over again. May you remain forever young in your marriage. May you grow each day in wisdom and in your desire to serve one another as you both serve the King of Kings - our Lord, our Savior, our God, Jesus Christ.

In His name we pray, Amen.

Last Horse Across the Finish Line

2009-01-08T20:51:00.003-05:00

Remember how I was going to read through Isaiah over break? No deal. But this is because Joel blessed me with the new ESV Study Bible for Christmas, and I've been deeply absorbed in its pages for the past few weeks. Well, week anyway. And I have an earth-shattering observation to share with y'all.

When I read the Bible every day, it changes who I am!

I know, I know...slow clap, as we applaud the final straggling horse (me). After all, doesn't the Scripture tell us that it has this effect? Can't we see this example in those like David who meditated upon the Lord's statutes day and night? (Well, at least early in the morning; that's one example of which I will likely always fall short. I don't do early mornings.)

Really, I wish there were some way to conduct a double-blind study of the correlation between my spiritual health, experience of and resistance to temptation, and my reading of the Word. As it is, there is no hope of a control group, and far too much experimenter bias to render the study reliable or valid.

But alas, all I can report is a shoddy collection of anecdotal evidence. I started in Genesis when I got my new Bible (which weighs a certifiable 50 lbs - if the Word of God is a double-edged sword, then this is a battle axe), just soaking up all the extra information with regard to authorship, themes, cross-references, etc. It not only nourishes my spirit, it also feeds my mind! With the ESV Study Bible it's easier than ever to trace themes and notice connections, and it always highlights the sovereignty of God and His faithful work in a particular (sinful) people for a particular purpose. What a needed reminder in the midst of internship interview season! I can identify with Abraham, who lived in anticipation of a promise, in faith that the Lord would bring it about.

Allow me to reach my point (finally! you no doubt sigh in relief...): I skipped an evening this week (I'm telling you, the early morning thing is my arch-nemesis, though I long to master it) and noticed an immediate decline in my sanctification, as evidenced by increased occurrence of overtly sinful thoughts and decreased ability to withstand temptation. Coincidence? I think not - though this is where that double-blind study with control group would come in handy.

Dissertation, get thee out of my head.

What I'm trying to say is that the Word of God? It's like a light to my feet and a lamp to my path or something. Like maybe reading and meditating on the Word and promises of God bring life and revive the soul? I don't know. But it's like I read that somewhere once...

Hat Tip Monday

2008-12-22T12:02:00.003-05:00

In the busy-ness of getting ready for our Christmas visit to New Jersey (and wrapping up grading papers, and baking cookies, and finalizing the gifts), I'm afraid I don't quite have the time to post all those scintillating thoughts on Isaiah and The Shack, which I am reading for critical thinking and dialoguing purposes.

See Challies' review of the book here.

But, in the interest of pointing you in the direction of some good reading, please check out Joel's Information Overload over at token lines. More from me later!

Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin?

2008-12-17T07:00:00.002-05:00

You do what you are, according to Mark Driscoll (and Scripture!). You're a sinner by nature, who as a result has sin in your life. You're not a good person...deep down, you're a really bad person! According to Psalm 5:5, God hates those who do evil! There is no separation of the sinful deed from the one who is sinful in God's eyes. This is why it's so imperative that we be covered in the shed blood of Christ, who once and for all bought us and rescued us from the wrath of God which we justly deserve. In Christ, we are a new creation. Just as the sin cannot be separated from the sinner, so Christ's righteousness cannot be separated from those who are in Him. Our sins are forgiven and are as far from us as east is from west. Be assured, beloved of Christ, that your standing is certain before the Lord.

How incredibly humbling...

Do not flatter yourself so much that you cannot detect or hate your sin (Psalm 36:2). As believers, we are still in the process of sanctification. We ought to live holy and blameless lives out of obedience to our Father, who has adopted us as sons and daughters through Christ. We are no longer slaves to the law, in that we are not condemned for our failings and are given life apart from it. However, we are slaves to righteousness, Paul says, and should draw on the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome temptation and seek to live out our love for God.

Isn't That the Point of Prophecy?

2008-12-16T13:38:00.005-05:00

For the last couple of weeks, the book of Isaiah has been repeatedly grabbing my attention. Which is, ironically, kind of what the prophets were originally designed to do. I'm sure this is at least partially due to the whole Advent season thing, what with Isaiah containing lots of prophecies about the coming Savior and all that. But situational influence or no, I plan to devote substantial time in the coming weeks to reading through this entire beautiful book.

Just thought I'd let you know, in case you found yourself staying awake at night wondering what in the world I plan to read during Christmas break.

Also, I hope to have some blog content deriving from Isaiah, to share the messages that impact me the most and what the Holy Spirit impressed upon me through my reading.

If you weren't already staying awake thinking about my reading habits, I know you'll spend the next week sleeplessly anticipating my thoughts on Isaiah.

For Those Who Care

2008-12-15T19:27:00.004-05:00

Map of Interview Locations

I wish there were some just a little further west...

Realtime Update

2008-12-15T16:42:00.003-05:00

Hey there, sports fans, how about a little live blogging to keep you updated on the oh-so-hot AAPIC action?

The Jersey connection will be excited to hear that I have an interview with Greystone Park Psychiatric Hospital, date TBA. That's only about 45 minutes from y'all! I'll be contacting you soon to invite myself to spend the night when I have my interview :-).

Wooooooooo!!!!!!

I'm up to 2 interviews, with three sites left to hear from...still a long shot, but hope springs eternal!

I Need a Tums Milkshake

2008-12-14T22:36:00.012-05:00

Remember that old wooden dueling coaster called the Racer? Of course you do, if you are one of my three readers from the Pittsburgh area. Oh, Kennywood, surely established before the days of safety codes, how fondly do I cherish my memories of your Log Jammer and Raging Rapids, and the slightly life-threatening Jackrabbit. Oh and that one that takes you through the morbid remains of some creepy mining town or something (why would they put that in Pittsburgh?).

Ok, so the Racer: say there's an internship on the Red train and a baby on the Blue train.

I feel like we're at the part where they both go in crazy circle-loops right before they pull back into the final stretch where you see which train wins. (And don't worry, the baby is very well-padded and tightly secured...and apparently immune to the whole shaken baby thing.)

I have absolutely no idea, literally zero, of what the next year of our life will bring. So far I have one interview, and yet to hear from several sites tomorrow as to whether they'd like to interview me. If I had no interviews, we would know that an internship is off the table and we can hop on the baby train, but nooooo I have ONE interview. Which means that the internship odds are against me, but certainly still there.

I am a planner, people. Meaning that I would much prefer to have a PA realtor on speed-dial, our future address safely on the in-laws' refrigerator, and Joel's resume on the desks of every HR person from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia, not to mention our budget for 2009-2010 delineated in a highly detailed Excel spreadsheet.

This would be the appropriate time to remind me of that Lord-of-the-crapshoot post I did way back when.

Joel and I are so grateful to our great God for the promises in His revealed Word and for the faithfulness He has already demonstrated so consistently in our lives. Were it not for the trustworthiness of our Lord, we would be all sorts of messed up over this time of uncertainty. As it is, the emotions come and go, but we rejoice that we are not subject to their whims for our long-term security. Our feet are upon the solid rock of Christ, who will go before and behind us through this next year and forever. My heart is quiet only at the feet of my God, of whom I beg: remind me every moment that You are the one who directs my path.

I do not ask to see the way

My feet will have to tread

But only that my soul may feed

Upon the living Bread.

'Tis better far that I should walk

By faith close to His side;

I may not know the way I go, But oh, I know my Guide.

His love can never fail, His love can never fail,

My soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail.

[Matthew Smith, "His Love Can Never Fail"]

Ok, I was mistaken about having literally zero idea of what the next year will bring. By God's grace, we will enjoy the great bounty of His blessings as we have always done. And if He has hardship in store, may our hearts rejoice in that, too, as our portion from Him and an opportunity for Him to do a great work in our lives.

The Bethlehem Star

2008-12-10T23:30:00.002-05:00

For an incredibly thorough and awe-inspiring explanation of the Bethlehem star, click here.

Click on "1. Setting the Stage" and proceed through the presentation. It will take some time, but it is worth it to learn more than you thought possible about the astrology involved in Christ's birth and, later, in his crucifixion. I would tell you more, but really the presentation builds in such a dramatic way that I don't want to give anything away. I'll give you just this much: it wasn't a meteor, a comet, or a supernova. Then what could it have been??

In the last segment, "What Does This Mean?", the presentation follows an evangelistic message with this closing statement:

For if the Star wasn't magic or a special miracle from outside of the natural order, then it was something even more startling. It was a Clockwork Star. And that is overwhelming. The movement of the heavenly bodies is regular, like a great clock. The Clockwork Star finally means that from the very instant at which God flung the universe into existence, he also knew the moment he would enter human history in the person of Jesus of Nazareth. He marked it in the stars. And from before the beginning of time as we experience it, God knew the very moment when Messiah would breath his last on the cross.

Jesus is "the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world."
Revelation 13:8
I am humbled to my knees before the great God who orchestrated the starry dance that would coincide in myriad marvelous ways to tell the story of His Son, our Savior.

[ht: rayfowler.org]

Sabbath Rest

2008-12-06T21:55:00.004-05:00

"Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labor and do all thy work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord thy God. In it, thou shalt not do any work; thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor the stranger that is within thy gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that in them is, but on the seventh day He rested. Therefore, the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it." ~the fourth commandment

disclaimer: dictated by my husband, whose memory may be fallible, though the Word he may be misquoting is not.

The Lord takes the Sabbath very seriously. This commandment refers to the act of Creation - He created all that is in only six days. Should we not also be able to get our business taken care of in six days? The Sabbath is given to us for rest, but it is not only because of our need that we take a Sabbath. It is because the Lord God Himself, Yahweh and Elohim, has ordained that it is good and commanded us thus.

Who am I to argue?

For what it's worth, it makes all the difference in the Pearce household. As our pastors preached through the ten commandments recently, we talked about our observance of the Sabbath and whether we indeed keep it holy. We made a decision to set aside the Lord's Day as one of rest, to be focused on fellowship with other believers, preaching of the Word and the sacraments at church, and on rest and worship at home. Though it doesn't happen every single week, I try to make dinner in the crock pot and we enjoy leftovers for supper. The afternoon is spent with friends, enjoying or extending hospitality, reading the Word and related things, and/or listening to recorded sermons and lectures. And of course, taking the Sabbath Nap.

I can't emphasize enough what a difference it makes to truly set aside an entire day to the Lord. The things that He commands are to His glory and for our benefit - and the Sabbath rest is a great example of this. We find ourselves nourished by His Word, replenished in His grace, and ready for another week of labor for the Kingdom. Not only is the Lord's Day a source of rest and nourishment, but what assurance we receive from the preaching of Christ each Sunday! The rest of life is placed in its proper perspective when we return week in and week out to the Source of life Himself.

But even if it made no difference whatever in our experience, His commandment would be no less true and binding.

"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away." ~Matthew 24:35

There are those who argue for a cultural or contextual view of the fourth commandment, saying that the Sabbath rest doesn't apply to us in our time and culture (or that it's just impossible/impractical to observe the Sabbath). But which of the other commandments is culturally bound? Has the Lord ceased to be our God? Is He any less jealous of our love and worship? Are we to steal and murder at will? Our culture is far from the law of the Lord on these matters, endorsing the self and experience as god and abortion as a viable option (but another post on that...). But the covenant elect are to remain faithful to His Word and to His Law, joyful at the revelation of His character and standards and grateful for His grace through Christ's atoning work since we can never perfectly achieve those standards.

I will close with this thought concerning the beauty of the law:

"The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple." ~Psalm 19:7

Thank God that we are righteous in Christ. But thank Him also for His law and statutes that bring nourishment to those who are alive in Him! When I am able by His grace to keep His laws, even in my fragmented, human way, He is glorified and reflected in me. When I walk in His ways, then do I most fully reflect His image. May this be the chief end for which we strive: to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever! (Westminster Shorter Catechism, question 1)

How my heart leaps at those words!

It's Science

2008-12-03T11:06:00.003-05:00

I've just completed a highly scientific analysis of the data that Google Analytics tracks from my blog, regarding blog traffic, hits, time spent on the blog, etc. I noticed that there have been several spikes in blog hits over the past month, and clever me decided to see what was happening on the blog when those spikes occurred.

You'll never guess.

They occurred when I actually POSTED.

So here is my profound thought for today, designed solely to lure you to my blog:

Consider yourself suckered in.

Also, my (our) semester is FINALLY winding down, meaning after this week I will have only (!) to propose my dissertation (we FINALLY scheduled it for next Tuesday!!!) and then a random final on December 18, after I will have been school-less for a good two weeks.

What does this mean to you, fair reader? Actual blog-worthy content, I hope! My thoughts will turn from frenetic checking of school, internship, and dissertation-related to-do lists to....frenetic checking of home and Christmas-related to-do lists, I'm sure. But also deep introspection and weighty ponderings about the Christmas season and the mysterious workings of the Holy Spirit in my life.

You know, the serious, meaningful things upon which this blog was founded. Right.

A cat, a belt, and long rubber gloves

2008-12-02T17:51:00.005-05:00

I don't know if it's her, um, generous girth, but Merlot seems to have difficulty cleaning herself. We've noticed lately that her fur has been rather oily and dull, and decided that something needed to be done. I mentioned this to our friend Josh several weeks ago, and ever since he has been asking me whether we've washed the cat yet.

Yeah. During all that extra time we've had.

So today Josh was here working on our consultation paper with me, and I confess we weren't being very productive. He brought cinnamon scones to snack on...we started with those, and it was downhill from there.

But I do have a headstart on rental housing in Reading, should I match for internship there.

Obviously, we needed some incentive. And, as is his custom, Josh asked if we had yet washed the cat. No, Josh, that has not been at the top of our to-do list. But his query sparked an idea in my mind...Joel isn't all that enthusiastic about taking time to wash the cat, but if I can get some free help from Josh, and he would be immensely entertained by washing the cat...win-win situation, right?

So we agreed that if we finished our paper elements by 4:30, he could go to the store for cat shampoo while I synthesized our paper and then we would wash Merlot before his 6:00 class.

You know you want to see the pictures.

I couldn't find our camera, due to lazy unpacking efforts since our return late Sunday night, so these are from my phone...

Merlot sans dignity:

That's a belt around her middle. It's amazing how merely a sense of being restrained can render a cat quite serene. Only after we removed the belt for one final rinse did she begin struggling and mewing to break your heart.

Merlot enjoying a bit of after-bath refreshment:

I think a half-hour at the spa really did wonders for her complexion. She looks cleaner, healthier, younger even. And, dare I say....thinner?

I blame the fifty or so hairballs left in the bathtub.

We're still waiting for her to dry. She's been parked in the dark hallway for the last 45 minutes licking her wet paws and wounded pride. Niko acts sympathetic, but you can tell she's laughing inside. Hopefully Merlot will venture out soon and forgive me for scandalizing her delicate sensibilities with two different showerhead settings. But I hope she'll also realize that she can stop craning her neck to get at those hard to reach places and thus arrive at a place of contentment and gratitude.

How like a cat I am...how many times has the Lord washed me of some sin, only for me to struggle and protest, ignorant of my need? May I always be grateful for His firm hand and cleansing Spirit. (I'm sure it would help if He were to provide a bowl of delicious Good Kitty after the fact...)

Overflowing with Thanks

2008-11-25T21:26:00.004-05:00

Wouldn't it be neat if I set a blogging goal of posting each day this week about something for which I am thankful?

It would last until tomorrow, when Joel and I will take the road before us until the wee hours, driving over the river and dashing through the snow to get home for the holidays.

Could there be more cheesy musical allusions in one sentence? I think not.

Anyway, right, I don't foresee myself blogging terribly much for the rest of the week.

But two days in a row of blogging about thankfulness constitutes a legitimate blogging streak, don't you think? A veritable trend.

And for what am I thankful today? I thought you'd never ask.

Today, the Lord shined His light of providence into my life and illuminated just the next step or two of this long, windy road I tread. Today, He saw fit to grant assurance that the last four years of my life have not been in vain. Today, I was officially invited for an interview at the Reading Hospital and Medical Center!

Praise God for condescending to the needs of my weak, human heart. I've been trusting Him to the best of my abilities - and it has required a daily laying down of my fears and anxieties at His feet! I am grateful that He has seen fit to lighten my heart's burden by showing me tangible evidence of His continuing provision. This interview doesn't guarantee me an internship spot by any means, but it does mean that the next small hurdle has been leaped and God has rolled out the road just that much further beneath my feet.

I really was going to wait until Thanksgiving to tell y'all important people "in person", or at least over the phone, but I am just overflowing with excitement! I just had to tell the good news, and what better way to tell the fewest possible people than to post it on my blog?

One Tiny, Huge Blessing

2008-11-24T23:03:00.007-05:00

[*Note: THIS IS NOT OUR BABY.*
My apologies to those who endured several moments of gut-wrenching disbelief until you spotted the all-important "niece or nephew" line.]

As we roll into Thanksgiving later this week, I'm reminded to reflect on the blessings in my own life, the things for which I'm truly thankful. And while there are myriad extravagant ways in which the Lord has lavished His grace upon the Va Beach Pearces this year, one deserves special mention tonight.

Is it a lentil? Perhaps a kumquat or a lime?

Nay, gentle readers. We would not be this grateful for such sundry produce.

This long-awaited little one, though it has apparently resembled a variety of food items in its short life, is none other than Joel's and my very first future niece or nephew! We are so thankful for this tiny treasure, this bundle of developing life that is the answer to countless prayers! What a miracle that the Lord is, even now, knitting together a (not-so) wee human in Becca's belly, fearfully and wonderfully.

And in a few days, we will be even more thankful to learn the baby's sex, which Becca and Scott are selfishly withholding until Thanksgiving. Who do they think they are, the baby's parents or something? For now, Joel and I are left to pore over small, grainy ultrasound photos and ponder whether that one spot is its legs or...you know...gender-specific parts.

We can't wait!!

...for so many things, of course, but for now: Is it Harold or Harold-etta?

What's your prediction?

Scott's blog, with ultrasound photos!

Break out the Saran-Wrap

2008-11-18T22:00:00.001-05:00

Lest you envy the balmy climes of Va Beach in error, I am pleased to inform you that Winter '08 has (un)officially begun:

We experienced our first snowfall today!

And by snowfall, I mean a few flurries that I didn't even have the pleasure of observing before they died a quick, steamy death a few inches above the ground. Blink and you miss it, seriously, folks.

But it was COLD. Cold enough for me to learn about yet another deluxe feature of my car. This vehicle, my friends, is so thoughtful and concerned for my well-being that it kindly informs me the second the remotest possibility of unsafe driving conditions blips onto its radar. And it accomplishes all this with the utmost in efficiency, a single word added above the digital display that tells me exactly how many miles lie between me and desperate prayers for a WaWa station.

The word? ICY.

I was so touched, I didn't have the heart to tell my sweet love machine that water actually freezes at 32 degrees Farenheit, rather than the toasty 38 at which the warning blinked on.

How far I've come since my days of praying to reach my destination with all four wheels attached.

But perhaps the thermometer of my little bundle of highway happiness would serve well as an advanced warning system for the poor palm trees that have been imported to our fake-tropical resort city. They are no doubt eager for their "Christmas wrapping", as it were, to preserve them from cold damage, which is often manifested in the form of stunted growth, root damage, and increased susceptibility to infection.

(yes, I researched palm tree winterization solely to sound intelligent in this blog post...and discovered a whole new brand of botany nerd out there on the interweb.)

(not me, I mean those guys with the palm tree blogs.)

Palm tree winterization, for you ignoramuses, is rarely neat and never pretty:

Full disclosure: I totally ripped this photo from someone's Flickr account. But at least I'm honest about it, right? When I get a chance I'll get you a photo of real, live, authentic Va Beach palm trees all bundled up for winter. Sometimes they even have Christmas lights draped around them, like it's not depressing enough already to see a palm tree on life support, now they have to draw attention to it like some poor carnival misfit.

Oh, ye north, how I long for your frosty winters and honest, deciduous flora.

Please, reward my loyal yearnings with a blanket of snow for Thanksgiving? Preferably falling promptly on Thanksgiving and completely melting no later than Sunday noon, thanks. The Nissan may be deluxe, but there's no reason to press our luck now.

Landslide Victory

2008-11-18T09:07:00.002-05:00

The final tally for our Christmas Spirit vote looked like this:

Why wait? Deck the Halls! - 5
Give it another week or so - 3
At least wait until after Thanksgiving - 4
Christmas Eve? - 1
You're as bad as the retailers! - 1

Since it has now been close to a week since I originally opened the polls, I would consider the first two categories to be essentially the same vote. Therefore, a total of 8 votes were cast for seeing the Christmas colors fly before Thanksgiving. Those of you who voted for after Thanksgiving - I hear you, I really do. We won't decorate our house until Thanksgiving (well, actually, we'll probably do it early so that we arrive home from PA to full Christmas regalia). But the Christmas season is just so darn short - hardly a month of Christmas decor before I would need to change it up for "winter" in January. I'm thankful that so many of you support an immediate overhaul!

More regular posts coming soon...in theory...

Cast a Vote That Matters!

2008-11-13T00:02:00.004-05:00

So I can't wait to deck the blog out in new Christmas decor. You vote - how soon is too soon? Make your voice heard via the poll over there on the right side of the blog.

Incidentally, when I glanced at my calendar to see how long I should keep the poll open, I realized that Thanksgiving is only two weeks away anyway! Woohoo!

Thank goodness I started my online Christmas shopping today :-).

Another Post Office Success Story

2008-11-11T11:09:00.005-05:00

Well, y'all, I tell you what. It is utterly fabulous to be done with all this internship baloney!

And by baloney, I mean "important, significant, life-determining obstacle to getting my doctoral degree".

I could DANCE, people. In fact, I'm surprised that I haven't. Actually....be right back....

SO MUCH BETTER!

Yes, I did just go dance mid-post. Just because I CAN and I don't have ANYTHING BETTER TO DO!

Except write all the course-related papers that I've been putting off because of internship cover letters and essays, but ya know.

Allow me to testify to God's ongoing faithfulness, and His divine blessing of total peace about this process. Some have told me that the time between sending applications and hearing about interviews is the most stressful (though I think the week or two leading up to Match Day would be worse) because all you have to do is wait. But I feel, again, totally chill, and more excited than nervous to see what God has in store for us. Out of the 15 sites to which I applied, I could really see myself at any of them (though of course, mom and dad, the Pittsburgh/Cleveland sites look SO GOOD).

That last parenthetical was to make up for the email that went out from Dad Pearce stating that I am seeking an internship in eastern PA or NJ...

Really we would be happy anywhere that is less than 7 hours from any given relative.

And you know what Joel said last night that made my heart so happy? We were thinking about where this next year will take us, and he said, "You know what's crazy? Not to get your hopes up, but think about one year from now when you'll be on internship and...you might even be pregnant by then!"

Oh my stars, people.

God is so good, and we will indeed see where the next year takes us. We pray that He will give us the desires of our hearts - namely, an internship close to home (whichever home that might be) and a little one on the way. But if not, He is still the Lord of our lives and we will rejoice in our portion from Him. 'In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.' [Prov. 16:9].

Another Two Bite the Dust

2008-11-06T23:04:00.008-05:00

Two more apps out today - the Pittsburgh VA and Applewood Centers in Cleveland. Yes, we are open to living in Cleveland for a year, and no, I don't know what's come over us.

It continues to be an emotional challenge to mail my application packets. That whole relinquishing control thing can be a doozy. Today went better though... I really didn't think about it until I was on my way out of the post office - at which point I had a mild anxiety episode when I realized I had casually handed my packets off to the postal guy without so much as a mental rundown of their contents.

Then I remembered that I had checked and double-re-checked the checklist (imagine that) and no less than signed my name on each of manila folder to "certify" that the packet was complete. Props to Josh for suggesting that OCD-relieving technique! Now if I'm ever concerned, I can look back at my folders and be assured that I checked the packet thoroughly prior to mailing. Yay!

I sure hope all this work pays off with a few interviews. Either way, though, the Lord is in control and for all my application-mailing OCD, I'm supernaturally chill about the whole process. It's the peace that passes understanding, and I know where it's coming from (hint: Jesus).

Irony Defined

2008-11-04T17:48:00.004-05:00

Today I stood in line for over three hours in order to cast my ballot. The lady directly behind me was an outspoken, far-left Democrat, and passed the time by sharing her opinions with anyone who would listen - and even with those who weren't particularly interested, as I learned. Could she have been more different from me? I spent most of the time with a book open in front of me, trying to concentrate, but alas, she would not have it. I learned about her views on abortion, rights for gay domestic partners, and economic policy. I heard the details of her recent knee injury and exactly why it was difficult for her to stand in line for such a long time (my own tennis-knee throbbed in sympathy). I can tell you how long she's lived in Virginia Beach, and the length of poll lines for each election in which she has voted (twelve in our locality, but she has been in Virginia Beach since 1962). Amazing.

The book I was trying to read?

Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment.

That's what you call a hands-on learning experience. Teach me, Lord.

But I will testify that, after a period of (relative) silence during which I managed to finish my chapter, I tucked the book back into my purse feeling a refreshed sense of, well, contentment. I engaged La Democrat in conversation for the rest of our time together, expressing interest, sympathy, or whatever emotion seemed most polite. Best of all, I chatted with several weary poll workers, making jokes about taking up a collection and ordering a hundred pizzas for those trapped in the crowded gymnasium.

La Democrat inquired about the book I was reading - of course - wondering if it was something for school (I had mentioned Regent University, so I'm sure that was a guess based on a stereotype). I told her it was for a Bible study, and said a silent prayer that the Lord would somehow be evident to her in my response and in my interactions with her.

I truly believe that the Lord redeemed those three hours by softening my heart to those around me and helping me to view them for who they were - a mass of people teeming with humanity, each with our own political views and leanings, but each with our own joys and sufferings. And I was privileged to briefly come alongside these people and peer into their lives. We're all really just the same underneath...broken, sinful people in need of a Savior.

More of My Crazy

2008-11-03T12:33:00.007-05:00

This is how I know the Lord has a sense of humor.

Today, one of my big internship tasks was to send out my undergraduate transcript request (why some of these sites still care about my undergrad GPA is beyond me, but oh well). So I printed off the request, wrote the check, stamped the envelope, and debated the best way to mail it. (Read: method for quickest pickup/fastest delivery)

Being the technology junkie that I am, and knowing that our mail is delivered around 1:30/2:00, I decided to hop on usps.com to see whether I could get this sucker out any earlier than that (without hiking all the way to a bona fide post office, of course). I'm on a time frame, people. So I found several mailbox locations and selected the closest one. I went so far as to look at the "street view" so I would know exactly which Chinese restaurant the mailbox would be in front of.

Well.

I pulled up to the collection box location and found not a big blue monster eager to devour my letter, but an empty sandblasted-looking patch of sidewalk. The heck?? Like they knew I was coming and thought it would be funny to move the mailbox. I could practically hear the angels snickering as they looked on.

Fortunately, I was aware of another nearby (though slightly further away) collection box and struck out immediately. I arrived only to find out that I had missed the most recent pickup by a whopping ten minutes. Once again, the cherubic chuckling was almost audible. The next pickup was at 2:30, slightly later than it would be collected from our house, but I dropped my letter in anyway so as not to waste a trip. Then I headed home.

And passed a mail truck on our street. At 12:20. On its way to our mailbox, whose little red flag was sticking up. Indicating the presence of other outgoing mail that will be collected a solid two hours before my urgent little transcript request.

I just...this is my life, people.

A Multilingual Post

2008-11-01T22:01:00.019-04:00

The milestones just keep on coming! Today I baked my first from-scratch apple crumb pie all on my own. I count this as my first pie because my previous experience involved Laurie, who is a culinary genius. Just as you can't really say you rode a bike when there were training wheels attached, my first pie-baking experience was very closely guided and I was afforded few opportunities to screw up.

But today I did it ALL BY MYSELF when I should have been writing cover letters. Ahem. Did I admit to that?

The illustrated version:
It all began this morning when I acknowledged my hankering for home-made baked goods, and kind of a yearning for an afternoon in the kitchen. So I grabbed the grocery list, added apples and unsalted butter at the bottom, and set off to finally re-stock our kitchen. Funny how the supplies dwindle when you've got two people/grad students scrounging for sustenance and nobody really organizing the food detail. Anyhoodle...

So I obviously started with the pie crust. No illustrations from the process, but it went pretty smoothly and, after much chilling, rolling and delicate moving, resulted in this beauty:

Whilst it chilled, I busied myself with peeling and coring the Granny Smith and Golden Delicious apples for the filling and also pastry-blending the crumb topping. Here is my "work station" with all the parts ready to be put together:

In go the apples...(pretty green stripe courtesy of Blogger photo uploads)

And the crumb topping:

By far the best picture is of Joel's face when I showed him the oven-ready pie; it is truly for his delight that I toil:

And 45 minutes later...voila!

Thankfully the red-eye in that last one doesn't seem to show up here. I actually named the file "Demon Baker" when I saved it because it is quite frightening. As in, I wouldn't feel comfortable eating my own pie if I knew someone with those eyes baked it.
*Note: If you click on the photo and open it in its full size, you will apparently SEE WHAT I MEAN. Yich!

Now for a close-up, and The Slicing:

Bon Appetit! Like, good appetite or whatever, not like the Grove City food service. Though I hear they've come a long way, I remain adverse to having my culinary endeavors compared with theirs.

Also, congratulations to the Kings on the birth of baby Jacob!! He's a Halloweenie, and in honor of the happy occasion we took the first piece of pie to Michele in the hospital. Due to a muy rapidalmente birth (Spanish for, a very rapidly birth), he doesn't look nearly as squished and funky as most newborns. In fact, he looks very much like Chris with a hint of Michele's nose:

Congratulations to the Kings, and Happy Halloweenie all around!

And yes, I totally just preempted Jacob's parents by being the first (I think) to publish a photo of him on the blogosphere. W00t!

Starfruit Takes First Place

2008-10-31T11:44:00.005-04:00

I received my first return postcard yesterday from Philhaven, one of the early-due-date sites that I applied to last week (or whenever that was). So exciting!!

Also, I'm not superstitious, but I had a fortune cookie recently that said "Your next interview will result in a job." We'll see...

I Think I'm Guy #7ish

2008-10-27T10:04:00.004-04:00

Just a quick political post here in this season of heated political debate. Against tax breaks for the rich? Check out this link, which has been making the rounds recently. Which guy are you, and do you want guy #10 to stay home? Down with socialism, people.

Bar Stool Economics

Disclaimer: I'm not really a political fanatic, I just play one on TV.

Also, thanks to my husband for passing along this illustration.

Sassy McSass

2008-10-26T16:23:00.005-04:00

Got me a new hairdo, wanna see?

The pensive look, an apparent favorite of mine when it comes to self-photos.

It only took a little bit of persuading to convince Joel that my long (for me) hair was overrated. It took slightly more persuading to be allowed to book an appointment at Ron Paul, a slightly pricey but highly excellent salon. I've been going to [cheap-0 chain salon] for the last few years, and only twice a year. By my math, I've saved enough to deserve a short, sassy 'do from a nice salon. But it is amusing that I just paid more for one haircut than I've paid in a year and a half!

And I have vowed never to return to [cheap-0 chain salon]. It may have been an economical grad-student choice while it lasted, but my experience at Ron Paul has changed my life.

And by changed my life, I mean embarrassed me horribly when the following conversation took place:

Master Stylist [that's what they're called]:Um, where did you go before?
Me: Er - why?
M.S.: You've got a giant hole right here.
Me: Really?
M.S.: Yeah see here where it goes straight back and then drops? Who did this to you?
Me: I don't want to tell you.
M.S.: [thankfully let it slide]
~several minutes of consultation, during which she informs me that I can't look like my photo of Posh Spice because of this giant hole in my layers and I try in vain to understand salon physics~
M.S.: Ok seriously, you have to tell me where you went before. Was it a Hair Cuttery?
Me: I really don't want to talk about it.
M.S.: C'mon!
Me: I went to a [mumble mumble cheap-o chain mumble].
M.S.: Oh yeah. Those places sometimes have really talented hairstylists, they just don't apply themselves.

Oooh. So I guess they are the hair salon equivalent of those kids who cut class to smoke pot? (You know who you are.)

But why would they do such a terrible hack job on me (of which, for the record, I was totally ignorant for like six months until this most recent semi-annual haircut...Willie Wonka, anyone?) that I wound up in Ron Paul begging the forgiveness of a Master Stylist with whom I was barely acquainted? That's just not right, yo.

The moral of this story: A good haircut is worth the money. All you ladies are rolling your eyes and wondering how I manage to cross the street. Yeah yeah. Next you'll be telling me I should splurge on the two-ply toilet paper.

Just kidding - nothing but Angel Soft here. Priorities, people, priorities. Though mine might be slightly questionable if my toilet paper quality supersedes that of my hair salon. What do you think?

I Can't Imagine the First Day of Kindergarten

2008-10-22T19:16:00.009-04:00

So, um, I did it.

I mailed out my first batch of internship applications - which consisted of all of three packets.

But still, it's a big step, especially when you consider that it means ALL of my packets are 90% ready to go except for personalized cover letters.

Can I tell you how difficult it was to let them go?

I was all business, working the automated postage machine for all it was worth and neatly printing my labels. Then I gathered my three packets in my arms and headed over to Big Blue with the intention of washing my hands of them forever.

Then I realized that I was about to wash my hands of them forever. And people, I FREAKED OUT inside. It was half excitement, half nervousness, and half ambiguous jittery feeling. If you think the math doesn't add up, just IMAGINE HOW I WAS FEELING. Goodness gracious, sakes alive.

I took a deep breath, pulled the thingymajig open and dropped my packets inside. I gazed upon them for one last moment and then pushed Big Blue's big blue mouth closed. And that, my friends, was the most tangible experience of a total relinquishing of control. It was a most underwhelming moment - it really seemed like there should have been gongs, whistles, fireworks, something to commemorate this huge milestone. I have now officially applied to three internship sites - and nobody even knows it yet. (Except, my lucky readers, for you!)

I just can't even tell you. It is out of my hands. Except for those 11 other packets that need their cover letters.

Next trip to the post office I am definitely taking a camera, a friend, and a bottle of champagne. Possibly kazoos also.

Just think, someday I will have to drop my kids off at school.

I'm a Star Fruit

2008-10-21T14:54:00.009-04:00

I have to admit, I never expected to be in a position of deciding which tropical fruit is the most professional.

Guava? Kiwi? Papaya sounds sophisticated. But would passion fruit convey better the zeal with which I am applying for an internship?

Allow me to explain my dilemma.

Now, I am a perfectionist. And internship applications represent the epitome of OCD-requiring endeavors. My packets are characterized by ivory linen paper, all staples going in the same direction (perpendicular, not diagonal), matching ivory envelopes for reference letters, bright white paper for the AAPI and essays (98 brightness, not 96), and elegant clear labels so as not to clash with the 9x12 ivory packet envelopes. These suckers are gonna look SHARP and attention-grabbing - at least for the first five seconds before some secretary tears into it and dumps all the materials unceremoniously in a training director's inbox. But I digress. The emphasis here is on my anality and how everything must convey the utmost in professionalism and conservatism.

Imagine my delight yesterday at the post office when I requested stamps for my return postcards and the nice postal worker whipped out these little beauties:

Sure they look delicious, but do they really make you think "Hmm. I bet this individual is very professional and conservative."

Granted, it could have been worse...

But I'm still left debating the first-impression psychology of pomegranates against a baby blue background vs. guava against a soft pink. Tell me, which tropical fruit speaks most deeply to you?

Holy Crapshoot, Batman!

2008-10-18T11:04:00.005-04:00

My devotional time this morning yielded a great insight regarding my internship match program. Allow me to share:

In Acts 1, the remaining 11 disciples are gathered and must choose who will replace Judas (who fell headlong and burst open, his bowels spilling forth. Gory details in the Bible yessss). They raised up two men, Joseph and Matthias, and prayed to the Lord regarding their final decision. When they had committed the selection process to the Lord, who knows the hearts of all, how do you think they made their choice?

Did they hash it out and debate the qualities and shortcomings of the two men?

Maybe they gave each guy a stick and told them to "audition" (a la Dark Knight). Ok, probably not.

But they did something just as improbable, in my opinion. They cast lots. Can you imagine determining the leadership of your church by a roll of the dice? Now granted they were choosing between two qualified men, so presumably neither would have been a poor choice. But I don't think it's a method we often think to employ: committing a decision to the Lord and then leaving it up to "chance", trusting that the Lord is in control of something as random as a crapshoot.

Which brings me to this internship thing.

A big crapshoot, remember?

Thus Acts 1 is a huge comfort to me as I send out applications in the next week or so. I'm applying to 15 sites where I could potentially see myself working for the next year, and now it's truly in the Lord's hands. I have literally no control over who will invite me for interviews or how the sites will rank me. But the God of crapshoots will preside over the decision-making process and I trust that He will place Joel and me in the right location.

Well. It spoke to my heart, anyway.

Not Worryin 'Bout a Ting

2008-10-17T14:00:00.008-04:00

My first batch of applications go out on Monday, and I am so close to being ready for that deadline! My essays are finished, as are my APPIC applications, Curriculum Vitae, reference letters (just have to pick up my last set from Covenant Counseling on Monday), and return postcards. I have lovely ivory linen resume paper, ivory envelopes with sophisticated clear labels - quite the epitome of professionalism, if I do say so. I am feeling confident that my applications will go out kicking butts and taking names. Or at least not portraying me as an incompetent slob who was accepted to graduate school via a gigantic misunderstanding involving the cosmos, the United States Postal Service, and my undergraduate registrar's office.

That last sentence is almost a direct quote from a hilarious article titled "Fledgling Therapist Disorder". I wish I could take credit.

Anyway, God has been so gracious in the last week or so to quell my anxieties and fill me with a sense of His sovereignty. It is always nice when my emotions line up with the promises of God, and I attribute it all to the prayers of His people on my behalf. Everything is going to be just fine because this entire internship situation is entirely in the palm of His hand. It may be a crapshoot as to whether I match, but it is a divinely fixed crapshoot and I look forward to the next year of my life, whatever it might bring.

Someone email me a link to this blog post on February 19, ok? I might be needing a dose of blessed assurance about then.

In the words of a great philosopher, "Every little ting is gonna be alright."

Ok, so I don't actually endorse Mr. Marley (mad reggae skills aside). But certainly his lyrics represent a rough synthesis of Matthew 6:34 and Romans 8:28? Think about it...

Not-So-Brief Status Update

2008-10-13T16:43:00.007-04:00

Things are coming along! I thank you for your prayers, and for the encouragement I have received from so many of you through phone calls (well, voicemails, since I don't often answer these days), offers of meals, and shared stories of the Lord's provision. This is how the body of Christ ought to work! I can't even tell you what a blessing it is to know that your strong arms are there, metaphorically at least, and that I'm not on my own! Special thanks to my wonderful husband as well, who has been absolutely fabulous about supplying sandwiches, coffee, and hugs and helping around the house when I am in my dissertation cave. It has been more than enough to make up for the little stomach bug incident last week!

I recently had a somewhat amusing conversation with my mother that opened my eyes to how very little I am communicating with even very important people in my life. She and my dad recently visited Joel's parents in New Jersey, and apparently the Pearces are much more informed about my goings on than are my own parents! Many of my mom's sentences began with "Well, Linda told us..." and ended with me saying, "I never told you that??"

Simply tragic that my parents have to drive across the state to find out what's going on with me!

So, in the interest of updating everyone on at least a few aspects of life, here you go:

I have submitted another two revisions to my dissertation chair, and pending another draft or two of small changes, it should be polished enough to propose! According to my chair, I will be proposing at the very end of November or perhaps the first week of December. Sadly, this is not open to the public - it will be just me, alone in the room with my chair and committee member. But don't worry, read on to find out how and when you can become involved!

My internship applications will be going out in a few waves, with the first batch mailed out next Monday. Wee!! That means that this week is a whirlwind of writing and proofreading essays, gathering recommendation letters, compiling application packets, and checking and re-checking everything ad nauseum. I will have another week and a half to obsess over the remaining applications, which need to be out by the end of October. I will start hearing from sites hopefully soon after that to schedule interviews, and should know by December 15 how many interviews I will have. Interviews will take place primarily in January, all across the great commonwealth of Pennsylvania and into New Jersey.

By February 7, I will need to submit to the National Matching Service a ranked list of the sites who interviewed me. Sites will also submit ranked lists of their interviewees. This information will all be fed into the national database (imagine lots of clanking, smoking, and hissing)....out pops the match list! On February 20 I will receive an email that begins in one of two ways: "We are pleased to inform you" or "We regret to inform you". I sure hope to be pleasing someone that day! So, February 20 is Yes/No Day. The following Monday is Match Day, when those who matched find out WHERE they will be going for the next twelve months of training, and those who did not match scramble and submit applications through the Clearinghouse, which matches orphan applicants and sites to each other. It is possible to not match through Clearinghouse either, since there is such a large ratio of applicants to sites. Many of us will be re-applying next year, and use the time in between to pursue further training or, I don't know, have babies.

And that's the internship process!

Regarding dissertation: I am already collecting data through the clinical trial of the Hope-Focused Couples Approach. My data should be finished by next May, and I will conduct data analysis over the summer. My goal date to defend is October 2009, and YOU ARE ALL INVITED!!! Send flowers, throw confetti, pour champagne (but hide it until after my defense, lest my slurred speech dampen my success), we are going to PARTAY when it is over!! Oh that will be the day...

Oh and also I am still in school. So I have classes til next June as well, but thankfully only two at a time.

As of this past September when I officially passed comprehensive exams, I am a Doctoral Candidate in Clinical Psychology. I was also recently hired as an Adjunct Faculty Member for Regent's Undergrad Psychology program, and I'll begin teaching an online Developmental Psychology course in a few weeks. I'm able to do that because I "graduated" with my nested Master's degree this past spring. Exciting!

I really think that about does it. Internship, dissertation, teaching, and coursework. Please accept my most humble apologies for not answering my phone and/or not utilizing it to contact you. I am admittedly hiding in a cave until some major deadlines have been met, focus being absolutely crucial at this point. (And yes, I realize that I am blogging right now instead of writing essays.) I still love you all (unless you are a random person who stumbled across this blog, in which case...oh I still love you, in that agape sort of way. Jesus saves!) and will catch up with you when the dust has settled.

I wish life weren't so boring.

Another Quotable

2008-10-12T08:00:00.004-04:00

Please read this fabulous post by John Piper on his Desiring God blog: "The Godward Focus of Faithfulness".

A tempting morsel to whet your appetite:

"There is a great biblical antidote for our pride. God keeps covenant for his name’s sake:

“Thus says the Lord God: It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am about to act, but for the sake of my holy name” (Ezekiel 36:22)."

God is faithful to us because of who He is, not because of who we are. What a simple, humbling thought.

Fierce

2008-10-10T14:39:00.004-04:00

Oh yeah, and have you ever noticed how it's when you're most swamped and stressed that Satan does his worst with your soul? Man, sin has been everywhere for me lately. Praise the Lord God for His faithfulness to provide a way out of temptation, even if you've already waded in up to your ankles!

Just thought I'd testify.

Can I get a witness?

Amen, yo. Word up in the hizzy.

Sorry, I'm just my parents' daughter...

Kermit Was Wrong

2008-10-10T14:27:00.005-04:00

I find it interesting that the first item of Five Quick Ways to De-Stress Yourself is to look at something green. Perhaps this is why I have been wearing a lot of green lately? No really, maybe my subconscious has been helping me by drawing me to more soothing, de-stressing colors of clothing. I shudder to think what I would do without my subconscious. Then again, I think overall it probably does more harm than good, so...

Anyway this was meant to be a brief de-stressing blog post, and it is in danger of becoming a lengthy time-wasting blog post. Enjoy the link and picture me in the middle of that huge pile of papers. Fun!

*Oh, except if that were really me, the papers would all be neatly organized in clearly labeled file folders, stacked according to priority and category - dissertation, internship, coursework, adjunct faculty materials. Oh wait, that sounds like my living room.

Who is My God?

2008-10-09T23:55:00.003-04:00

When my spirit is in turmoil, as it has been of late, I turn to my God for comfort. I'm reminded of a postcard my mother sent me back - when, in college? before that? - I only know that I still have it, and remember what it said after all this time.

"God will get you through, not somehow, but triumphantly!"

What a great reminder that even when I think "please, somehow...", my God has already fixed a path before my feet such that I will arrive "triumphantly!"

"Stop telling God how big your storm is, and start telling your storm how big your God is."

A rather trite Christian-ese little soundbite, but this one contains a beautiful nugget of truth. How often do we focus on our storms, our stresses, our burdens, and forget Who is (ought to be) really at the center of our lives? God is so much bigger than anything I might weather in this life. Indeed, sometimes He calms the storm...and sometimes He calms His child.

And just Who is my God?

He is El: mighty, strong, prominent. [Genesis 7:1]
He is El-Shaddai: God Almighty, God all-sufficient [Genesis 17:1,2]
He is Adonai: my Lord [Genesis 15:2]
He is Jehovah, Yahweh: I AM WHO I AM [Exodus 3]
He is Jehovah-Jireh: The Lord who provides [Genesis 14:22]
He is Jehovah-Rophe: The Lord who heals, physically, spiritually and emotionally [Exodus 15:22-26]
He is Jehovah-Shalom: The Lord our peace [Judges 6:24]
He is El-Elyon: The Most High [Genesis 14:18]
He is Jehovah-Nissi: The Lord our banner [Exodus 17:15]
He is Jehovah-Sabaoth: The Lord of hosts [Isaiah 1:24]

My God is mighty, strong, all-sufficient...He will be Who He will be...He provides, heals, brings peace...He is the Most High, a banner over me and the Lord of hosts. If my God is for me, then who can be against me? [Romans 8:31]

To the great storms in my life: My God holds you in the palm of His hand! Just as my path has been ordained for me, so too has yours. The Lord is a banner over me and a shield about me. Who do you think you are? You have no power over me except what God has granted. You have no place here at the table set before me. My cup runneth over, my portion is great because it is from the Lord.

El-Shaddai, El-Shaddai, El-Elyon na Adonai! Most High, my All Sufficient, I bow before you and believe that my storm is no greater than the grace You have given me to endure it. Jehovah-Jireh, please grant me strength for the journey. Jehovah-Shalom, grant me also Your peace that passes the understanding of man. Jehovah-Rophe, I call upon Your healing hand to knit together my emotions and to bring me spiritual wholeness in this most challenging time. Oh Yahweh, my Abba, how strange and wonderful that I can call You by each of these names You have given Yourself. Both mighty and tender, You are greater than the road before me and loving enough to walk with me upon it. Your hand hems me in, both behind and before. Rehearse Your promises to my spirit, that I might be confident enough in them to relinquish my own hold and rest securely in Yours.

Abba, Daddy, I love You.

Death Warmed Over

2008-10-08T17:07:00.003-04:00

To a toasty 102.11 degrees, that is. That's right, whatever Joel had on Monday, he tenderly passed along to me with a heartfelt "Thanks for the Gatorade, you can have what's left".

I slept for most of the afternoon, watched The Dark Knight online when I was conscious, and now I'm on my own while Joel has class until 9:00. Who knows whether I'm coherent enough to blog, but people, you're all I've got right now!! Poor, sick, lonely me.

All together now: awwwwwww.

Thank you for that vote of collective sympathy. Thank you very much indeed.

Also, the irony is that my dissertation chair just let me know in no uncertain terms that I can't get sick, slack off, or take a break between now and proposal time (tentatively scheduled for end of November/early December). It's like my immune system read the email over my shoulder, laughed sardonically, and said "We'll show HER!"

So yeah that's how I'm doing. You?